Car boot finds, Spooky Men, interviews....

Hey, look what I found at a car boot sale last Sunday:

yes - this is the type of find that excites me :D

And I know they are only piddly little ones, but they are enough for me, for now. A much better way to incorporate weights into my circuits than tins of beans/bottles of water. Although it has to be said this week has been a bit lax in terms of exercise, for various reasons. Such is life - I will be back on it next week!

Monday night was a very good night - we went to see The Spooky Men's Chorale, haven't laughed so much in ages. Lots of big men, some with big beards, singing Georgian choral inspired songs with titles such as "Don't stand between a man and his tool". Fantastic voices, and so, so funny. If you ever get the chance - GO AND SEE THEM!!!

Laughter was just what I needed as I had the interview looming on Tuesday morning. I get very nervous about interviews, and had been carrying around this feeling of dread all week before it. It actually went very well, as far as I could tell. I'm hopeful, but trying not to bank on getting it - there were 3 other candidates. I've learnt from my experience with the supermarket, where they were taking on loads of staff and I was sure I would get something...nope.

It would suit me quite well though, its afternoons so I would be at home in the mornings for A (although not when she gets home from school), and it would mostly be driving around in a little red van delivering parcels. Its just a matter of waiting to hear now, the interviewer did say it can take a while for the decision to be made.

After the interview I had some news about our holiday - unfortunately we will have to cut it short :-( Due to circumstances beyond my control we cant have our second week over near Venice. I'm gutted, and considerably out of pocket with having to change flights etc, but its not something any of us could have foreseen, so I'm just trying to focus on us having a brilliant time with A's Nonno and Nonna in La Spezia and Pisa for the first week.

As for school, all is well :-) A is managing the early mornings remarkably well, and seems to be enjoying all aspects of school life. She did have to have a maths test, which she was quite worried about. Maths is the only subject that is streamed straight away, and A had been put into the bottom group to start with as they had no primary school record to judge her on - hence the test. She came home after the test saying that she didn't think she had answered anything right, and was resigned (and actually fairly content) to staying in the bottom group. I wasn't sure what to think, I know she has far more ability than she realises, but I also know how panicky she gets about tests, and thought she might have done really badly through sheer terror! The following day she announced she'd been moved up to the middle group. I hope this gives her a bit of a boost and makes her realise that she's not "rubbish" (her words, not mine!) at maths.

School!

So here is the 'child in school uniform' photo, along with her very cool Boosh school bag. I couldn't persuade her to stand to attention, so lounging on the couch will have to do.

And we now have a drawer marked 'school stuff'
how bizarre.

A seems to have taken to school extremely well, and is clearly enjoying the social side of it! I suppose its a bit early to say too much, but it really feels right for her. I've had a few pangs of sadness here at home thinking about the sort of things we'd be doing if we were still HEing, but mostly I've just felt happy at her obvious happiness. I'm so glad she was able to make that decision so clearly and confidently.

A's week in Edinburgh at the drama course was a fantastic success, she got so much out of it. The end of week performance for parents was just incredible, I was seriously impressed (and I've seen a fair few performances over the years with A's love of drama), and very very proud :-)

She was totally exhausted afterwards, as their working days had been 9am to 9pm, but she soon recovered and is adamant she's going back next year. I've told her we'll need to start saving now!

I had some good news yesterday - I have an interview next week for the postwoman job. Thats my cue to go into panic mode of course, but its good to know that there's at least a possibility of work ahead.

I went out for a little run yesterday. Yay! First time in weeks. I just took things very gently, didn't time myself, didn't even make a decision on how far I'd go. I went with the attitude 'I'll see how it goes'. It actually went very well, not in terms of speed and distance, but I felt pretty good, aaaand...my shins feel ok - double yay!! I'd better not get too excited, we'll see how it goes next time...

Bleeeeuuuurgh!!!

Thats kind of where my head is at currently.

Took A down to Edinburgh on Monday and left her there. Thats all going swimmingly - apparently she is "havin a blast!" (according to her last text message). She was very nervous, and I felt quite emotional leaving her, but sort of knew she'd be fine.

I'm a bit all over the place really, enjoying having some space, but struggling with applying for jobs. Not having had a 'proper' job (ie the sort of job you formally apply for) for years, my sense of what I'm capable of and general self worth is very low. When it comes to selling yourself via a CV this is quite a bad thing. My initial reaction to any job description, even the really menial jobs, is 'I couldn't do that' or 'I wouldn't cope with that'. Clearly this needs to change.

My Mum has been encouraging me to go for a local job that I really don't believe I have the ability for. The hours and location are perfect, but I have no experience of the role and it would involve managing a team of voluteers. Hmmm, not exactly well known for my 'people skills'! Its not that I don't get on with people, but a lot of the time I just don't 'get' people - they puzzle me, and I think that might be a disadvantage.

My ideal job would be working completely alone. I remember in my first job when I was 19 - as a junior research technician - I used to get to do some photographic work for medical journals, so sometimes had whole days alone in the dark room. I loved that. My boss used to worry and say 'we can get someone else to do some of it to give you a break', but I was happy in there.
This is why I love my self employed work, its all done from home. Just a shame I don't make enough money from it!!!

Oh well, just have to keep on looking. I'm not sure whether I'll apply for the local job, but will get a CV and covering letter together today, and talk it over with my friend who I'm seeing later. I'm torn between throwing myself in and seeing what happens, or holding back and trusting my instinct that it wouldn't suit me. Mind you I have that instinctive feeling about most things, so wouldn't do anything at all if I trusted that all the time!

So after all that bleeuuurgh, here is a nice picture:

I should point out it is not of me. I have no idea how or why it got on to my computer, must have been something the girl was doing, but it gave me a happy feeling :-)

Progress

I'm in the process of changing a few things on this blog, to reflect the changes going on around here. Hence the new profile description and blog header pic. Hope you like the new look :-)

I think I'm over my little strop about running now. Still haven't been back out, but I will, and it will be sloooow and frustrating building back up, but I will deal with it.
I have managed to get back to the gym a couple of times, and have been slowly increasing the repeats with my circuits (which I do at home most mornings). And looking in the mirror a few days ago I noticed something - my body is definitely changing. I've lost over half a stone in the last couple of months, and I now have - gasp! - a tiny bit of muscular definition on my midriff. I'm liking this. Who cares if I'm the only one likely to see it - these are real results.

What I want to focus on now is upper body strength. I'm still doing girly, poncey box press-ups and that pisses me off. And my arms could do with being a bit more toned. I'd like to get myself some weights to use at home, so am on the lookout for some cheap second hand ones.

On the job front: I got a 'no' from the supermarket. I could have got quite down about this, as I really thought I had a good chance, but after a few minutes of thinking "Waaah!! Why don't they want me??" I decided that was pointless and it has to be a positive thing. Maybe I would have hated it, maybe something better lies ahead, who knows. At least I'm not still waiting for an answer.

My brother and his family are up here on holiday just now, so we're spending lots of time with them: bowling; skating; barbequeing; and generally hanging out :-)

Next Monday we'll be heading for Edinburgh, where I will be leaving A for her week-long drama course. I think we're both a bit nervous about this, but I have a feeling it will be - as A would say - 'epic'.

Lazy Summer

We waved off E last Friday, and had a nice time catching up with some other friends, but have been having a very lazy time generally.
I still feel a bit caught in that static state where I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything apart from the basic stuff: exercise; cooking; cleaning. Its all pretty mindless though, and I've been unable to focus on any writing. I did, however, apply for another job - postwoman - so we'll see if anything comes of that.

I've been here before and I know I just need to force myself out of it. Once I make myself get into a new, healthier rhythm I'll feel much better. A will be going down to Edinburgh for a week soon, for her drama skills course, and I think having that week on my own will push me into changing things.

Risotto

I do find cooking nutritious food really therapeutic, even if its not always appreciated by my daughter, who would rather eat chips :-/

Disappearing girls, and the sorry shin saga continues...

A's friend 'E' arrived on Friday :-)
We met her at the train station, then I took the two girls, along with another of A's friends to see the new Harry Potter film, which we all enjoyed.

This is the cake A made as a welcome for E

The girls seem to be having a great time, and as the week goes on I'm seeing less and less of them. The weather was good for a couple of days, so off they went on the bikes down to the beach, or the park. Its not so nice now, but they still seem keen to get out of the house. They reappear every so often for an outfit change (!) then they're off again. I'm really pleased, particularly that they're not spending much time on the computer. I do feel a bit redundant though!

These two have known each other since they were 4, but haven't seen much of each other since E moved away a few years back - its so lovely to see that their friendship has remained strong despite the time and distance apart. Its also interesting to see them together as almost-teens, all my memories of them together (and they used to spend LOTS of time together, as E's Mum is a great friend of mine) are of little girls playing. They don't 'play' any more. They both seem much older than they are, although there is the odd hint of the little girls they used to be :-)

This is the state of the bedroom at the moment

I have been trying to use the time and space they have given me to do something constructive, ie some clearing out. Yesterday I decided to start on the HE 'stuff' - all the 'evidence' I've kept of A's education, waiting for the day when someone wants to check up on us. Tempting as it was to chuck the lot, there are far too many wonderful memories amongst it all, so I went through it all and filed a lot of it away to keep. Quite an emotional afternoon!

Some of the treasures I found:

• lots of amazing art work - I have a whole box of sketches and paintings




• sheets and sheets of maths work - many with "I hate maths" scrawled somewhere on the page!




• a flow chart entitled 'Why its not my fault' - I want to frame this, such a brilliant example of A's creative logic




• the script of a comedy sketch we wrote together - brought back memories of trying to record it, we had to do loads of takes as we were laughing so much




• many poems and stories - some about herself and her early childhood which were quite sad, amazing insight into very complicated adult situations




• A's hilarious approach to writing up science experiments




• several home-made magazines, focusing on popular culture/fashion/make-up (or rather "mack-up")

I'm so aware that a lot of the child-like aspects of A's character are disappearing now, or transforming, and I feel going to school will just push her that bit further down that road. They are all struggling so hard to be more grown up. Its inevitable, and in some ways very positive as she's becoming a lovely young woman rather than a lovely child (not biased at all ;-)) but for a parent it does evoke mournful feelings too.

So, shins.
Went for my second excruciating session with the sports physio today. She thinks I might benefit from special insoles for my trainers, apparently I may have a slight pronation that wasn't picked up when I went for my shoe fitting. I'm feeling more and more despondent about the whole thing. Its costing me money and causing me pain. I went for a very gentle, very short run this morning, and while my shins weren't too bad I feel like I'm back to square one with my fitness level and stamina. I just ran round a field a couple of times (alternate run-walking) and I felt like I was going to die. Is it worth it I am asking myself?! Somewhere in my memory is that great feeling I got from a good run when I felt I was progressing, I need to find that.

Still waiting...

No news yet about the job, and its doing my head in slightly. I'm finding it very hard to focus on other things and am trying not to plan too much in case I get called in for the induction days.

So, what have I managed to get done?

The dreaded tax return

Harvesting of blackcurrants

(they are now waiting in the freezer to be transformed into blackcurrant vodka!)

Creation of 'chubby bunny'

(a present for a nearly due baby)

I also managed an outing to the pub (hooray!) while A was on a sleepover on Friday night.

Other than that we seem to have been meandering along doing very little, a bit of maths to keep on top of things for A, but lots of late nights and late mornings. A is loving it and keeps reminding me that this is her summer holiday because she is now a 'school kid'. I'm feeling a bit weird about it. I don't like the feeling of not achieving anything, that constant feeling of 'I should be doing something...' I don't seem able to move ahead until I know about the job.

At the end of this week we have a visitor arriving - A's friend from Glespin is coming to stay for a week - unbelievable excitedness from both girls :-) I think they have been planning and scheming on facebook - I wonder what I'm in for!!