Pink Drink

I finally got round to starting my blackcurrant vodka - pretty eh? I just need to remember to shake it every day. It will be a little Christmas treat, eventually :-)

There have been sleepovers here the last two weekends - two of A's mates from school stayed last weekend and a different one this weekend. There was also an ice-skating disco on Friday. So the social whirl that is A's life continues. I wont pretend I can keep up with it all. She's off out again today, but she was very good about fitting in her homework once her friend left yesterday :-)

So where are we with my exercise regime??? I have to admit that for the last couple of weeks I have been utterly slothful. Also, fairly gluttonous. And probably guilty of all the other deadly sins somewhere along the way.
I really don't know where my motivation has gone. I know that I felt better when I was exercising, and I enjoyed it, but somehow all I want to do at the moment is lie around eating crisps. And the longer this goes on the harder it is to start again. It would be so much easier if I could afford a big scary personal trainer to come round and shout at me every morning. But I cant, so I'll have to find another way of getting back on track.

I had a meeting with my new manager on Friday, along with another new starter (this is good - I will know someone at the induction on Tuesday!). All seems very positive, and I'm cautiously looking forward to starting work next Wednesday. Actually, I'm feeling really excited about it, as well as slightly terrified. Meeting new workmates is always scary (I'm assuming thats not just me?) but I'll be spending a fair amount of time out and about on my own - once I've done enough training - so not too much time trapped with colleagues! The fact that its a mainly male work environment makes it easier too, not sure why that should be? I suppose I have this notion that blokes don't expect you to share quite as much about yourself as women do, I may be wrong.
Anyway, I will post again once I've started and tell all!!

The Non-Holiday

This is not a happy post.

The trip to Italy, it appears, was doomed. First we had to suddenly cancel the second week we had planned. Then - the day before we left - I injured my back, so the 3 and a half hours on a coach down to Edinburgh were not too much fun. Then, just as we'd checked in at the Travel Lodge for a good nights rest before the early morning flight to Pisa, Nonno received a text telling us our flight had been cancelled and we should look at the website. A general strike had been announced in Italy, and this included baggage handlers at Pisa airport.
After much confusion and a trip to the airport to try and speak to someone from Ryanair (HA!) we discovered (from the website) that all flights to Pisa for the next few days were fully booked, so the option we were given to 're-book on the next available flight' was pretty useless.
So the next day, feeling a bit shell-shocked, we got back on the Inverness bus and came home :-(

A was keen to get straight back to school, so she ended up only missing 2 days. She's been kept busy with school-life and friends, which is good. I, however, have been alternately moping about feeling sorry for myself, and trying to force myself to do 'fun things' to take my mind off the fact that I SHOULD BE IN ITALY!!! I wont even go into the stress I've experienced dealing with airlines and insurance companies - trying to claim a little back of the huge amount of money I've lost on this non-holiday. And breathe...

I did receive this through the post though:


a wonderfully thoughtful gift of commiseration from a lovely friend. It certainly made me smile :-)

Lazy Summer

We waved off E last Friday, and had a nice time catching up with some other friends, but have been having a very lazy time generally.
I still feel a bit caught in that static state where I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything apart from the basic stuff: exercise; cooking; cleaning. Its all pretty mindless though, and I've been unable to focus on any writing. I did, however, apply for another job - postwoman - so we'll see if anything comes of that.

I've been here before and I know I just need to force myself out of it. Once I make myself get into a new, healthier rhythm I'll feel much better. A will be going down to Edinburgh for a week soon, for her drama skills course, and I think having that week on my own will push me into changing things.

Risotto

I do find cooking nutritious food really therapeutic, even if its not always appreciated by my daughter, who would rather eat chips :-/

Disappearing girls, and the sorry shin saga continues...

A's friend 'E' arrived on Friday :-)
We met her at the train station, then I took the two girls, along with another of A's friends to see the new Harry Potter film, which we all enjoyed.

This is the cake A made as a welcome for E

The girls seem to be having a great time, and as the week goes on I'm seeing less and less of them. The weather was good for a couple of days, so off they went on the bikes down to the beach, or the park. Its not so nice now, but they still seem keen to get out of the house. They reappear every so often for an outfit change (!) then they're off again. I'm really pleased, particularly that they're not spending much time on the computer. I do feel a bit redundant though!

These two have known each other since they were 4, but haven't seen much of each other since E moved away a few years back - its so lovely to see that their friendship has remained strong despite the time and distance apart. Its also interesting to see them together as almost-teens, all my memories of them together (and they used to spend LOTS of time together, as E's Mum is a great friend of mine) are of little girls playing. They don't 'play' any more. They both seem much older than they are, although there is the odd hint of the little girls they used to be :-)

This is the state of the bedroom at the moment

I have been trying to use the time and space they have given me to do something constructive, ie some clearing out. Yesterday I decided to start on the HE 'stuff' - all the 'evidence' I've kept of A's education, waiting for the day when someone wants to check up on us. Tempting as it was to chuck the lot, there are far too many wonderful memories amongst it all, so I went through it all and filed a lot of it away to keep. Quite an emotional afternoon!

Some of the treasures I found:

• lots of amazing art work - I have a whole box of sketches and paintings




• sheets and sheets of maths work - many with "I hate maths" scrawled somewhere on the page!




• a flow chart entitled 'Why its not my fault' - I want to frame this, such a brilliant example of A's creative logic




• the script of a comedy sketch we wrote together - brought back memories of trying to record it, we had to do loads of takes as we were laughing so much




• many poems and stories - some about herself and her early childhood which were quite sad, amazing insight into very complicated adult situations




• A's hilarious approach to writing up science experiments




• several home-made magazines, focusing on popular culture/fashion/make-up (or rather "mack-up")

I'm so aware that a lot of the child-like aspects of A's character are disappearing now, or transforming, and I feel going to school will just push her that bit further down that road. They are all struggling so hard to be more grown up. Its inevitable, and in some ways very positive as she's becoming a lovely young woman rather than a lovely child (not biased at all ;-)) but for a parent it does evoke mournful feelings too.

So, shins.
Went for my second excruciating session with the sports physio today. She thinks I might benefit from special insoles for my trainers, apparently I may have a slight pronation that wasn't picked up when I went for my shoe fitting. I'm feeling more and more despondent about the whole thing. Its costing me money and causing me pain. I went for a very gentle, very short run this morning, and while my shins weren't too bad I feel like I'm back to square one with my fitness level and stamina. I just ran round a field a couple of times (alternate run-walking) and I felt like I was going to die. Is it worth it I am asking myself?! Somewhere in my memory is that great feeling I got from a good run when I felt I was progressing, I need to find that.

Still waiting...

No news yet about the job, and its doing my head in slightly. I'm finding it very hard to focus on other things and am trying not to plan too much in case I get called in for the induction days.

So, what have I managed to get done?

The dreaded tax return

Harvesting of blackcurrants

(they are now waiting in the freezer to be transformed into blackcurrant vodka!)

Creation of 'chubby bunny'

(a present for a nearly due baby)

I also managed an outing to the pub (hooray!) while A was on a sleepover on Friday night.

Other than that we seem to have been meandering along doing very little, a bit of maths to keep on top of things for A, but lots of late nights and late mornings. A is loving it and keeps reminding me that this is her summer holiday because she is now a 'school kid'. I'm feeling a bit weird about it. I don't like the feeling of not achieving anything, that constant feeling of 'I should be doing something...' I don't seem able to move ahead until I know about the job.

At the end of this week we have a visitor arriving - A's friend from Glespin is coming to stay for a week - unbelievable excitedness from both girls :-) I think they have been planning and scheming on facebook - I wonder what I'm in for!!

Friday

Merry over at Patch of Puddles is looking for HE people to photo-blog 'a day in the life' for her blog carnival, so I thought I would join in.

This was the beautiful clear sky at 7am when I got up for my early morning jog (A was still fast asleep at this point!)


A couple of hours later and A emerges. First things first - facebook check.

Another crucial task - apply make-up.

After breakfast A does some work on her essay-writing course, she's just started it so is looking at paragraphs and how to make them 'flow'.

Meanwhile, I'm preparing a poster we're making of the periodic table. I've measured and drawn out the structure of the table, A is going to do the arty/pretty stuff - colours and script.

A bit later and she's moved on to maths. A is finishing the 'exams' which conclude the online curriculum she's been following. After struggling with some long multiplication, she manages to get 12 out of 13 correct -yay!

Falafels for lunch!

A pause for some prettiness at the top of the stairs - reflections from the sunshine

Next its off to collect the car (we have a car-share arrangement with Granny)

A has control of the camera while I'm driving:

Music (and singing along) is a definite requirement in the car!

20 miles later we arrive in Elgin, have an hour in the gym, then its skating club for A

After skating one of A's mates comes back with us for a sleepover

Crazy makeover fun!

The day concluded with some late night film-watching in bed for the girls, and a vodka & tonic, and vegging in front of the TV downstairs for me.

Not sure if thats a 'typical' HE day, but that was our Friday :D

I have no camera!!

Oh no!!! I managed to break it :-(
It was starting to fall apart anyway - the battery pod wouldn't close so I had to tape it shut - but the other day I took the batteries out and something broke off. It was obviously something important as it will no longer work at all. So until I can afford a new one, there will be very few pictures with my posts (might be able to get some with A's iPod, if she lets me).

I've been feeling a real lack of inspiration where blogging is concerned. Not because nothing is happening, we've been busy as ever and enjoying life. I'm not sure why actually, I suppose I always feel I should have something new and exciting to say, or some new angle on old stuff, but at times life is just a bit...'samey'.
I guess its all part of the ebb and flow, it happens with our HE journey - there are times when things feel a bit stale and we plod along, then invariably something will shake us up and it all gets a bit more interesting again. Lets hope that I get back into my flow sometime soon!!

A's audition that I mentioned in my last post went very well, we wont hear anything until next month, but she really enjoyed the experience, and I'm very proud of her - there's no way I would have the confidence to go to an audition like that.

There's been a happy development in our HE world - one of A's old school friends has made the move into home education. So the girls have been able to spend much more time together :D Although I don't think A is lacking in social connections, it is great to have another HE friend so close by.

Hecticness

I don't know if that is even a real word, but it sums up life round here lately!

There were more celebrations for A, and of course - more cake:

All went extremely well, the sleepover was very chilled, and it was nice that I had a friend here to hang out with too. The only annoying bit was the ice-rink inexplicably closing an hour early, so the girls only got about 20 minutes on the ice, but even that didn't seem to bother them too much (it bothered me - I had paid for them all!!)

It was great for both me and A to reconnect with our friends who came up from Glespin, we don't see them very often but they are important people to us. They ended up staying until Monday because of car problems, so we got them for an extra day :-)

Then, it was my birthday! A much quieter affair for me, we were booked to go to the ballet with the HE group on the actual day, so that worked out well. It was Cinderella, which we hadn't seen before, the set and costumes were pretty wild! At the pre-show talk we went to there was mention of influences from Andy Warhol and Vivienne Westwood, all very colourful and glamorous.

We seem to be doing loads of activities at the moment - A has started a new drama class at the big theatre in Inverness (as well as still going to the local one), and is keeping up with Guides, writing group, ice skating and guitar lessons. While I am continuing with Italian class and pilates, and have taken up Bhangra dancing and boxercise! Its all very exhausting, but in a good way ;-)

Our new HE schedule kind of went by the wayside for about a week, while all the celebrations were going on/being prepared for, but we are back on track with it all now. Granny has been away so A has had to put up with me ignoring her on my work days, which has been fine really. I give her an idea of what I'd like her to work on for the day (mostly stuff she has already chosen as areas of interest) and she gets on with it.

We found this fabulous book - well actually the librarian found it for us and ordered it in - as A had said she wanted to look at the different states in America. The book is so good we have decided to just work through it, covering American history/geography/politics/culture. We've also been playing this game to try and learn where the states are.

Something else we're quite taken with is the Brian Cox series 'Wonders of the Solar System', I had recorded this when it was on TV last year and we've just got around to watching it. Brilliant programme, we are big fans!

Happy Birthday!!

A is now 12 years old! This is the cake we made - chocolate sponge with fudgy frosting, mmmmm.

After opening of presents we went off to the cinema this morning to see Animals United, which was ok - some funny moments. We then went into town for a bit of shopping, including a new hat for A :-) she has quite a collection of hats now, definitely a hat girl.

Altogether a lovely chilled day together. A is gearing up for some proper celebrations next weekend, when our friends arrive from Glespin. She'll be going ice skating with a couple of mates then having a sleepover with them back here. She'll also be getting her hair specially done for the occasion, with some pink streaks, very exciting!!

Festive Cheer

Put our decs up last week, an event that A was very excited about! It always seems like a chore to me - until I get started, then I enjoy it all as much as A. We now have several presents piling up underneath the tree :-)

I appear to be fairly well organised this year, I still have a few more of our paper Chinese lanterns to make, and a few snowman chocolates to make (found a silicone ice tray with little snowman shapes, so have been melting chocolate and remoulding it), but everything else seems sorted. Making jam in the autumn was a brilliant idea as its solved a lot of 'what to buy for..' dilemmas.

A is dangerously easy to buy gifts for (dangerous to my bank balance). Maybe its just because I know her so well, but I keep seeing things that I know she will love. I need to stop buying now, as I have loads of things for her already.

A had her drama performance last Friday. There were quite a few technical hitches with the lighting and sound, which seemed to worry the kids a lot. I tried to point out that the audience all seemed to enjoy it anyway, and nobody blamed the kids for errors that were out of their control, but A seemed a bit upset about it.

I was really proud of her though, the part she was given wasn't one she wanted, and to be honest I could see why - it was quite embarressing for a typically self conscious pre-teen (she was playing a giant baby, and her few lines were 'babyspeak'), and there wasn't a lot she could do with it really. But she stuck with it and did her best.

A has also been doing a lot of writing, and is writing a spooky story in chapters. Its looking good (I'm proofreading).

Talking of writing, we had her writing group at ours last Monday, which meant I had to lead the session(!) It all seemed to go quite well, I gave them a couple of pieces of music to listen to and write about. I found it quite difficult to judge how well it was being received, but have had some positive feedback from a couple of parents so hopefully they enjoyed it. They certainly came up with some interesting work - talented girls!

So what else? A fab sleepover at ours the other weekend with a family of four sisters (fellow home edders). There were lots of board games and a bit of film making, and a vegan chocolate cheesecake that we all enjoyed. A very late night, but lots of fun :-)

A spent this weekend with her paternal grandparents, who took her to see the big panto in Inverness. We're so lucky to have all A's grandparents so close, and really appreciate how supportive they all are in their own ways. As a lone parent, life would be much more difficult for me if I didn't have my Mum and my ex in-laws around, and I can see how much benefit A gets from these relationships.

Yesterday we took ourselves off to see the new Harry Potter film, which we both enjoyed. We're not huge Potter fans, neither of us have read the books, but we've seen all the films. Before the film we treated ourselves to a Starbucks coffee/hot chocolate, and had a hysterical game of charades in the coffee shop (we stayed in our seats, we're not that embarressing!) where A had me crying with laughter at her antics. We seem to laugh a lot together, long may it continue!!

The Tattie Holidays

Its been a funny couple of weeks. The schools up here have been on holiday, so there's been quite a lot of catching up with 'schooled' friends, and our usual (vague) routine has completely disappeared. This always makes me feel a bit uneasy, but thats my stuff, and A has had a great time.

A went on her first Guides sleepover at the beginning of the holidays, held in a local church hall. I think she got about two hours sleep, and she spent most of the following afternoon dozing on the sofa - so a success then!

We went to see this fantastic ice show with Granny, then on to La Tortilla Asesina for a very delicious Tapas meal.
I had a bit of a mini film fest, going to see I am Love and A Prophet in the same week, two very different films. I enjoyed the first mainly because it was in Italian, but I did get drawn into the story. It took me a while to get past the weirdness of the kind of wealthy existence portrayed, where you have staff around all the time to cook, clean, pull your curtains for you etc, but once I'd adjusted to that I became quite intrigued by the characters.
The second film was a very powerful prison story. Not exactly easy viewing, but beautiful and intense, definitely my kind of film.
Whilst in film mode, I watched Dogville (on DVD) again, one of my favourite films. Quite a depressing view of human nature, but brilliantly written, and I love the way its filmed almost like a stage play.

A seems to have developed a keeness for baking, and there is often a chocolatey smell coming from my kitchen these days. They don't always work out well - she's quite reluctant to follow recipes so its a bit of a trial and error process - but the one she's produced today looks very promising :-)

There was another sleepover this weekend, with A going to stay with our HE friends over the other side of Inverness. She had a wonderful time with them, and they managed to produce and perform a little play together - she's clearly found some kindred spirits there!!

So tomorrow its back to normal, whatever that is. Back to a little bit of structure anyway, and back to all the clubs and groups.

sunshine, and more jam

There's been lots of this lately:

which for us means more of this:

we do love our beach (I may have mentioned this before a few times!!!), especially now the schools are back and there's hardly anyone on it :o)

Friday we had a 'beach art' session suggested by A, followed by chips at the cafe (also suggested by A!). Saturday A's mate came round for the day, so we all headed off again - me armed with a magazine this time as I knew I would be surplus to requirements! All good though, I had a lovely lazy time reading and sunbathing while the girls were off paddling and doing whatever it is they do (I wanted to write 'playing' there, but it seems wrong now they are so grown up. They do still 'play' but I don't think they would call it that).

Sunday was a bit windier, so we stayed home. I had another blackcurrant jam-making session with my HUGE new pan, very successful :o) think I'm going to experiment with some other fruits next.

Today A is feeling a bit under the weather so has stayed in bed :o( not like her at all, she hardly ever gets ill. So our plans for the day have all gone out the window. I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do - Mondays are usually busy for us with lots of 'educational stuff' going on. I think because we don't have anything else going on on Mondays - no clubs or regular activities - we often really get stuck into what we're doing at home - projects or new interests. Mondays are actually my favourite day of the week because of this.

However, I'm not feeling that great myself - managed to slip on the stairs last night, ending up in a heap at the bottom - so I'm feeling a bit sore at the moment, maybe a quiet, restful day would be a good idea for both of us.

Food and Friends

These have been the dominant themes over the last few days.

The apples are starting to fall from Granny's tree, so plenty of pies and crumbles will be appearing :o)

I had a go at jam-making with some local blackcurrants - divine!!! Think I'll be making another trip to the fruit farm soon as five jars isn't going to last long (especially seeing as I've given 3 away already!) I do need a bigger pan though.

Picked up some broad beans at the fruit (& veg) farm, and made a delicious bean and mushroom risotto - mmmmm.....

Spent Sunday in Perth with some friends who were up from Norwich. Had a great time catching up and walking round the river.

More friends on Monday! Visited some HE friends over the other side of Inverness from us - beautiful weather and surroundings:

and lovely friends to play with:

and chill with:

What have we been up to?

Quite a sociable, busy couple of weeks - visiting old friends for a weekend, and catching up with lots of other friends we haven't seen for a while.

Also...

Having our hair dyed:



Doing some henna tattoos:

Going to see the new twilight film - far too soppy for my liking, but A really enjoyed it

And A has been updating her new blog .

Positivity

Anyone who follows this blog will know that I have regular maths-related anxiety attacks. Don't know why its maths in particular that gets me this way, might be partly to do with A's own feelings about the subject, but anyway, I have been known to lie awake at night worrying myself half to death about whether I am failing my daughter, and will she turn around in ten years time and say "I never learnt my times tables properly because you didn't make me, and because of that my life is now ruined". Not sure why her life would be ruined by this, but my catastrophising generally doesn't need reason.

I decided to do a general review last week, just for myself really, and go through all the 'work' A has been doing this year (by work I mean any interests/activities, not just written stuff). Looking at it as objectively as possible I don't have any concerns - I think she's got a great, and full 'curriculum', which covers a broad range of 'subjects' (I know I'm putting all this in schoolish terminology, which doesn't really apply to the way we do things, but I suppose I do use what she would be doing at school as some kind of comparison when I'm assessing things). She's a bright girl, with clear strengths and weaknesses, but no particular problems with what she's learning (Oh God, this is starting to sound like a school report!)

But I knew all that anyway. What I was really pleased about - from an assessing point of view rather than being involved in the learning process - was how she's progressing with maths. Looking at what she's covered, through the online site we're using and the other material relevant to each theme that I've brought in, made me feel really positive about it all. Sometimes I just need to step back a bit and be a bit more objective, instead of getting all caught up in the parental fear/anxiety/guilt about what she should be doing, because actually she's doing fine. In fact, she's doing brilliantly, and she's happy.

Took a visiting friend to Cawdor yesterday, just for a walk around the gardens and the woods, here are some pictures:

In character

The walled garden

Sculpture made from flint

Bee on a thistle

View from a bridge

Had a lovely girly night last night - make-overs and chocolate facepacks; home made pizza; DVDs; painted toenails - a very late night and a lie-in this morning. Perfect.

A dramatic week

Because A took part in the performance of 'Island Dream' (a take on A Midsummer Nights Dream) with her drama group. She played 'Bottom', a good role for her - lots of very funny lines. She had a little contingent of fans in the audience - grandparents and friends - and did extremely well. More importantly she really enjoyed the whole experience, not just performing but the teamwork involved with the group. She's going up to the older group after the summer, which she's a bit sad about as she'll be leaving some of her friends behind, but it will be an opportunity to make new ones and maybe for more challenges.

A's friend came over last night for a sleepover, and they have gone off this morning with Granny to the Quaker group's barbecue, its glorious sunshine and they will be by the beach so I'm sure they'll have a great time. Later on they are going off to a dress-up/singalong showing of Mama Mia (are they insane??), so I wont see them for a while. A chance for me to get on with some work, a bit sad when its such a lovely day. I now have an 'office' in our spare room, which is much better than working in the corner of the living room, and am on a mission to create an even more effective work space. I need a desk, and a proper chair for sitting at the computer (one which supports my knackered old back).
I have another piece in the current issue of mumsense magazine, not really an article - more of a list: '101 summer fun ideas', something I was asked to do, and created back when we were snowed in, which was a little weird! I have a couple of other pieces I'm working on, but feel I need a big push to get some more work out there. It feels difficult at the moment as there's so much going on through the summer - various visitors coming up, and then we're away again for a couple of weeks - but then there's always 'stuff' to distract me, I just need to get on with it.

We are back

Hello!!
Feels like we've been away for months. Had a busy time, mostly fun, visiting and staying with various people down south. Struggles with certain elements, for both of us (yes, I'm being deliberately vague here) but hopefully we'll learn from it. All in all a good holiday with lots of happy times and good people.

Started off in London with my oldest friend - M, (she's not old - I've just known her a long time!), a lovely, lovely person, who put us up for a weekend. Its always easy with M, we don't actually keep in touch very much, occasionally email, but whenever we meet up we seem to slot back into that old friendship as if we'd just seen each other last week. Very much on the same wavelength.
On the Sunday the three of us went into town, firstly to the V&A, then to see 'Stomp' in the West end. Really enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how they would make a show out of what is basically a load of grubby looking men banging stuff (which incidentally is one of my favourite fantasies) but it was very slick and clever, and also very funny.

I haven't got too many photos this time, but here are a few from the V&A :

Some squashed trumpets etc hanging from the ceiling

A strange glass sculpture

This is my favourite - its title is "Guts"

Glass lollipops

Some vases