Thursday, 28 July 2011

Lazy Summer

We waved off E last Friday, and had a nice time catching up with some other friends, but have been having a very lazy time generally.
I still feel a bit caught in that static state where I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything apart from the basic stuff: exercise; cooking; cleaning. Its all pretty mindless though, and I've been unable to focus on any writing. I did, however, apply for another job - postwoman - so we'll see if anything comes of that.

I've been here before and I know I just need to force myself out of it. Once I make myself get into a new, healthier rhythm I'll feel much better. A will be going down to Edinburgh for a week soon, for her drama skills course, and I think having that week on my own will push me into changing things.

I do find cooking nutritious food really therapeutic, even if its not always appreciated by my daughter, who would rather eat chips :-/

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Disappearing girls, and the sorry shin saga continues...

A's friend 'E' arrived on Friday :-)
We met her at the train station, then I took the two girls, along with another of A's friends to see the new Harry Potter film, which we all enjoyed.

This is the cake A made as a welcome for E

The girls seem to be having a great time, and as the week goes on I'm seeing less and less of them. The weather was good for a couple of days, so off they went on the bikes down to the beach, or the park. Its not so nice now, but they still seem keen to get out of the house. They reappear every so often for an outfit change (!) then they're off again. I'm really pleased, particularly that they're not spending much time on the computer. I do feel a bit redundant though!

These two have known each other since they were 4, but haven't seen much of each other since E moved away a few years back - its so lovely to see that their friendship has remained strong despite the time and distance apart. Its also interesting to see them together as almost-teens, all my memories of them together (and they used to spend LOTS of time together, as E's Mum is a great friend of mine) are of little girls playing. They don't 'play' any more. They both seem much older than they are, although there is the odd hint of the little girls they used to be :-)

This is the state of the bedroom at the moment

I have been trying to use the time and space they have given me to do something constructive, ie some clearing out. Yesterday I decided to start on the HE 'stuff' - all the 'evidence' I've kept of A's education, waiting for the day when someone wants to check up on us. Tempting as it was to chuck the lot, there are far too many wonderful memories amongst it all, so I went through it all and filed a lot of it away to keep. Quite an emotional afternoon!

Some of the treasures I found:

  • lots of amazing art work - I have a whole box of sketches and paintings

  • sheets and sheets of maths work - many with "I hate maths" scrawled somewhere on the page!

  • a flow chart entitled 'Why its not my fault' - I want to frame this, such a brilliant example of A's creative logic

  • the script of a comedy sketch we wrote together - brought back memories of trying to record it, we had to do loads of takes as we were laughing so much

  • many poems and stories - some about herself and her early childhood which were quite sad, amazing insight into very complicated adult situations

  • A's hilarious approach to writing up science experiments

  • several home-made magazines, focusing on popular culture/fashion/make-up (or rather "mack-up")

I'm so aware that a lot of the child-like aspects of A's character are disappearing now, or transforming, and I feel going to school will just push her that bit further down that road. They are all struggling so hard to be more grown up. Its inevitable, and in some ways very positive as she's becoming a lovely young woman rather than a lovely child (not biased at all ;-)) but for a parent it does evoke mournful feelings too.

So, shins.
Went for my second excruciating session with the sports physio today. She thinks I might benefit from special insoles for my trainers, apparently I may have a slight pronation that wasn't picked up when I went for my shoe fitting. I'm feeling more and more despondent about the whole thing. Its costing me money and causing me pain. I went for a very gentle, very short run this morning, and while my shins weren't too bad I feel like I'm back to square one with my fitness level and stamina. I just ran round a field a couple of times (alternate run-walking) and I felt like I was going to die. Is it worth it I am asking myself?! Somewhere in my memory is that great feeling I got from a good run when I felt I was progressing, I need to find that.

Monday, 11 July 2011

Still waiting...

No news yet about the job, and its doing my head in slightly. I'm finding it very hard to focus on other things and am trying not to plan too much in case I get called in for the induction days.

So, what have I managed to get done?

The dreaded tax return

Harvesting of blackcurrants

(they are now waiting in the freezer to be transformed into blackcurrant vodka!)

Creation of 'chubby bunny'

(a present for a nearly due baby)

I also managed an outing to the pub (hooray!) while A was on a sleepover on Friday night.

Other than that we seem to have been meandering along doing very little, a bit of maths to keep on top of things for A, but lots of late nights and late mornings. A is loving it and keeps reminding me that this is her summer holiday because she is now a 'school kid'. I'm feeling a bit weird about it. I don't like the feeling of not achieving anything, that constant feeling of 'I should be doing something...' I don't seem able to move ahead until I know about the job.

At the end of this week we have a visitor arriving - A's friend from Glespin is coming to stay for a week - unbelievable excitedness from both girls :-) I think they have been planning and scheming on facebook - I wonder what I'm in for!!

Friday, 1 July 2011

More drama, sore shins, and zombie cupcakes!

Thats drama as in performances - not real life ;-)

Tuesday was end of term for A's Inverness drama class, with a 15 min show for parents. I really enjoyed this one - the humour was quite dark, with some quirky little touches. But A has decided not to go back after the summer. She's enjoyed the class in some ways, but I think she feels a bit old for it - its for 9 -12 yr olds, and is mostly 9 and 10 yr olds. The other drama group she's in is for 12 - 16 yr olds and she fits in much more easily and happily there. She did ask if she could go up to the older group but was told she'd have to wait until she's 13, so that means 2 more terms in the younger group.
On Wednesday we went to see one of our HE friends perform with her musical theatre group, which was lots of fun. I was amazed at how tight the performances were, the kids must have worked really hard.
And on Thursday A went to see a drama show at the school she'll be going to, which some of her friends were in. She said she enjoyed it and may join that group (which would make up for leaving the Inverness group!)

I didn't go to the show at the school, as it was my first night at the running club. There was a woman I know in the beginners group, which made it easier as we ran together. I really enjoyed running with a group, more than I thought I would. It was great having someone else to time keep, and I felt it was just the right level for me. BUT - my shins started hurting again after the run, and are feeling really sore today - AAAARRGGH!!! This is SO frustrating! This is what happened before - just when I started getting somewhere and increasing my running times the shins flared up. I'm feeling very despondent about it, as all I want to do is get out there and RUN! But all the advice about shin splints says "stop running" :-( I'm thinking about going to see a sports physio I know, maybe she will be able to help.

I've not heard about the job yet. I phoned to check and apparently there is a backlog, so I just have to be patient...

Thought I should put some photos in to brighten up this post, so here you go:

I'm very pleased with how my fruit is coming on, although I did chase a blackbird away from my blackcurrants earlier, so will have to pick them soon I think!

We had a shopping trip today, and along with all the school-related items I bought (this school malarky is proving expensive!!) we found this wonderful book - combining my love of cake and horror - perfect :D It contains such marvels as:

Shattered Glass

Blood-stained Brains

And my personal favourite -

Bleeding Hearts