Pink Drink

I finally got round to starting my blackcurrant vodka - pretty eh? I just need to remember to shake it every day. It will be a little Christmas treat, eventually :-)

There have been sleepovers here the last two weekends - two of A's mates from school stayed last weekend and a different one this weekend. There was also an ice-skating disco on Friday. So the social whirl that is A's life continues. I wont pretend I can keep up with it all. She's off out again today, but she was very good about fitting in her homework once her friend left yesterday :-)

So where are we with my exercise regime??? I have to admit that for the last couple of weeks I have been utterly slothful. Also, fairly gluttonous. And probably guilty of all the other deadly sins somewhere along the way.
I really don't know where my motivation has gone. I know that I felt better when I was exercising, and I enjoyed it, but somehow all I want to do at the moment is lie around eating crisps. And the longer this goes on the harder it is to start again. It would be so much easier if I could afford a big scary personal trainer to come round and shout at me every morning. But I cant, so I'll have to find another way of getting back on track.

I had a meeting with my new manager on Friday, along with another new starter (this is good - I will know someone at the induction on Tuesday!). All seems very positive, and I'm cautiously looking forward to starting work next Wednesday. Actually, I'm feeling really excited about it, as well as slightly terrified. Meeting new workmates is always scary (I'm assuming thats not just me?) but I'll be spending a fair amount of time out and about on my own - once I've done enough training - so not too much time trapped with colleagues! The fact that its a mainly male work environment makes it easier too, not sure why that should be? I suppose I have this notion that blokes don't expect you to share quite as much about yourself as women do, I may be wrong.
Anyway, I will post again once I've started and tell all!!

The Non-Holiday

This is not a happy post.

The trip to Italy, it appears, was doomed. First we had to suddenly cancel the second week we had planned. Then - the day before we left - I injured my back, so the 3 and a half hours on a coach down to Edinburgh were not too much fun. Then, just as we'd checked in at the Travel Lodge for a good nights rest before the early morning flight to Pisa, Nonno received a text telling us our flight had been cancelled and we should look at the website. A general strike had been announced in Italy, and this included baggage handlers at Pisa airport.
After much confusion and a trip to the airport to try and speak to someone from Ryanair (HA!) we discovered (from the website) that all flights to Pisa for the next few days were fully booked, so the option we were given to 're-book on the next available flight' was pretty useless.
So the next day, feeling a bit shell-shocked, we got back on the Inverness bus and came home :-(

A was keen to get straight back to school, so she ended up only missing 2 days. She's been kept busy with school-life and friends, which is good. I, however, have been alternately moping about feeling sorry for myself, and trying to force myself to do 'fun things' to take my mind off the fact that I SHOULD BE IN ITALY!!! I wont even go into the stress I've experienced dealing with airlines and insurance companies - trying to claim a little back of the huge amount of money I've lost on this non-holiday. And breathe...

I did receive this through the post though:


a wonderfully thoughtful gift of commiseration from a lovely friend. It certainly made me smile :-)

Postwoman K

This will be me in a few weeks time:

Minus the cat, I hope (I'm allergic).

Yes - I got the job!!!! Just got to wait for all the police checks etc to go through, then I will get my starting date :D
I'm so happy and relieved about this, I cant believe I've managed to get a job (and one that I want!) so quickly. I'm also really pleased I didn't get the supermarket job now - the postie one is much better money, and a definite shift pattern (I've heard that the supermarket are pressuring people to take on lots of extra hours). And with A settling in to school life so well, the pessimist that I am keeps questioning - surely it cant be this easy?? 3 months ago we were quite happily plodding along with our HE life, I had an awareness that I needed to get more money coming in and was struggling to work out how to do that with A at home all the time, but things were ok. Now things are soooooo different. Its all a bit mad really.

There are some strange and puzzling things about school. Like the coat thing. Apparently "nobody wears a coat to school". Apparently, this would be the height of uncoolness. Even when its pissing with rain. I've had to bite my tongue a bit on this, after all - if she wants to sit in damp clothes all day I suppose thats her business. My, those classrooms must smell nice on rainy days!
I'm just picturing her in the depths of winter, trudging through the snow, shivering and turning blue, because: WEARING A COAT IS JUST NOT COOL MUM!!!!!!
She's off to a writing workshop today - part of our town's book and arts festival, she won her place by writing a cinquain. Only one pupil from each class got a place, so she did really well. She gets the morning off school and will spend the time with professional writer Kenneth Steven. Cant wait to hear how she got on.
And then tonight, in another part of the festival, she will be reading out some of her own pieces, along with others from her writing group. The group she's in is only small, but it grew out of a much larger adults writing group, so they are all giving an evening of readings for the festival.

This weekend will be spent packing and organising for our holiday, then on Monday we are off to Italy!! I'm so excited :-) I will bore you to death with photos when we get back ;-)

Car boot finds, Spooky Men, interviews....

Hey, look what I found at a car boot sale last Sunday:

yes - this is the type of find that excites me :D

And I know they are only piddly little ones, but they are enough for me, for now. A much better way to incorporate weights into my circuits than tins of beans/bottles of water. Although it has to be said this week has been a bit lax in terms of exercise, for various reasons. Such is life - I will be back on it next week!

Monday night was a very good night - we went to see The Spooky Men's Chorale, haven't laughed so much in ages. Lots of big men, some with big beards, singing Georgian choral inspired songs with titles such as "Don't stand between a man and his tool". Fantastic voices, and so, so funny. If you ever get the chance - GO AND SEE THEM!!!

Laughter was just what I needed as I had the interview looming on Tuesday morning. I get very nervous about interviews, and had been carrying around this feeling of dread all week before it. It actually went very well, as far as I could tell. I'm hopeful, but trying not to bank on getting it - there were 3 other candidates. I've learnt from my experience with the supermarket, where they were taking on loads of staff and I was sure I would get something...nope.

It would suit me quite well though, its afternoons so I would be at home in the mornings for A (although not when she gets home from school), and it would mostly be driving around in a little red van delivering parcels. Its just a matter of waiting to hear now, the interviewer did say it can take a while for the decision to be made.

After the interview I had some news about our holiday - unfortunately we will have to cut it short :-( Due to circumstances beyond my control we cant have our second week over near Venice. I'm gutted, and considerably out of pocket with having to change flights etc, but its not something any of us could have foreseen, so I'm just trying to focus on us having a brilliant time with A's Nonno and Nonna in La Spezia and Pisa for the first week.

As for school, all is well :-) A is managing the early mornings remarkably well, and seems to be enjoying all aspects of school life. She did have to have a maths test, which she was quite worried about. Maths is the only subject that is streamed straight away, and A had been put into the bottom group to start with as they had no primary school record to judge her on - hence the test. She came home after the test saying that she didn't think she had answered anything right, and was resigned (and actually fairly content) to staying in the bottom group. I wasn't sure what to think, I know she has far more ability than she realises, but I also know how panicky she gets about tests, and thought she might have done really badly through sheer terror! The following day she announced she'd been moved up to the middle group. I hope this gives her a bit of a boost and makes her realise that she's not "rubbish" (her words, not mine!) at maths.

School!

So here is the 'child in school uniform' photo, along with her very cool Boosh school bag. I couldn't persuade her to stand to attention, so lounging on the couch will have to do.

And we now have a drawer marked 'school stuff'
how bizarre.

A seems to have taken to school extremely well, and is clearly enjoying the social side of it! I suppose its a bit early to say too much, but it really feels right for her. I've had a few pangs of sadness here at home thinking about the sort of things we'd be doing if we were still HEing, but mostly I've just felt happy at her obvious happiness. I'm so glad she was able to make that decision so clearly and confidently.

A's week in Edinburgh at the drama course was a fantastic success, she got so much out of it. The end of week performance for parents was just incredible, I was seriously impressed (and I've seen a fair few performances over the years with A's love of drama), and very very proud :-)

She was totally exhausted afterwards, as their working days had been 9am to 9pm, but she soon recovered and is adamant she's going back next year. I've told her we'll need to start saving now!

I had some good news yesterday - I have an interview next week for the postwoman job. Thats my cue to go into panic mode of course, but its good to know that there's at least a possibility of work ahead.

I went out for a little run yesterday. Yay! First time in weeks. I just took things very gently, didn't time myself, didn't even make a decision on how far I'd go. I went with the attitude 'I'll see how it goes'. It actually went very well, not in terms of speed and distance, but I felt pretty good, aaaand...my shins feel ok - double yay!! I'd better not get too excited, we'll see how it goes next time...

Disappearing girls, and the sorry shin saga continues...

A's friend 'E' arrived on Friday :-)
We met her at the train station, then I took the two girls, along with another of A's friends to see the new Harry Potter film, which we all enjoyed.

This is the cake A made as a welcome for E

The girls seem to be having a great time, and as the week goes on I'm seeing less and less of them. The weather was good for a couple of days, so off they went on the bikes down to the beach, or the park. Its not so nice now, but they still seem keen to get out of the house. They reappear every so often for an outfit change (!) then they're off again. I'm really pleased, particularly that they're not spending much time on the computer. I do feel a bit redundant though!

These two have known each other since they were 4, but haven't seen much of each other since E moved away a few years back - its so lovely to see that their friendship has remained strong despite the time and distance apart. Its also interesting to see them together as almost-teens, all my memories of them together (and they used to spend LOTS of time together, as E's Mum is a great friend of mine) are of little girls playing. They don't 'play' any more. They both seem much older than they are, although there is the odd hint of the little girls they used to be :-)

This is the state of the bedroom at the moment

I have been trying to use the time and space they have given me to do something constructive, ie some clearing out. Yesterday I decided to start on the HE 'stuff' - all the 'evidence' I've kept of A's education, waiting for the day when someone wants to check up on us. Tempting as it was to chuck the lot, there are far too many wonderful memories amongst it all, so I went through it all and filed a lot of it away to keep. Quite an emotional afternoon!

Some of the treasures I found:

• lots of amazing art work - I have a whole box of sketches and paintings




• sheets and sheets of maths work - many with "I hate maths" scrawled somewhere on the page!




• a flow chart entitled 'Why its not my fault' - I want to frame this, such a brilliant example of A's creative logic




• the script of a comedy sketch we wrote together - brought back memories of trying to record it, we had to do loads of takes as we were laughing so much




• many poems and stories - some about herself and her early childhood which were quite sad, amazing insight into very complicated adult situations




• A's hilarious approach to writing up science experiments




• several home-made magazines, focusing on popular culture/fashion/make-up (or rather "mack-up")

I'm so aware that a lot of the child-like aspects of A's character are disappearing now, or transforming, and I feel going to school will just push her that bit further down that road. They are all struggling so hard to be more grown up. Its inevitable, and in some ways very positive as she's becoming a lovely young woman rather than a lovely child (not biased at all ;-)) but for a parent it does evoke mournful feelings too.

So, shins.
Went for my second excruciating session with the sports physio today. She thinks I might benefit from special insoles for my trainers, apparently I may have a slight pronation that wasn't picked up when I went for my shoe fitting. I'm feeling more and more despondent about the whole thing. Its costing me money and causing me pain. I went for a very gentle, very short run this morning, and while my shins weren't too bad I feel like I'm back to square one with my fitness level and stamina. I just ran round a field a couple of times (alternate run-walking) and I felt like I was going to die. Is it worth it I am asking myself?! Somewhere in my memory is that great feeling I got from a good run when I felt I was progressing, I need to find that.

Glad that week's over

Not that anything went badly, just quite stressful.

A had her induction days on Tuesday and Wednesday, with a disco (and parents meeting) on the Tuesday night. She was really nervous, but there were quite a few friendly faces around - kids she knows who are already in the school. I think the size of the place, and amount of people, was a bit intimidating for her, but she seems to have enjoyed the lessons she had - apart from maths, why am I not surprised?? She particularly liked science, it sounds like the science teacher is going to be a favourite.
She had a great time at the disco, and appears to have made quite a few new friends amongst her soon-to-be classmates :-)
So now we just need to buy her uniform - sorry, I mean 'dress code', they don't call it uniform. And a school bag. And probably lots of things to put in the school bag!

I still feel like things are moving far too quickly, but I have the summer to try and adjust to it all. Its a weird state of mind I'm in, I'm not upset or sad about it, A's clarity about going to school makes me feel that this is what is meant to be. I think I feel a bit lost in it - life is taking its own course without consulting me. On one hand I'm pretty confident that things will work out well for A, but on the other - we've been HEing for 3 years now, and suddenly I've got to put all that aside.

Hopefully I'll get the job I went for and that will keep me busy! I had the interview on Wednesday, and although I knew it wasn't going to be an intimidating 'panel' job (I was told there would be a maths test, DVD test, then a one-to-one 'chat') I couldn't help getting horrendously nervous about it. Anyway, it all went very well, and I should hear at the beginning of the week whether I've got a position or not.

On Thursday night there was the performance of A's drama group, where she played the part of a high school emo. It was a fantastic show, the kids all worked really hard - co-writing and developing the play. They all did really well and have obviously formed a strong little team, there were surprise outstanding performances from some, and the play gave me a much-needed good laugh :D

I've been keeping up with my fitness training - have discovered that I was running too fast!! I was trying to work out why I can run for 15 mins on the treadmill no problem, but struggle after about 1 min outside!? Even allowing for the environmental differences (wind, temperature, bumpy path) thats quite a discrepancy. I suppose its obvious really, but its taken me this long to realise the other difference is pace - of course on the treadmill its totally regulated. When I'm out running I always feel like I'm running really slowly, but its difficult to judge, and by consciously slowing my pace just a little everything becomes so much easier.
The other change I've made is going out later in the morning. I used get up early and get out by about 7am. Now, I'm not particularly a 'morning person', so this was a great struggle, but I did it because nobody is around at that time to see me all red and sweaty and out of breath. But it did bother me a bit that I was going out before breakfast, and I'm not sure that was good for me - pushing myself energetically with no fuel in me. So I decided - to hell with the vanity - I'll get up and have breakfast by about 8, and get out running by about 9.30. That way at least I wont frighten small children as they'll be in school by then!
The result - running feels much more pleasant :-)
I'm going to the running group on Thursday for the first time, will let you know how it goes.

Guess What?

A wants to go to school.

She came to this decision one week ago, and I am still getting my head around it.

It all came out of the news that one of her HE friends is going into S1 after the summer. This made me think about the fact that this is the last chance for A to go in to secondary school as a first year, so we discussed this. As we talked it became clear that she was quite excited about the idea, and she immediately said she wanted to go back to school 'at some point'. I had to say that if that was the case then now was probably the time to do it, as going in with a new intake (rather than being the new kid going in to an established group) would be easier.

It amazes me how quickly she became enthusiastic about going to school, she's been on facebook talking to friends who are at school, and one girl in particular has been very supportive, she's a few years older so wont be in her year but will walk in with her and keep an eye out for her.

So, its been a bit of a mad week! I've enrolled her and she has two induction days (with all the P7s) next week. Its all happened so quickly that I don't feel I've had time to catch my breath. Our lives are going to change so drastically, it is slightly scary, but I have a real sense of this being 'right'. Even though there are lots of things about school I have difficulty with, and I have loved our 3 years of HE, no one way is perfect. I can completely see why she wants to go to school - I have always worried about the social side of things, and I think this is the main issue for A. She has lots of friends, and she's very sociable, but she has a real need to spend more time with her peers.

She is very nervous, but I can see the excitement too, and its really important that this is her decision, its something she has to do. She's most worried about maths, and they get streamed immediately for maths, so she may have to do some kind of assessment, which she wont be happy about, but its one of the things she'll have to get used to I suppose.

I'm aware that A going to school will make this blog kind of redundant :-( but I think I'll leave it up, even just for myself as a record of what we did.

Other news - I have a job interview! Its just for a part time supermarket job, but would bring in a regular income, which would be very useful! I plan to carry on writing as well, seeing as I'll apparently have lots of time on my hands by the middle of August.

Still here...

Felt it was time for a blog post.
A has gone off to an all day party today, so I've got a whole day to myself. I've kind of missed blogging, so thought I'd take this opportunity to write a few words.

I dropped A off at the swimming pool at 11 this morning, and am picking her up from her friend's at 8pm. She was really nervous about it, the friend is someone she used to go to ballet with ages ago, and they've kind of kept up with each other through email. She did come over here last week, but before that they hadn't actually seen each other for a couple of years, and A wont really know any of the other girls at the party (she knows a couple of them from her old school, but they weren't in her class and she hasn't seen them for ages either). Anyway, understandably she was quite apprehensive, but also really wanted to go. I felt sick when I left her at the swimming pool - I don't think it matters how old they get, you always feel for them so intensely. And I know she'll be fine - I'm 99.9% sure they'll all get on well and she'll have a great time, but there's still that 0.1% fear that it will all go wrong. Well its 12.40 now and I haven't heard from her, so maybe I should just relax :0)

Things seem to be coming together a bit more with (the dreaded) maths. We have been using this Australian site, I even paid for the year as A seemed to like it so much, and its been a really good way for her to chart her progress. She just does about 20 - 30 minutes most days, and it seems to suit her way of learning. There are lots of games, some very short 'tutorials', and worksheets to print out - enough of a variety of things not to get boring. She struggled a bit with the timed assessments, just the idea of being timed stresses her out, but it doesn't matter how many times you attempt them. And it really proves to her when she completes them that she is not as crap at maths as she thinks. There are also lots of other activities - things you can 'buy' with your points, and each student has their own character they can design.
To be honest its not the sort of site I had imagined using, but it really does seem to work for A, and when it comes to maths I'll use whatever works!

A had a bit of a mini crisis this week, which was very interesting for both of us.
I had dropped her off for choir at her old school, but it turned out choir was cancelled, so she called me to go back for her. On the way home she ended up in tears, saying she wanted to go back to school and that she really missed it. I had to take a deep breath and try not to react too much, as this immediately sent me into a head space I really didn't want to be in - ie I made the wrong decision about HE. So I stayed calm, and fairly quiet, and we considered the options together. As it happens, things are better for us financially now (lack of money was the main reason for taking her out of school), but not enough for me to afford fees for the next five years. We talked about what a shame it is the school isn't open to flexi-schooling, as I could possibly manage to fund that. We talked about the local schools, which neither of us are keen on.
When she was a bit calmer she told me what had prompted the upset - one of her 'friends' up at the school while waiting for me to go back for her had been winding her up and generally playing manipulative mind games along the lines of: why did you leave the school?/don't you want to be here with us?/you will lose all your friends here/people wont like you any more because you left.
This is not unusual or surprising from this particular girl. However, I happen to know that this girl is having an extremely hard time at home just now, and while that doesn't excuse what she did, it did help to discuss that with A, and give her another perspective - ie that sadly the girl's way of dealing with difficulties seems to be to hurt other people.
About an hour after we got home I had to take A off to drama, and as she got out of the car she said 'don't worry about earlier - I was just having a 'moment', I don't really want to go back to school at all, I love home ed'. It was such a relief to hear that! Apart from anything else I don't think I could face going back and dealing with all those people - I would do it for A's sake, but I would hate it.

The whole episode brought up a couple of things. Firstly, there is still the issue of 'friends' and the fact that A doesn't feel she sees enough of them. Her going to a few group activities now has definitely helped, and with drama in particular she really enjoys being part of a team, but she still seems to need more. She's really keen on joining guides now, but we're still waiting for a place to come up :0( I'm also looking into sending her to art lessons at another local independent school, who are open to that kind of flexi-schooling, as I think she needs more guidance than I can give in this subject, so thats a possible opportunity for more socialising. Its a real shame there's not a more cohesive, close-knit HE group in our area, but thats mainly down to the fact that we are in the Highlands and eveyone is so spread out. I don't know of any other HEors in our town.
A more positive upshot of the whole incident was the way we both handled it, and what that says about our relationship. I can imagine, if I was feeling hassled or rushed, reacting very differently. I hate to admit it, but I think I could have quite easily gone on the defensive, thinking 'oh god, don't tell me that!' and come out with all the reasons she couldn't go back to school. Instead I listened, and seriously considered what she was saying, and she felt heard. This is one time where I actually feel I can say I got it right :0)

A has requested a project about pregnancy and childbirth, as she feels she doesn't know enough about them, so after a trip to the library and finding very little appropriate material, I bought this and this for us to use. So will be starting that very soon.

We had a lovely little exercise this week, suggested by A - we visited a new vegan deli/coffee shop in our town (so excited about that!!!) and both wrote reviews about the place. They were glowing :0))

The girl's social whirl

A was singing at her old school's Christmas Market with the choir yesterday, very enjoyable to watch and listen to. She then disappeared with a gang of mates while I caught up with a couple of people and did some shopping. After a couple of hours I was ready to go, but A wasn't! Luckily another parent offered to bring her home later on, so I left her there.

She had a great time, as far as I can tell the group (about six or seven of them - girls and boys - all 11/12ish) did their own thing, including going off to the local shops, while the parents were involved in running stalls etc. This kind of thing is happening more and more often, and to me it feels positive, if a bit weird. She really is growing up.

Today she has gone off to the cinema with a couple of the friends she was with yesterday (with their parent - apart from anything else the nearest cinema is 15 miles away).

I have to say I am really enjoying seeing her burgeoning independence, and the self confidence that clearly follows. We seem to have entered into a new phase of this, which I think is partly a result of all the new group activities she is involved in. The latest of these - the creative writing group - is fantastic, and I'm sure will do wonders for her confidence.

Stress Tests

I don't know if anyone else has come across these, maybe they are a normal part of the curriculum in mainstream English schools? But I've just heard that a 9-year-old relative had one at his school in the South of England.
Basically, all the children in his class had to go (on their own) to the head teacher's office and verbally answer some mental arithmetic questions, they were given three seconds to answer each question. They got to chose when they wanted to do it, but they all had to do it.

Now, maybe its just me, but that sounds horrendous. I'm quite good at maths, but I'm sure I would do extremely badly under those conditions. My relative did really well, and his parents are proud of him, and its great for him that he's had a boost to his self esteem, but he's always been very good at mental arithmetic, its one of his strengths. When I think of my arty, creative, dreamy daughter having to go through that I just know that she would not only do very badly in terms of getting lots of questions wrong, but also become really anxious and very worried about the whole thing. There must be loads of kids whose brains just aren't wired to do well in situations like that, how many will come away thinking "I must be rubbish at maths" ?

Surely the most important thing with maths is to understand how to work things out, and the best way to do that is to apply it to real life. I can see that certain specific occupations might require people to have skills in quickfire calculations, but how is that relevant to a class of 9 and 10 year olds? If ever I heard of a good way to put more kids off maths - this is it!

School Festival

I found out last week that it was the Michaelmas festival at A's old school today, and a friend suggested we come along. A was very keen to go and watch her old classmates do their musical bit, so off we went this morning. I was a little wary - wondering what emotions this might stir up for A, bearing in mind she hadn't wanted to leave the school. She was quite nervous going in, but enjoyed watching the festival and happily caught up with some friends after the performances, with soup and cake. I overheard one friend ask her "so do you like being home educated then?" to which she answered "yeah, its really fun!" :0)

I have to be honest - I didn't enjoy the experience so much. But then I never did enjoy these social events (apart from the proud Mum bit). I came away thinking 'thank god I'm out of all this'. I know that part of this is due to my own insecurities in social situations, but it was such an unfriendly and unwelcoming place. I don't know if this is common of most schools, maybe its more intense in a small school like this where parental involvement is at a high level (so everyone seems to know everyone else's business), but as I looked around I just thought "what a bunch of bastards". Yes - that is me being bitter and cynical, I know this, but I also hear the sort of things people are saying behind each others backs, and there is so much back-stabbing going on while they all pretend to be so 'spiritual'. I do have a handful of close friends there, and others I quite like, but I find the environment itself really draining and negative. I'm torn in a way because I know A was very happy there for the most part, so there is something positive going on, but for me it was a trial.

The whole thing left me feeling quite down and crabby, but I am getting better at dealing with those sort of feelings - came home, put Orkestra del Sol on the stereo, and we had a mental dance session in the living room. Felt much better after that.



On a lighter note - found our picture in the local paper (below - it wasn't on their website so had to take a photo of the actual paper!)

Happy Girls

A has had a very social weekend! On Friday afternoon we went and picked up two of her friends from her old school. It was very weird driving up to the school again, but A got a lovely welcome. We actually got there a bit early and managed to disrupt the class as one of the boys spotted us out of the window, next thing you know there are a load of kids hanging out of the window calling to A. I think she quite enjoyed all the attention, and she didn't show any signs of wanting to be back there as a class member.

A few of us went off to Findhorn bay as the weather was magnificent, and we spent a couple of hours there. Then I took the three girls over to Nairn beach (see picture), then home to ours for a sleepover. They had a great time, and I got some peace and quiet, apart from them getting up and disturbing me with their giggling at about 6.30 on Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon A went off to another friend's house to play, and had a very happy time there too.

I had a very exciting night out on Saturday - went to see Orkestra_del_Sol in Drumnadrochit - a fantastic night!! It was all very last minute, my friend and I had seen them play before a few months ago, and said next time they play near us we will take the kids as they would love it. However, we never managed to get organised and book tickets for various reasons, so I didn't think we'd get there, but with about an hour or so to spare my friend rang and said she'd managed to get two free tickets from a friend who knows the drummer - so off we went! Unfortunately my friend's kids were with their Dad, and A was too knackered to come after her busy weekend, but the two of us had a great time - they really are a fantastic band, such fun. Next time we will definately take the kids.

Today we went off to spend our prize book tokens (the picture still hasn't been in the local paper - hopefully next week). A bought a Fairy_Fashion book, and an Usbourne Pirate_things_to_make_and_do activity book, and I got Yevgeny Zamyatin's We . Should keep us busy for a wee while.

Holidays, and some deep pondering...

A couple of pictures of my artistic daughter's creations

Just had a great week with some visitors up from England, lovely people we don't see often enough, A had a wonderful time with these members of her extended family. This week we will check in with one or two of her 'school' friends and maybe have a sleepover with one of them.

I've been working on an essay for my OU course yesterday and today, focusing on gender and sexuality in primary schools - really interesting stuff. As always I relate it back to whats going on with A.

My first thoughts were along the lines of 'is this something she will miss out on because of not being at school?' The boyfriend/girlfriend scenario was already well established in her class at her old school, although A didn't seem particularly interested in it all. But is this something thats important as a part of growing up - a way of practicing and developing emotional relationships?

After reading through the research studies I'm using I feel that although this is seen as a normal part of school life, I'm not convinced that it is altogether healthy or positive. Some of the case studies - particularly of boys who don't fit into the macho, football playing type role - were very sad. It appears that in most cases there is a dominant homophobic and misogynistic theme in the development of 'real boys', no surprise really, but rather depressing, especially when (as in one study) it is more or less encouraged by a male teacher.

I can imagine the retort now of: 'thats the way kids are/life is/the world is, she needs to get used to it', but I don't accept that. I hope that in developing a definate sense of self through the wider world, rather than the 'classroom' she will develop a confident and secure sense of her own sexuality as she grows up.

The school social environment seems to be about creating boundaries and rules about what is 'right' and 'wrong', and divisions between kids who are 'in' or 'out', 'romantic' relationships are a big part of that hierarchy. I want to give my daughter some freedom from that. I know that she will come across it in groups she's involved in, and probably needs to so that she knows how to deal with it. She's actually fairly astute socially and I don't think she'd have any real problems, but I don't want her to be hemmed in by these rigid 'norms'.

Freedom!!

A had her final day at school on Wednesday, which went very smoothly - a few tears, lots of hugs, some beautiful 'goodbye' cards, and promises to keep in touch. There seemed to be quite a lot of children leaving the school, one other girl from A's class was going, which was good as it took all the focus off A, and gave her a kind of ally. There was an end of term festival for all the classes to perform in, and a ceremony to 'send off ' the top class, so it felt like a proper ending.
I had been very nervous about the whole thing, mainly because I wasn't sure how A would cope with it being her last day, but she coped beautifully (as usual). To be honest I don't think there's much I will miss about school, I'll keep in touch with the people I want to, but it will be a drastic change to our routine.

Yesterday A had a little beach party for her closest friends, the sun was shining and we managed to get the barbecue going eventually - with a little help from another group on an outing. The kids went swimming in the sea and generally had a great time.

So this is it - the end of school and the beginning of home education! Although it doesn't feel like it yet as we are going to have a proper summer holiday first. I still feel a bit ambivalent about it, there is a sense of relief in getting away from all the things I didn't like about the school (and there were quite a lot of elements I struggled with), but it was more of a 'community' than most schools, and there are good things about being part of a community. I suppose the bottom line is - A didn't want to leave, she was happy there, and if money wasn't an issue she would still be there. So although we are both very positive about home education, and I believe it could turn out to be the best thing for A, there is still that sense of it not being A's choice.