WORK

Seeing as my daughter has gone AWOL down to Southampton with her Granny, leaving me to slave over a hot computer, I thought I would write a bit about how thats going.

So, its coming up to 18 months since I went self employed. I hadn't realised that until I just worked it out, it still feels all new. There are lots of things I love about it:

• I love that it can fit in with HE - for example I get loads of bits and pieces done in the car waiting for A to have her guitar lesson, just scribbling away in a notebook.


• I love the flexibility it affords - working til 2 in the morning if I choose, then having a lie in and spending the day with A.


• Being an unsociable git, I love that I can work away all alone, and when I do need to interact with people its mainly done by email.


• I love having control over what I do.


• I love that I don't have to answer to a manager

The one thing I don't love is the lack of money coming in at the moment!!

I have a website now, although it still needs some work, and I need to put all my energies into promoting my services.

All the stuff in the news about 'Universal Credit' and how it will affect the self employed has scared me a bit (they seem to be saying self employed people should be making at least the equivalent of minimum wage for the hours they are doing - not sure over what period this would be assessed, but I'm certainly not there yet!!). I rely very much on my Working Tax Credits, and also on some Housing Benefit for my rent, so if I cant make this work and build up a bigger client base I will have to rethink the whole thing.

There's a big supermarket due to open in my town later this year, I'm already thinking about trying to get some hours there...so that will be back to working with loads of people, for a manager, within a huge corporation - hmmmm. It would also probably mean leaving A on her own a lot more, which I'm not too happy about. She's at an age now where she's a bit too old for childminders/babysitters (even if I could find one for during school hours!), but I still don't feel comfortable about leaving her alone for too long.

I think for now I will just focus on making the self employment work, and try not to think too much about having to go back to the hell of a job I hate! And despite all the stress of money worries, I am acutely aware of the fact that compared to the vast majority of people on this planet I am very, very wealthy. Need to keep reminding myself of that.

I really do need to get hold of a new camera - this blog is looking very boring without any pics!

Maths exams, and the second law of thermodynamics

A seemed to have a good time at the sleepover party. She arrived home on Sunday at about 1pm, shuffled upstairs, collapsed on her bed and fell asleep for a couple of hours. Indication of a good party in anyone's terms.

We had a bit of a lazy start to the week, with both of us struggling to feel motivated about anything. But things improved as the week went on.

With maths, A has now reached the end of her online course, and has 10 exams to do (these are each one page of varied questions covering what she's learnt throughout the course). She was less than enthusiastic about sitting 'exams'(!) but I'm hoping they will show her how well she's actually doing with maths. Usually I sit with her so that we can discuss any problems as they come up and look at different ways of working things out. She seems to need this - her confidence in her own ability in maths is so low, I think it reassures her to know she can check things with me. I suggested with these exams that I leave her to it, and she does as much as she can on her own, then I'll come through and we can talk about any she's had difficulty with. She completed the first one on Friday, getting 29 out of 30, and needing no help whatsoever.
I don't think its registered with her how good this is - she focused in on the one error (which was just a careless extra nought, rather than a mistake in calculation), and then started wondering "do they make the first exam really easy, then gradually make them harder?" (which they don't). So, basically not acknowledging that "I did really well"!!!
Its like banging my head against a brick wall sometimes - she seems to be clinging on to this notion that she's really crap at maths (which she clearly isn't!) I guess all I can do is keep finding ways to show her that she isn't.

On Friday we watched the first programme in the Wonders of the Universe series that I've been recording. We both learnt lots, mainly about entropy. I did physics GCSE at school, and it was never as cool and interesting as Prof Brian Cox makes it - maybe if he'd been my teacher I would have actually passed!

This afternoon A is off to a Guide patrol get-together, where they will be cooking pasta together. Apparently they get a badge for boiling pasta - A was as bemused as me at this. Still, I'm sure they'll have a laugh, which is what its all about really :-)

Whoooosh....another week gone!

Well, week and a half since my last post actually :-/

So, first the sad news: A's remaining guinea pig - Fred - had to be put down. Apparently he had a rather large tumour, and at six and a half was getting on a bit. He is now buried next to his brother - Ginger - in granny's garden.

RIP Freddie

On the HE front, things have been going very smoothly :-)

American history has been quite a theme for the last few weeks. We're still working our way through this book, currently looking at the American Revolution. We're also getting towards the end of To Kill A Mockingbird (which we seem to have taken ages to read) and I have the film version and a documentary about the book recorded and ready to watch. All providing much material for some very interesting discussions!

A has also developed an interest in manga graphic novels, which she has been devouring, and doing her own manga-style sketches too. We recently got questioned - with a look of suspicion - on whether the graphic novel we were getting out of the library on my home educator's card was "for studying purposes?" which I thought was a bit weird. How can a book not be educational?
I really appreciate the fact that we get a HE card - I think its great that the library recognise us in this way - but it seems a little strange that they now want to put restrictions on what is and isn't suitable "for studying purposes". Anyway, I smiled and replied "yes", and we got the book.

On the work front, I feel like I'm putting loads of time and effort in, but there seems to be very little to show for it. Yet! Hopefully this groundwork and gathering of info/updating of skills will pay off in the not too distant future.
What I'm planning to do is get more research/admin type work coming in, so have been on some workshops and signed up for a couple of courses to help me on my way with this.
What I urgently need to do is set up a website. I've been procrastinating on this for ages - I know its essential, and apparently quite easy to do, but (typically for me) I became a bit obsessed about 'getting it right'. I looked at loads of different sources for advice and got thoroughly confused about the best approach to take. So, for fear of getting it wrong and appearing unprofessional, I did nothing.
Thankfully I think I've found exactly the guidance I need through business gateway who offer lots of free resources for the self employed (including workshops on website building), so at last I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

A is off to a sleepover party tonight, so I will have the house to myself. After being forced to watch the comic relief stuff until 1am this morning, it will be lovely to have control of the TV. I'm planning a night of watching horror films in the dark, to see how terrified I can make myself. Such fun.

Mostly science and music (with a bit of crafting on the side)

We headed off to the science festival at a local college last week, with our HE group. This is the third year we've been and its always well worth it. This year we learnt about 'busy bees', 'frenzied food chains', 'flaming fires', and 'Hetty's human organ chaos' (love that last one!).
This is the second time I've been the contact/organiser for our group, and it all went pretty smoothly. It always worries me as I never think I'm up to the job! But I'm actually ok with this kind of behind the scenes emailing and organising - just don't ask me to present anything or work with groups in person!
The kids were great, we had to split into two groups as there were too many of us for one, and our group ended up being all girls, but a range of ages (between 6 and 13). Most of them joined in and contributed enthusiatically, there are some very bright kids in our HE group and I think the workshop leaders were pleased with the keen responses (although A did point out that one guy appeared to be terrified!!)

A was very quiet, partly I think because she feels she's a bit old for this particular festival (its aimed at the 9-11 age group) but she did enjoy it. Also - its easy to hold back if others are really happy to answer and ask questions, I was like that myself (and still am). I felt a bit uncomfortable seeing that bit of myself in A, as I know for me it comes mainly from a lack of confidence and being easily intimidated - thinking others are much more intelligent than me. I certainly think A has much more confidence than I ever did, but I have noticed her putting herself down a bit regarding intelligence, which really upsets me. She's not drawn to the obviously academic subjects, but - of course - that doesn't mean she's not intelligent, I hope I'm able to get that message across to her.


Saturday we had a wonderfully lazy day, doing crafty stuff on the couch with the music TV channel on. The music videos brought up some interesting discussions, as I became more and more fed up with the endless procession of malnourished girls poncing about in their pants, surrounded by S&M imagery. Thank goodness for Adele, looking beautiful and dignified singing 'Someone Like You'.
There are some exceptions - cynical as I am, Katy Perry's 'Firework' video always makes me want to cry. And there's that weird tennis match video for 'Hello' which made us laugh. But generally, although I enjoy a lot of the music, watching music TV leaves me feeling quite depressed, and concerned for my daughter.

A gets weary with me periodically checking "you do know this is bullshit, don't you???" and we've had plenty of discussions around the issues - how the media manipulates, body image, the connotations of some of the violent lyrics and images - all this and more! She seems pretty sussed about it all, but its hard not to worry. It seeps in. I just hope A can keep her head straight and see it for what it is, after all, we cant hide from it, its about finding a healthy way to navigate around it all.

I have no camera!!

Oh no!!! I managed to break it :-(
It was starting to fall apart anyway - the battery pod wouldn't close so I had to tape it shut - but the other day I took the batteries out and something broke off. It was obviously something important as it will no longer work at all. So until I can afford a new one, there will be very few pictures with my posts (might be able to get some with A's iPod, if she lets me).

I've been feeling a real lack of inspiration where blogging is concerned. Not because nothing is happening, we've been busy as ever and enjoying life. I'm not sure why actually, I suppose I always feel I should have something new and exciting to say, or some new angle on old stuff, but at times life is just a bit...'samey'.
I guess its all part of the ebb and flow, it happens with our HE journey - there are times when things feel a bit stale and we plod along, then invariably something will shake us up and it all gets a bit more interesting again. Lets hope that I get back into my flow sometime soon!!

A's audition that I mentioned in my last post went very well, we wont hear anything until next month, but she really enjoyed the experience, and I'm very proud of her - there's no way I would have the confidence to go to an audition like that.

There's been a happy development in our HE world - one of A's old school friends has made the move into home education. So the girls have been able to spend much more time together :D Although I don't think A is lacking in social connections, it is great to have another HE friend so close by.

Garbage in the car

That's what we were listening to the other day - Garbage and Version 2.0 - hadn't listened to these for ages, years probably, but thought A might like them. She gave them an 8 out of 10. She seems to be enjoying more guitar based music now she's learning to play.

Skating is going really well, she's enjoying the social side as well as learning new skills. A bought her own skates on Friday:


Life is busy as ever, hence the two week gap in blog posts!! We are both enjoying the pace though, I certainly feel like I'm benefitting from the increase in physical activity.
We've also found time to get out for walks on our beach in the sunshine :-)

I've found another online maths curriculum that looks promising, A has nearly finished the one she's been using for the past year, and the new one looks more in line with the level she's at now, so we'll probably give it a go soon.

This coming week we'll have a bit of breathing space as most of the clubs are not on due to school holidays. But A does have one exciting activity on Tuesday - an audition with Youth Music Theatre. We heard about it through our HE group email list, and A was dead keen for me to book her a place. I think it will be a great experience for her.

And here is a photo of the fabulous pink hair!!!!

Hecticness

I don't know if that is even a real word, but it sums up life round here lately!

There were more celebrations for A, and of course - more cake:

All went extremely well, the sleepover was very chilled, and it was nice that I had a friend here to hang out with too. The only annoying bit was the ice-rink inexplicably closing an hour early, so the girls only got about 20 minutes on the ice, but even that didn't seem to bother them too much (it bothered me - I had paid for them all!!)

It was great for both me and A to reconnect with our friends who came up from Glespin, we don't see them very often but they are important people to us. They ended up staying until Monday because of car problems, so we got them for an extra day :-)

Then, it was my birthday! A much quieter affair for me, we were booked to go to the ballet with the HE group on the actual day, so that worked out well. It was Cinderella, which we hadn't seen before, the set and costumes were pretty wild! At the pre-show talk we went to there was mention of influences from Andy Warhol and Vivienne Westwood, all very colourful and glamorous.

We seem to be doing loads of activities at the moment - A has started a new drama class at the big theatre in Inverness (as well as still going to the local one), and is keeping up with Guides, writing group, ice skating and guitar lessons. While I am continuing with Italian class and pilates, and have taken up Bhangra dancing and boxercise! Its all very exhausting, but in a good way ;-)

Our new HE schedule kind of went by the wayside for about a week, while all the celebrations were going on/being prepared for, but we are back on track with it all now. Granny has been away so A has had to put up with me ignoring her on my work days, which has been fine really. I give her an idea of what I'd like her to work on for the day (mostly stuff she has already chosen as areas of interest) and she gets on with it.

We found this fabulous book - well actually the librarian found it for us and ordered it in - as A had said she wanted to look at the different states in America. The book is so good we have decided to just work through it, covering American history/geography/politics/culture. We've also been playing this game to try and learn where the states are.

Something else we're quite taken with is the Brian Cox series 'Wonders of the Solar System', I had recorded this when it was on TV last year and we've just got around to watching it. Brilliant programme, we are big fans!