Saturday, 13 November 2010

Can we just slow things down a bit, please?

I feel like life is just speeding by at the moment, there is so much going on. I know its all about perception, nothing has actually changed really, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick. Probably just need to sort my head out. Not really sure how to go about that though, seems its an ongoing project.

So what have we been up to? All the usual for A: writing group; guitar lesson; drama; Guides. Oh and she's started going to an iceskating club night too - very enjoyable for her (a little less so for me, will copy my friend and take a hot water bottle next time!!). Looks like it might be a regular thing though, and its a cheap way for her to get a little bit of tuition.

A is off to the Remembrance parade with Guides tomorrow. She came home from meeting on Thursday with the news that she needed smart black trousers and smart black shoes for Sunday - of course she doesn't own such things!! - so we went off on a shopping trip yesterday. I ended up spending a fortune, as I've been promising for a while that we'll decorate A's bedroom. We now have purple paint (and various other purple accessories) so will be transforming her room into a purple palace any day now!

I've been enjoying my new Italian class - tutti bene!! Only had a couple of classes so far, but its a nice group, and I really like the teacher. I'll have to get over my embarressment and practice on A's Nonno, thing is, if I say a couple of words he replies - at length - and I get lost and get all flustered!!
It is weird being in a 'classroom' environment again. At school I absolutely hated language class (I did French and German, then dropped German, and did very badly in French). It had all my least favourite elements of school-type learning - being put on the spot, having to speak in front of everyone, feeling totally out of my depth most of the time. So I was very nervous going in to the first Italian class. I still feel that inner panic at certain moments, but there isn't the judgement I felt so deeply at school.

I have been brave and offered to take my turn and hold A's writing group at ours. I was really torn between feeling obligated to share the responsibility with the other parents, but also feeling my natural inclination to run a mile from anything involving 'group' activity. This is not laziness, I'm extremely introverted, and find groups very stressful and difficult. I've had to push myself on this, especially since we started HE, as I don't want A to miss out on social stuff because of me. Sometimes it works out well and I cope ok, other times I barely get through it and collapse in a heap when we get home. Anyway, what pushed me this time was A's brutally honest comment that "it looks bad if we don't have it at ours". And she's right. Although 'how we look to other people' isn't, and shouldn't be, the basis of our decisions about how we lead our lives, in this case it is important for A to feel equal with her peers. And what I found was, once I accepted 'this is something I'm going to do', I started to get all kinds of ideas about themes for the session. This is me in my element: planning and organising, structure. So at least I'll be prepared for the session! I'm 90% sure it will be fine, they are a great bunch of kids, and to be honest could probably run the group themselves, but even if I struggle a bit at least I've put myself forward and taken my turn.

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