Thursday, 11 August 2011

Bleeeeuuuurgh!!!

Thats kind of where my head is at currently.

Took A down to Edinburgh on Monday and left her there. Thats all going swimmingly - apparently she is "havin a blast!" (according to her last text message). She was very nervous, and I felt quite emotional leaving her, but sort of knew she'd be fine.

I'm a bit all over the place really, enjoying having some space, but struggling with applying for jobs. Not having had a 'proper' job (ie the sort of job you formally apply for) for years, my sense of what I'm capable of and general self worth is very low. When it comes to selling yourself via a CV this is quite a bad thing. My initial reaction to any job description, even the really menial jobs, is 'I couldn't do that' or 'I wouldn't cope with that'. Clearly this needs to change.

My Mum has been encouraging me to go for a local job that I really don't believe I have the ability for. The hours and location are perfect, but I have no experience of the role and it would involve managing a team of voluteers. Hmmm, not exactly well known for my 'people skills'! Its not that I don't get on with people, but a lot of the time I just don't 'get' people - they puzzle me, and I think that might be a disadvantage.

My ideal job would be working completely alone. I remember in my first job when I was 19 - as a junior research technician - I used to get to do some photographic work for medical journals, so sometimes had whole days alone in the dark room. I loved that. My boss used to worry and say 'we can get someone else to do some of it to give you a break', but I was happy in there.
This is why I love my self employed work, its all done from home. Just a shame I don't make enough money from it!!!

Oh well, just have to keep on looking. I'm not sure whether I'll apply for the local job, but will get a CV and covering letter together today, and talk it over with my friend who I'm seeing later. I'm torn between throwing myself in and seeing what happens, or holding back and trusting my instinct that it wouldn't suit me. Mind you I have that instinctive feeling about most things, so wouldn't do anything at all if I trusted that all the time!

So after all that bleeuuurgh, here is a nice picture:



I should point out it is not of me. I have no idea how or why it got on to my computer, must have been something the girl was doing, but it gave me a happy feeling :-)


2 comments:

affectionforfitness said...

Hi K! You sound like me--a person who grossly underestimates herself. Our gut instincts about what we can and cannot do is *not* accurate at all! Remember that.

:-) Marion

K said...

Hi Marion :-)

Several people have said that to me (or something along those lines), and I know theoretically its absolutely true, but its so hard to keep hold of that truth when you get dragged down by self doubt. Something I need to keep working on I suppose!!

Kx