She's baaaaack!!

She's been back for over a week actually, I just haven't got round to blogging.

We had a nice relaxed easter weekend. Staying on track with my new healthy living attitude I did not consume the usual amount of chocolate, I just had one Moo Free egg, and some Montezuma's mini eggs. A did alright for chocolate, but she didn't get an egg from me. I got her a laptop for Easter. Just slightly extravagent, and I'm still not sure that particular moment of online purchasing madness was a good idea, but needless to say she is delighted.
I have to confess a (big) element of self interest here though. I bought MY laptop ostensibly for work purposes, but since our old desktop has become increasingly less reliable, and since A seems to want to spend every waking moment on facebook (another dubious decision - letting her loose on facebook), I was being constantly hassled for use of the laptop.

I have signed A up for a new essay-writing course, which looks interesting. I think its pitched at just the right level for her, so we're both looking forward to seeing how that works out. We've not got back into maths since our easter break, in fact we've not done much of anything 'formal' - the weather has been far too good (you have to make the most of it when it happens up here!) but there have been lots of activities and trips. Today, after skating, she went off to the Spey Bay Wildlife Centre with friends and has just phoned to tell me they saw some dolphins.

I'm feeling very energised and really enjoying my gym visits (going about 3 times a week) and walks in the sunshine. It doesn't seem to have made much of an impact on my mental state though. In the early hours of this morning, for some reason, I became convinced someone was breaking into my house. I stood at the top of the stairs and was sure I could smell cigarettes (I don't smoke), so I took to wandering around the house with a hammer in my hand. Not sure how much use a hammer would be against an axe murderer, but I suppose its better than nothing.
I should point out that pacing the house like a guard dog in the middle of the night is not something I do on a regular basis. However, 12-3am does seem to be my alloted anxiety time, when all my worries and fears come out to play, and repeatedly punch me in the face. This is a pattern that has emerged over the last few years. I've tried different tactics to deal with it: reading; breathing techniques; visualisation; relaxation CDs - but nothing seems to work. It seems as though the anxieties are there, and have a need to express themselves.

A has decided she wants to watch 'the wedding' tomorrow, I'm not happy, I've been trying very hard to block it all out. She argues that it will be educational. Really?? I wont stop her watching it, but I think a session on the French Revolution is required soon.

Happy (belated) Halloween!!

I have had a sick computer :0(
I had to send it away to have some nasty stuff removed, but got it back today all cleared and protected.

We had a great Halloween, spent the day at a friend's party, tooks the kids guising, then my friend took her girls and A to a ceilidh (I couldn't face any more socialising, so stayed in with a DVD). We stayed over at our friends, and had a lazy Sunday - I left A there for the afternoon.


A's pumpkin:
a little bit of carving:

And you have a scary cat!

(the little one is mine)

Here are some wonderful ones we saw in a shop in York:

More squares

As you can see, I've been busy with more of my squares for the crafty_blog crochet challenge. Trying a few different styles now, but they never come out as neat as the pictures in the book!


A has been back on the BBC_Bitesize site, quite enjoying the maths and science, but got very frustrated and annoyed with the English games. She found it all very rigid/limiting, and I could totally see why, for example - with 'writing a story' she had to fill in the gaps with a choice of several different words/phrases to make up either a scary, romantic or spy story. However, if she didn't put in the 'correct' word or phrase a page came up telling her she had got it wrong. This is what upset A, as she thought her choices were valid, but its difficult to argue your point with a computer!
She then tried the 'Argument' section, and was dismayed to find that you just had to pick out a prewritten point of view and couldn't actually write your own. I tried to explain that its probably difficult to allow any real expression of opinions within these simple computer games, and we came to the conclusion that they are probably not the best way of working on English for A.

It was good to see her working on the 'problem solving' activity for maths, as it was all about shopping: working out what everything costs and giving the correct money. A has always been pretty good at maths in the 'real world', its just the idea of maths as a subject that gets her worried, so I pointed out how quickly she managed to work it out and therefore how good she is at 'maths', which she seemed to acknowledge.

A has also been learning some sign language with Granny, and helped her with this theme at the Quaker's childrens group.

Another idea A has been talking about a lot is designing and making clothes. She has done some of this before, and definately has her own quirky sense of style, so I'm thinking of pushing the practical side of this a bit more - finding some projects she can work on where she has to follow a pattern, borrowing Granny's sewing machine - just to help her develop her skills.

Went to the theatre on Friday night, we took my Mum (as her birthday present) to see the Reduced Shakespeare Company's THE_BIBLE:_THE_COMPLETE_WORD_OF_GOD_(abridged) which had us all crying with laughter. Bit of a scary moment when they started dragging people up on stage for some very humiliating participation (I was sitting on the end of a row very near the front) but they left me alone. I hate that - I think I would just refuse to move out of my seat, although then you risk even more piss-taking.
Unfortunately after a lovely evening out we came home to some sad news - an old friend and neighbour from London, who was a regular visitor up here, had died. He was quite elderly, well into his 80s, and it seems to have been quite a peaceful passing, so I guess it was just his time to go. Still sad though.

I've been giving myself a bit of a hard time recently, and had a mini meltdown on Sunday, when I misread something and got myself in a right old state. Its interesting how quickly I can go back to that 'beating myself up' mindset. I have a long history of depression, although have been pretty stable for the last five years (thanks largely - I believe - to cognitive behaviour therapy), but I spent many years believing that I was the most terrible person in the world. It seems that small things can sometimes feed back into that, and drag me down. The difference now is I manage to bring myself back from it quite quickly, and sometimes can even laugh at the ridiculousness of it. In the past it would have just set me off in a downward spiral that could last weeks or months.
I think I am very lucky to be where I am now, I'm sure I will always have those depressive tendencies but I feel strong enough to manage them now. How ever much of a hard time I give myself, life is good.

We love Mondays

I've noticed over the last few weeks that in the rhythm we seem to have developed Mondays are good. Its one day where we are almost always at home together all day, often after a hectic, social weekend. For me its like a sigh of relief - we don't have to rush about or be anywhere at a certain time, and the day just seems to flow. It always feels like we achieve quite a lot too, not in a planned or structured way, but in a spontaneous 'hey - look at this!' kind of way.

After her bath this morning A sneaked into bed with me where I was reading the Gatto book I mentioned in the last post. She asked me to read it aloud to her, so I read the remaining half of the chapter I was on, then asked her what she'd got from it. "Well, a lot of big words, but basically that at school they try to turn you into a robot". A pretty accurate description of what he'd been saying really!
After a walk down to the shops and back, we put up our Christmas decorations, as you can see:

Our festive mantelpiece - the snowball lights look huge here!

Lovely candles
Hanging angels (not as cruel as it looks!)

We did a bit of maths from the workbook, working on division and remainders at the moment, so we got the marbles out to help. I've been trying to find different ways to help A with her maths as she finds it very hard to work everything out in her head, and even with fairly simple stuff seems to lose track of where she's going with it. I've encouraged her to use lots of extra paper for her workings out, but the marbles seemed to appeal much more - not only was she sorting them into groups of 7 or 8 or whatever, she was also making sure the groups of marbles were all colour co-ordinated! It seemed to make it more interesting for her anyway.

We then decided to watch Einstein_and_Eddington, which I had videoed a few weeks back. I thought this might inspire some further scientific interest in A, and also be interesting to her as Eddington was a Quaker and a conscientious objector (A goes to Quaker meetings, and we had many discussions about COs when the subject came up around remembrance day). We both enjoyed the film, and it led on to some investigations about solar and lunar eclipses, which we are going to follow up with some experiments about gravity and angled light.

As we were already on the computer by this time - from googling stuff on eclipses - A went on to her games sites and found a hangman game (one of her favourite games for train journeys) which she played for a while. She then found a great geography game, which we both played for a while.

After that we made some pizzas for tea, and watched some rubbish TV for a little while, and then A went off to bed and spent some time making cards.

Strangeface

A few of us went to see a weird and wonderful play last night at the Universal_Hall in Findhorn. 'The Last Resort' by a company called Strangeface. The actors all used masks for the performance, and there were also puppets such as the fantastic devil below.
The masks were quite unnerving to begin with (have a look at the link for some examples), but were very effective. And an interesting storyline about human nature/failings, and redemption. We weren't sure before we went whether it was aimed at kids or adults, and I'm still not sure, but I think we all enjoyed it equally (our group ranged in age from 9 - 84).
After the show the audience were all invited to look around the set and play with the masks and puppets - a great idea, we had to drag the kids away in the end!


Its been a fairly quiet couple of weeks, colder weather has meant a lot more of this:

which is keeping us nice and cosy, in the front room anyway!

We've managed to get into a bit of a routine with some maths and English every day, not always workbooks, we decide day by day what we want to do, but focusing on those subjects.

Since we got back from our holiday A has shown much more interest in the computer (although not her blog! She is intending to blog again soon though, so she says...). I think this is a direct influence from her cousin, who gave her web addresses to some games sites. Consequently, I have become addicted to this bloody annoying game which is driving me mad! I have wasted far too much time on it lately. A is more drawn to the dress-up/make-up type games, although has tried a few others.

I'm kind of in two minds about this increased use of the computer, it was always very much frowned upon by her (Steiner) school, as they have a strong belief that TV and computer games are damaging to children. I felt it was a good idea to limit these things when A was younger, but the older she gets the more I feel she needs to decide things for herself. To be honest I would be very unhappy with her sitting at the computer for hours on end (not least because when I've done that with studying I end up with really bad headaches) but she doesn't seem to want to do that, at the moment anyway. I certainly think its good for her reading skills - she's still not too interested in reading books - as she is reading a lot of instructions for different games.

We've also been on a home ed group outing to Smarty_Art in Grantown, where we painted some pottery. Afterwards we came home and watched Chaplin's The_Great_Dictator, I'd forgotten how much I love this film - we both laughed a lot, and A also learnt a bit about WW2 through discussions about the film.

A has mentioned that she's missing her school friends, I think the long holiday without seeing them, and then a cancelled sleepover she had really been looking forward to have brought it home a bit. She did see all her old classmates at a birthday party last week, and on one level she had a great time seeing them all, but on another it highlights how they are still a group and she is now an outsider. Its difficult as there's nothing I can do really, but she doesn't seem too upset, and is still enjoying HE and insisting she doesn't want to go to the local school.