Educational Escapades

Hello & Goodbye

2011-12-08T11:47:00.000-08:00

So yes, I am still alive :-)

I've been putting this 'final post' off for ages, as it feels a bit sad, but I think the time has come.

I did think I would carry on blogging here as EE had become so much a part of life for me, I thought it would just evolve along with the changes in our lifestyle. But its not really working like that.

Our lives have changed so completely over the last 6 months or so, and things are going really, really well for both of us. I've mentioned before about how A isn't so comfortable with me writing so much about her now, and I would always respect that. Something I hadn't foreseen is the way I feel less comfortable about writing about the more personal stuff going on in my world now too. There's some very exciting prospects ahead, but this doesn't feel like the right arena to share it in. Sorry to be so obscure!

So this is just a last 'ta ta' to anyone still checking in here - I'm going to leave the blog open as the old HE stuff may be of interest to someone who comes across it via the blogrings etc - but I wont be posting any more.

So cheers m'dears - its been lovely ;-)
Kx

Self indulgent insomniac ramblings

2011-10-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

I went to bed before 11. Its now ten to 1, and as I'm no closer to sleep than I was an hour ago, in fact I feel more awake if anything, I thought I'd scribble some notes for a blog post.

So what's going on in my head at this hour? I have to admit that just now its mostly work-related. Not surprising I suppose, as its all still fairly new, but this new (part-time!!) job does seem to have taken over my entire life. I'm assuming the work-life balance bit will level out soon?

These past 4 weeks have been extremely stressful. Not necessarily in a bad way - I'm sure its the same for most people going into a new work environment. I just want so much for the newbie stage to be over. I still feel slightly nervous every time I go in, and I'm a bit sick of that.

Its true - I do 'worry too much', as I've often been told throughout my life. According to some I also 'think too much' (?) So what, exactly, am I worrying about:
Am I up to the job?
Am I going to get something spectacularly and ridiculously wrong?
Do my colleagues like me?
And seemingly the biggest one:
Do they think I'm stupid?

This last one is a concern that plagues me in most situations. I know I'm not stupid, but I'm acutely aware that I'm really not very articulate, verbally anyway. And I think that I can easily come across as a bit thick because of my lack of repartee.
I wish this didn't bother me so much, and that I could say "I don't care what people think of me!" and mean it - but it does matter to me, especially when its people I'm dealing with on a daily basis.

I have literally no idea what other people make of me, I find it very difficult to read people in that way. All I have to go on is my own self image, which is not very healthy or kind, so thats a bit depressing.
At work I've been making a huge effort to be more friendly and smile more, but then I wonder if I just look like a big grinning idiot!?
Sometimes I long to know how others see me, but what if its even worse than I imagine? maybe I'm better off in ignorance.
I could drive myself mad with all this stuff.

So. I have developed a plan of action (of sorts). I have made the decision to go ahead and join the local gym. I think I can just about afford that luxury for myself. And I will seriously throw myself back into a proper training regime. I would love to get back to some running too, but will see how it goes on the treadmill for a while, taking it very slowly. I still don't trust these shins.
I know I feel better about myself when I feel fitter and stronger. Also, I'll be better equipped to beat up anyone who says I'm stupid.

The Postman Lady

2011-10-15T13:37:00.001-07:00

I was delivering a parcel the other day - a small child answered the door then shouted: "Mum, its the postman lady!"

I quite like that title :-)

The job is still going very well. I finally had the driving assessment (the first one was cancelled) - very nerve-wracking! But the assessor said I was safe to drive, which is just as well because thats the main part of the job. I have to say, hearing the list of all the things I did wrong did knock my confidence a bit, and I was feeling quite nervous about driving the van the next day. But its probably good to be aware of things I need to address.
I'm definitely liking working in a male dominated environment ;-) There's quite a good-natured vibe about the place, with a fair bit of piss-taking and wind ups. I'm sure it will take me a while to suss it all out and navigate the workplace politics, but for the moment I'm just enjoying the uncomplicated blokeyness of it all.

I'm still struggling a little with getting into the new work routine, especially with A being on school holiday. She's been off here, there and everywhere with various friends. She has been very good about keeping in touch, being home on time and doing bits of housework I've asked her to do. She's really showing how mature she's become, and has been very supportive to her working Mum.

I feel I'm going to be writing less and less about A. There's plenty going on with her (mostly good, some slightly worrying - from a protective Mum point of view!) but it just doesn't seem right to be writing about her so much any more. I've always checked with her that she's ok with what I'm writing, but even that seems like a bit of an intrusion these days.
I've had to really consciously 'let go' in lots of ways over the last few months. One of the hard things about being a single parent is not being able to discuss and debate changes - how much more freedom do I give her? I suppose none of us really know if we're getting it right. I'm thankful for the fact that we still get on well, still laugh together, and she still tells me stuff. I am hugely proud of her, did I ever mention that?

So, with A more than ever off doing her own thing, its made me think about all the new freedom I now have. What could I get up to? Climb more mountains...write a novel...get a boyfriend...learn to surf...
More suggestions anyone??

Back on the (health) wagon

2011-10-03T14:26:00.001-07:00

Right.
I was lying on the sofa yesterday feeling a bit like a whale, and decided "enough of this nonsense". I haven't actually put on any weight, but my body just feels different: lazy and sluggish. I've got into that cycle of eating junk - craving junk - eating more junk. Its ridiculous because I know a fair bit about nutrition and health, I have no excuses.

So - a new start!
I have been meal planning :-) I had intended to start doing this a while back and never got around to it. The hours of my new job have forced the issue somewhat - getting home at 6.30pm means I don't have a lot of time to cook, so I need to prepare meals in advance. Planning the week's dinners on a Sunday, including when to cook them, makes it all feel much more organised and less stressful. I'm hoping it will work out more economical too as I'll just do one shop for the week.
I made a huge pan of lentil hotpot today - one evening meal for both of us (with rice), plus 3 lunches for me, and possibly a couple of portions for the freezer. I'm also going to make a big veggie lasagne for later in the week, most of which I can freeze in portions. There's one night a week when A goes out to Guides at 7pm, so she'll have to do her own dinner, it will be good to have some nutritious meals in the freezer that she can just bung in the oven. She is capable of cooking herself something reasonable, but what with homework and her social life, she might not manage it every week!

I've also been looking for local fitness classes, as getting to the gym and classes I used to do just doesn't work with my new schedule. So far I've found a kettlercise class one morning a week (I'm not entirely sure what kettlercise is - apparently it doesn't involve making cups of tea, which is a shame). And I'm thinking about joining the local sports club. I always thought it was too expensive, but it probably works out just as much to do what I was previously doing - travelling to a 'pay as you use' gym. It just felt cheaper as it was a little at a time.

The new job is going very well, I think I'm going to like being a postie :-)
There are two parts to the job - delivering parcels, then collection from the post boxes. The guys have all been very helpful (I am the only girl postie) although I haven't met that many of them as most have finished by the time I start. I have the driving assessment tomorrow, which I'm slightly nervous about as I'm not used to driving a van, but hopefully I'll do ok.

In other news - I made some chutney!!

It needs to mature for about a month, so I've no idea if its any good - I'll let you know.

Pink Drink

2011-09-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

I finally got round to starting my blackcurrant vodka - pretty eh? I just need to remember to shake it every day. It will be a little Christmas treat, eventually :-)

There have been sleepovers here the last two weekends - two of A's mates from school stayed last weekend and a different one this weekend. There was also an ice-skating disco on Friday. So the social whirl that is A's life continues. I wont pretend I can keep up with it all. She's off out again today, but she was very good about fitting in her homework once her friend left yesterday :-)

So where are we with my exercise regime??? I have to admit that for the last couple of weeks I have been utterly slothful. Also, fairly gluttonous. And probably guilty of all the other deadly sins somewhere along the way.
I really don't know where my motivation has gone. I know that I felt better when I was exercising, and I enjoyed it, but somehow all I want to do at the moment is lie around eating crisps. And the longer this goes on the harder it is to start again. It would be so much easier if I could afford a big scary personal trainer to come round and shout at me every morning. But I cant, so I'll have to find another way of getting back on track.

I had a meeting with my new manager on Friday, along with another new starter (this is good - I will know someone at the induction on Tuesday!). All seems very positive, and I'm cautiously looking forward to starting work next Wednesday. Actually, I'm feeling really excited about it, as well as slightly terrified. Meeting new workmates is always scary (I'm assuming thats not just me?) but I'll be spending a fair amount of time out and about on my own - once I've done enough training - so not too much time trapped with colleagues! The fact that its a mainly male work environment makes it easier too, not sure why that should be? I suppose I have this notion that blokes don't expect you to share quite as much about yourself as women do, I may be wrong.
Anyway, I will post again once I've started and tell all!!

The Non-Holiday

2011-09-14T02:30:00.001-07:00

This is not a happy post.

The trip to Italy, it appears, was doomed. First we had to suddenly cancel the second week we had planned. Then - the day before we left - I injured my back, so the 3 and a half hours on a coach down to Edinburgh were not too much fun. Then, just as we'd checked in at the Travel Lodge for a good nights rest before the early morning flight to Pisa, Nonno received a text telling us our flight had been cancelled and we should look at the website. A general strike had been announced in Italy, and this included baggage handlers at Pisa airport.
After much confusion and a trip to the airport to try and speak to someone from Ryanair (HA!) we discovered (from the website) that all flights to Pisa for the next few days were fully booked, so the option we were given to 're-book on the next available flight' was pretty useless.
So the next day, feeling a bit shell-shocked, we got back on the Inverness bus and came home :-(

A was keen to get straight back to school, so she ended up only missing 2 days. She's been kept busy with school-life and friends, which is good. I, however, have been alternately moping about feeling sorry for myself, and trying to force myself to do 'fun things' to take my mind off the fact that I SHOULD BE IN ITALY!!! I wont even go into the stress I've experienced dealing with airlines and insurance companies - trying to claim a little back of the huge amount of money I've lost on this non-holiday. And breathe...

I did receive this through the post though:

a wonderfully thoughtful gift of commiseration from a lovely friend. It certainly made me smile :-)

Postwoman K

2011-09-02T00:26:00.001-07:00

This will be me in a few weeks time:

Minus the cat, I hope (I'm allergic).

Yes - I got the job!!!! Just got to wait for all the police checks etc to go through, then I will get my starting date :D
I'm so happy and relieved about this, I cant believe I've managed to get a job (and one that I want!) so quickly. I'm also really pleased I didn't get the supermarket job now - the postie one is much better money, and a definite shift pattern (I've heard that the supermarket are pressuring people to take on lots of extra hours). And with A settling in to school life so well, the pessimist that I am keeps questioning - surely it cant be this easy?? 3 months ago we were quite happily plodding along with our HE life, I had an awareness that I needed to get more money coming in and was struggling to work out how to do that with A at home all the time, but things were ok. Now things are soooooo different. Its all a bit mad really.

There are some strange and puzzling things about school. Like the coat thing. Apparently "nobody wears a coat to school". Apparently, this would be the height of uncoolness. Even when its pissing with rain. I've had to bite my tongue a bit on this, after all - if she wants to sit in damp clothes all day I suppose thats her business. My, those classrooms must smell nice on rainy days!
I'm just picturing her in the depths of winter, trudging through the snow, shivering and turning blue, because: WEARING A COAT IS JUST NOT COOL MUM!!!!!!
She's off to a writing workshop today - part of our town's book and arts festival, she won her place by writing a cinquain. Only one pupil from each class got a place, so she did really well. She gets the morning off school and will spend the time with professional writer Kenneth Steven. Cant wait to hear how she got on.
And then tonight, in another part of the festival, she will be reading out some of her own pieces, along with others from her writing group. The group she's in is only small, but it grew out of a much larger adults writing group, so they are all giving an evening of readings for the festival.

This weekend will be spent packing and organising for our holiday, then on Monday we are off to Italy!! I'm so excited :-) I will bore you to death with photos when we get back ;-)

Car boot finds, Spooky Men, interviews....

2011-08-26T03:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, look what I found at a car boot sale last Sunday:

yes - this is the type of find that excites me :D

And I know they are only piddly little ones, but they are enough for me, for now. A much better way to incorporate weights into my circuits than tins of beans/bottles of water. Although it has to be said this week has been a bit lax in terms of exercise, for various reasons. Such is life - I will be back on it next week!

Monday night was a very good night - we went to see The Spooky Men's Chorale, haven't laughed so much in ages. Lots of big men, some with big beards, singing Georgian choral inspired songs with titles such as "Don't stand between a man and his tool". Fantastic voices, and so, so funny. If you ever get the chance - GO AND SEE THEM!!!

Laughter was just what I needed as I had the interview looming on Tuesday morning. I get very nervous about interviews, and had been carrying around this feeling of dread all week before it. It actually went very well, as far as I could tell. I'm hopeful, but trying not to bank on getting it - there were 3 other candidates. I've learnt from my experience with the supermarket, where they were taking on loads of staff and I was sure I would get something...nope.

It would suit me quite well though, its afternoons so I would be at home in the mornings for A (although not when she gets home from school), and it would mostly be driving around in a little red van delivering parcels. Its just a matter of waiting to hear now, the interviewer did say it can take a while for the decision to be made.

After the interview I had some news about our holiday - unfortunately we will have to cut it short :-( Due to circumstances beyond my control we cant have our second week over near Venice. I'm gutted, and considerably out of pocket with having to change flights etc, but its not something any of us could have foreseen, so I'm just trying to focus on us having a brilliant time with A's Nonno and Nonna in La Spezia and Pisa for the first week.

As for school, all is well :-) A is managing the early mornings remarkably well, and seems to be enjoying all aspects of school life. She did have to have a maths test, which she was quite worried about. Maths is the only subject that is streamed straight away, and A had been put into the bottom group to start with as they had no primary school record to judge her on - hence the test. She came home after the test saying that she didn't think she had answered anything right, and was resigned (and actually fairly content) to staying in the bottom group. I wasn't sure what to think, I know she has far more ability than she realises, but I also know how panicky she gets about tests, and thought she might have done really badly through sheer terror! The following day she announced she'd been moved up to the middle group. I hope this gives her a bit of a boost and makes her realise that she's not "rubbish" (her words, not mine!) at maths.

School!

2011-08-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

So here is the 'child in school uniform' photo, along with her very cool Boosh school bag. I couldn't persuade her to stand to attention, so lounging on the couch will have to do.

And we now have a drawer marked 'school stuff'
how bizarre.

A seems to have taken to school extremely well, and is clearly enjoying the social side of it! I suppose its a bit early to say too much, but it really feels right for her. I've had a few pangs of sadness here at home thinking about the sort of things we'd be doing if we were still HEing, but mostly I've just felt happy at her obvious happiness. I'm so glad she was able to make that decision so clearly and confidently.

A's week in Edinburgh at the drama course was a fantastic success, she got so much out of it. The end of week performance for parents was just incredible, I was seriously impressed (and I've seen a fair few performances over the years with A's love of drama), and very very proud :-)

She was totally exhausted afterwards, as their working days had been 9am to 9pm, but she soon recovered and is adamant she's going back next year. I've told her we'll need to start saving now!

I had some good news yesterday - I have an interview next week for the postwoman job. Thats my cue to go into panic mode of course, but its good to know that there's at least a possibility of work ahead.

I went out for a little run yesterday. Yay! First time in weeks. I just took things very gently, didn't time myself, didn't even make a decision on how far I'd go. I went with the attitude 'I'll see how it goes'. It actually went very well, not in terms of speed and distance, but I felt pretty good, aaaand...my shins feel ok - double yay!! I'd better not get too excited, we'll see how it goes next time...

Bleeeeuuuurgh!!!

2011-08-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

Thats kind of where my head is at currently.

Took A down to Edinburgh on Monday and left her there. Thats all going swimmingly - apparently she is "havin a blast!" (according to her last text message). She was very nervous, and I felt quite emotional leaving her, but sort of knew she'd be fine.

I'm a bit all over the place really, enjoying having some space, but struggling with applying for jobs. Not having had a 'proper' job (ie the sort of job you formally apply for) for years, my sense of what I'm capable of and general self worth is very low. When it comes to selling yourself via a CV this is quite a bad thing. My initial reaction to any job description, even the really menial jobs, is 'I couldn't do that' or 'I wouldn't cope with that'. Clearly this needs to change.

My Mum has been encouraging me to go for a local job that I really don't believe I have the ability for. The hours and location are perfect, but I have no experience of the role and it would involve managing a team of voluteers. Hmmm, not exactly well known for my 'people skills'! Its not that I don't get on with people, but a lot of the time I just don't 'get' people - they puzzle me, and I think that might be a disadvantage.

My ideal job would be working completely alone. I remember in my first job when I was 19 - as a junior research technician - I used to get to do some photographic work for medical journals, so sometimes had whole days alone in the dark room. I loved that. My boss used to worry and say 'we can get someone else to do some of it to give you a break', but I was happy in there.
This is why I love my self employed work, its all done from home. Just a shame I don't make enough money from it!!!

Oh well, just have to keep on looking. I'm not sure whether I'll apply for the local job, but will get a CV and covering letter together today, and talk it over with my friend who I'm seeing later. I'm torn between throwing myself in and seeing what happens, or holding back and trusting my instinct that it wouldn't suit me. Mind you I have that instinctive feeling about most things, so wouldn't do anything at all if I trusted that all the time!

So after all that bleeuuurgh, here is a nice picture:

I should point out it is not of me. I have no idea how or why it got on to my computer, must have been something the girl was doing, but it gave me a happy feeling :-)

Progress

2011-08-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of changing a few things on this blog, to reflect the changes going on around here. Hence the new profile description and blog header pic. Hope you like the new look :-)

I think I'm over my little strop about running now. Still haven't been back out, but I will, and it will be sloooow and frustrating building back up, but I will deal with it.
I have managed to get back to the gym a couple of times, and have been slowly increasing the repeats with my circuits (which I do at home most mornings). And looking in the mirror a few days ago I noticed something - my body is definitely changing. I've lost over half a stone in the last couple of months, and I now have - gasp! - a tiny bit of muscular definition on my midriff. I'm liking this. Who cares if I'm the only one likely to see it - these are real results.

What I want to focus on now is upper body strength. I'm still doing girly, poncey box press-ups and that pisses me off. And my arms could do with being a bit more toned. I'd like to get myself some weights to use at home, so am on the lookout for some cheap second hand ones.

On the job front: I got a 'no' from the supermarket. I could have got quite down about this, as I really thought I had a good chance, but after a few minutes of thinking "Waaah!! Why don't they want me??" I decided that was pointless and it has to be a positive thing. Maybe I would have hated it, maybe something better lies ahead, who knows. At least I'm not still waiting for an answer.

My brother and his family are up here on holiday just now, so we're spending lots of time with them: bowling; skating; barbequeing; and generally hanging out :-)

Next Monday we'll be heading for Edinburgh, where I will be leaving A for her week-long drama course. I think we're both a bit nervous about this, but I have a feeling it will be - as A would say - 'epic'.

Lazy Summer

2011-07-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

We waved off E last Friday, and had a nice time catching up with some other friends, but have been having a very lazy time generally.
I still feel a bit caught in that static state where I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything apart from the basic stuff: exercise; cooking; cleaning. Its all pretty mindless though, and I've been unable to focus on any writing. I did, however, apply for another job - postwoman - so we'll see if anything comes of that.

I've been here before and I know I just need to force myself out of it. Once I make myself get into a new, healthier rhythm I'll feel much better. A will be going down to Edinburgh for a week soon, for her drama skills course, and I think having that week on my own will push me into changing things.

Risotto

I do find cooking nutritious food really therapeutic, even if its not always appreciated by my daughter, who would rather eat chips :-/

Disappearing girls, and the sorry shin saga continues...

2011-07-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

A's friend 'E' arrived on Friday :-)
We met her at the train station, then I took the two girls, along with another of A's friends to see the new Harry Potter film, which we all enjoyed.

This is the cake A made as a welcome for E

The girls seem to be having a great time, and as the week goes on I'm seeing less and less of them. The weather was good for a couple of days, so off they went on the bikes down to the beach, or the park. Its not so nice now, but they still seem keen to get out of the house. They reappear every so often for an outfit change (!) then they're off again. I'm really pleased, particularly that they're not spending much time on the computer. I do feel a bit redundant though!

These two have known each other since they were 4, but haven't seen much of each other since E moved away a few years back - its so lovely to see that their friendship has remained strong despite the time and distance apart. Its also interesting to see them together as almost-teens, all my memories of them together (and they used to spend LOTS of time together, as E's Mum is a great friend of mine) are of little girls playing. They don't 'play' any more. They both seem much older than they are, although there is the odd hint of the little girls they used to be :-)

This is the state of the bedroom at the moment

I have been trying to use the time and space they have given me to do something constructive, ie some clearing out. Yesterday I decided to start on the HE 'stuff' - all the 'evidence' I've kept of A's education, waiting for the day when someone wants to check up on us. Tempting as it was to chuck the lot, there are far too many wonderful memories amongst it all, so I went through it all and filed a lot of it away to keep. Quite an emotional afternoon!

Some of the treasures I found:

lots of amazing art work - I have a whole box of sketches and paintings

sheets and sheets of maths work - many with "I hate maths" scrawled somewhere on the page!

a flow chart entitled 'Why its not my fault' - I want to frame this, such a brilliant example of A's creative logic

the script of a comedy sketch we wrote together - brought back memories of trying to record it, we had to do loads of takes as we were laughing so much

many poems and stories - some about herself and her early childhood which were quite sad, amazing insight into very complicated adult situations

A's hilarious approach to writing up science experiments

several home-made magazines, focusing on popular culture/fashion/make-up (or rather "mack-up")

I'm so aware that a lot of the child-like aspects of A's character are disappearing now, or transforming, and I feel going to school will just push her that bit further down that road. They are all struggling so hard to be more grown up. Its inevitable, and in some ways very positive as she's becoming a lovely young woman rather than a lovely child (not biased at all ;-)) but for a parent it does evoke mournful feelings too.

So, shins.
Went for my second excruciating session with the sports physio today. She thinks I might benefit from special insoles for my trainers, apparently I may have a slight pronation that wasn't picked up when I went for my shoe fitting. I'm feeling more and more despondent about the whole thing. Its costing me money and causing me pain. I went for a very gentle, very short run this morning, and while my shins weren't too bad I feel like I'm back to square one with my fitness level and stamina. I just ran round a field a couple of times (alternate run-walking) and I felt like I was going to die. Is it worth it I am asking myself?! Somewhere in my memory is that great feeling I got from a good run when I felt I was progressing, I need to find that.

Still waiting...

2011-07-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

No news yet about the job, and its doing my head in slightly. I'm finding it very hard to focus on other things and am trying not to plan too much in case I get called in for the induction days.

So, what have I managed to get done?

The dreaded tax return

Harvesting of blackcurrants

(they are now waiting in the freezer to be transformed into blackcurrant vodka!)

Creation of 'chubby bunny'

(a present for a nearly due baby)

I also managed an outing to the pub (hooray!) while A was on a sleepover on Friday night.

Other than that we seem to have been meandering along doing very little, a bit of maths to keep on top of things for A, but lots of late nights and late mornings. A is loving it and keeps reminding me that this is her summer holiday because she is now a 'school kid'. I'm feeling a bit weird about it. I don't like the feeling of not achieving anything, that constant feeling of 'I should be doing something...' I don't seem able to move ahead until I know about the job.

At the end of this week we have a visitor arriving - A's friend from Glespin is coming to stay for a week - unbelievable excitedness from both girls :-) I think they have been planning and scheming on facebook - I wonder what I'm in for!!

More drama, sore shins, and zombie cupcakes!

2011-07-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Thats drama as in performances - not real life ;-)

Tuesday was end of term for A's Inverness drama class, with a 15 min show for parents. I really enjoyed this one - the humour was quite dark, with some quirky little touches. But A has decided not to go back after the summer. She's enjoyed the class in some ways, but I think she feels a bit old for it - its for 9 -12 yr olds, and is mostly 9 and 10 yr olds. The other drama group she's in is for 12 - 16 yr olds and she fits in much more easily and happily there. She did ask if she could go up to the older group but was told she'd have to wait until she's 13, so that means 2 more terms in the younger group.
On Wednesday we went to see one of our HE friends perform with her musical theatre group, which was lots of fun. I was amazed at how tight the performances were, the kids must have worked really hard.
And on Thursday A went to see a drama show at the school she'll be going to, which some of her friends were in. She said she enjoyed it and may join that group (which would make up for leaving the Inverness group!)

I didn't go to the show at the school, as it was my first night at the running club. There was a woman I know in the beginners group, which made it easier as we ran together. I really enjoyed running with a group, more than I thought I would. It was great having someone else to time keep, and I felt it was just the right level for me. BUT - my shins started hurting again after the run, and are feeling really sore today - AAAARRGGH!!! This is SO frustrating! This is what happened before - just when I started getting somewhere and increasing my running times the shins flared up. I'm feeling very despondent about it, as all I want to do is get out there and RUN! But all the advice about shin splints says "stop running" :-( I'm thinking about going to see a sports physio I know, maybe she will be able to help.

I've not heard about the job yet. I phoned to check and apparently there is a backlog, so I just have to be patient...

Thought I should put some photos in to brighten up this post, so here you go:

I'm very pleased with how my fruit is coming on, although I did chase a blackbird away from my blackcurrants earlier, so will have to pick them soon I think!

We had a shopping trip today, and along with all the school-related items I bought (this school malarky is proving expensive!!) we found this wonderful book - combining my love of cake and horror - perfect :D It contains such marvels as:

Shattered Glass

Blood-stained Brains

And my personal favourite -

Bleeding Hearts

YUM!!!!

Glad that week's over

2011-06-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Not that anything went badly, just quite stressful.

A had her induction days on Tuesday and Wednesday, with a disco (and parents meeting) on the Tuesday night. She was really nervous, but there were quite a few friendly faces around - kids she knows who are already in the school. I think the size of the place, and amount of people, was a bit intimidating for her, but she seems to have enjoyed the lessons she had - apart from maths, why am I not surprised?? She particularly liked science, it sounds like the science teacher is going to be a favourite.
She had a great time at the disco, and appears to have made quite a few new friends amongst her soon-to-be classmates :-)
So now we just need to buy her uniform - sorry, I mean 'dress code', they don't call it uniform. And a school bag. And probably lots of things to put in the school bag!

I still feel like things are moving far too quickly, but I have the summer to try and adjust to it all. Its a weird state of mind I'm in, I'm not upset or sad about it, A's clarity about going to school makes me feel that this is what is meant to be. I think I feel a bit lost in it - life is taking its own course without consulting me. On one hand I'm pretty confident that things will work out well for A, but on the other - we've been HEing for 3 years now, and suddenly I've got to put all that aside.

Hopefully I'll get the job I went for and that will keep me busy! I had the interview on Wednesday, and although I knew it wasn't going to be an intimidating 'panel' job (I was told there would be a maths test, DVD test, then a one-to-one 'chat') I couldn't help getting horrendously nervous about it. Anyway, it all went very well, and I should hear at the beginning of the week whether I've got a position or not.

On Thursday night there was the performance of A's drama group, where she played the part of a high school emo. It was a fantastic show, the kids all worked really hard - co-writing and developing the play. They all did really well and have obviously formed a strong little team, there were surprise outstanding performances from some, and the play gave me a much-needed good laugh :D

I've been keeping up with my fitness training - have discovered that I was running too fast!! I was trying to work out why I can run for 15 mins on the treadmill no problem, but struggle after about 1 min outside!? Even allowing for the environmental differences (wind, temperature, bumpy path) thats quite a discrepancy. I suppose its obvious really, but its taken me this long to realise the other difference is pace - of course on the treadmill its totally regulated. When I'm out running I always feel like I'm running really slowly, but its difficult to judge, and by consciously slowing my pace just a little everything becomes so much easier.
The other change I've made is going out later in the morning. I used get up early and get out by about 7am. Now, I'm not particularly a 'morning person', so this was a great struggle, but I did it because nobody is around at that time to see me all red and sweaty and out of breath. But it did bother me a bit that I was going out before breakfast, and I'm not sure that was good for me - pushing myself energetically with no fuel in me. So I decided - to hell with the vanity - I'll get up and have breakfast by about 8, and get out running by about 9.30. That way at least I wont frighten small children as they'll be in school by then!
The result - running feels much more pleasant :-)
I'm going to the running group on Thursday for the first time, will let you know how it goes.

Guess What?

2011-06-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

A wants to go to school.

She came to this decision one week ago, and I am still getting my head around it.

It all came out of the news that one of her HE friends is going into S1 after the summer. This made me think about the fact that this is the last chance for A to go in to secondary school as a first year, so we discussed this. As we talked it became clear that she was quite excited about the idea, and she immediately said she wanted to go back to school 'at some point'. I had to say that if that was the case then now was probably the time to do it, as going in with a new intake (rather than being the new kid going in to an established group) would be easier.

It amazes me how quickly she became enthusiastic about going to school, she's been on facebook talking to friends who are at school, and one girl in particular has been very supportive, she's a few years older so wont be in her year but will walk in with her and keep an eye out for her.

So, its been a bit of a mad week! I've enrolled her and she has two induction days (with all the P7s) next week. Its all happened so quickly that I don't feel I've had time to catch my breath. Our lives are going to change so drastically, it is slightly scary, but I have a real sense of this being 'right'. Even though there are lots of things about school I have difficulty with, and I have loved our 3 years of HE, no one way is perfect. I can completely see why she wants to go to school - I have always worried about the social side of things, and I think this is the main issue for A. She has lots of friends, and she's very sociable, but she has a real need to spend more time with her peers.

She is very nervous, but I can see the excitement too, and its really important that this is her decision, its something she has to do. She's most worried about maths, and they get streamed immediately for maths, so she may have to do some kind of assessment, which she wont be happy about, but its one of the things she'll have to get used to I suppose.

I'm aware that A going to school will make this blog kind of redundant :-( but I think I'll leave it up, even just for myself as a record of what we did.

Other news - I have a job interview! Its just for a part time supermarket job, but would bring in a regular income, which would be very useful! I plan to carry on writing as well, seeing as I'll apparently have lots of time on my hands by the middle of August.

BEN NEVIS!!!

2011-06-12T06:42:00.000-07:00

That totally deserves capitals!

So, we did it - A, me, my Mum, and A's Nonno set off yesterday morning at 8am from Inverness, and started the climb at 10am. We were passed by loads of army guys running (yes - running!) the mountain, but there were also lots of other walkers.
We couldn't have been luckier with the weather: very little wind; cloud above the summit all day; and although thundery showers were forecast, only a few spots of rain. There was snow in the air at the summit, but just a few little flakes, and we didn't care, in fact it was quite pleasant :-)

A says it is the hardest thing she has ever done, but she coped with the sore feet and aching legs and kept on going. I am immensely proud of her.
I found it really hard going, as I expected, but it was a great experience. I definitely want to do it again (A doesn't!).
The grandparents were amazing - Nonno just sped off ahead of us all, I don't think he would have stopped for breaks at all if we hadn't made him! My Mum struggled a bit, particularly on the way down (which is murder on the knees), but what an achievement!

The best thing for me was the absolute beauty surrounding us (no, I don't mean the running guys, although they looked pretty good too). I took about 70 photos, and it was very difficult to decide which ones to put on here, but I didn't want to bore you too much! So here are 10 of them.

Water break

A resting in a patch of snow

A at the summit!

Beach Hike

2011-06-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Prepare yourself for some beauuuuutiful pictures :-)

We set off this morning and did a few miles westwards along the beach. Had a really good laugh along the way, discussions ranging from designing our ideal house, surviving a zombie attack, general self defence, strategies for our Ben Nevis climb, how weird our accents are (apparently when I say 'house' it sounds like 'arse', which caused a great deal of hilarity, and although A was born and has always lived in Scotland she has no trace of a Scottish accent). We also played various word games, and generally monkeyed about.

Blue skies when we set off

Sky getting greyer

View across the Moray Firth

Poppies

Tree corpse

Dramatic sky on the way back

We stopped at a little cafe by the harbour for lunch, where I had the most delicious lentil soup.

Later on we had writing group at our house, I always get really nervous about leading the group, but all went well (I think!) And this evening A cooked tea for us (veggie sausage sandwiches and salad - pretty good) and (after a small amount of prompting) she has done the washing up! What a star :-)

Best pizzas ever

2011-06-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

We had a Saturday night pizza-making session - very tasty indeed :-)

Pre oven

Post oven

And we scoffed the lot while watching Dr Who. Happiness.

I forgot to mention last time - our Ben Nevis climb had to be rescheduled (due to a forecast of gales and blizzards!!!!) so we now plan to do it next Saturday (11th June). Will let you know how we get on.

The insomnia continued into the earlier part of last week, so its all a bit of a blur. A got on with bits and pieces, and all the usual clubs/classes, I was in the background trying not to fall asleep! I'm feeling a bit better about things now, but job hunting has to become a priority I think.

With the prospect of employment, and less time around for A, I'm trying to prepare her and encourage her to do more self-directed work. I've just signed her up for a K3 science course, I'm thinking it will give her a taste of science as an academic discipline (we've done quite a lot of 'sciencey' stuff, but nothing structured) so she can see how she gets on and decide whether she wants to take it further. So with that, and her essay-writing course, and the new maths website we're signing up to, as well as all the unstructured stuff she's doing, I feel we have quite a lot covered! And - most importantly - she seems to be quite up for it all.

I got out running a couple of times this week. A bit disappointing this morning - I thought I could increase my running time a bit, but soon discovered this was not going to happen (really thought I was going to collapse in a sweaty heap). After a few minutes walking I went back to 1min run/1min walk, which was fine, seems to be my level at the moment. Really hate this newbie stage, although of course its necessary to achieve anything. I feel the same in the body pump class, because as much as I love it, I have the tiniest weights while everyone else has got big heavy weights. And I still struggle with some of the exercises. The instructor keeps saying to us "if its getting too much just take some of your weights off", but if I did that I'd just be lifting the pole! I suppose I have to swallow my pride and focus on a future where I am running marathons (or my more realistic short term goal of getting round my 2 mile loop without stopping).

We're off for a hike tomorrow, along the beach, not sure if A's legs know what they're in for next Saturday ;-)

Fitness Freak

2011-05-30T03:15:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to do a post about my fitness regime and how its been progressing. This is not related to HE, but its what is going on just now for me, and after Lucy over at Skedaddle! linked to me I feel I should write something about my new obsession with becoming a super-toned, zombie-fighting action babe.

This is all Lucy's fault. Well, actually I came across her blog just after I'd started going to the gym and eating healthily again, and she inspired me to take things a step further and really go for it, which is when I added running, circuits and resistance training to the plan.

I was really enjoying the running (surprisingly!) and had got up to alternate 4 mins running/1 min walking on my 2 mile river route (probably sounds a bit pathetic, but I was slowly increasing my running time) then I was hit with shin splints so had to slow things right down :-(
However, I am determined to get back to running, and am planning on joining a local runners group once I feel a bit more confident.

I'm also enjoying the regular (2-3 times a week) gym visits, especially as A now comes with me sometimes. And on Friday I discovered something truly wonderful - a body pump class. An hour of lifting weights to very loud music, while a lovely (and slightly camp) instructor shouts at us, and occasionally bursts into song along with whatever track is playing. I don't know how he manages it, but he rolls the barbell up and down his body so suggestively its almost obscene. I love this class soooo much.
I paid for this the following day though - I was ill all last week (nasty cold) and an hour in the gym and then the class was a bit too much, as on Saturday I was wrecked. I got so miserable and grumpy that A sent me back to bed.

I'm really glad I have this to focus on as other aspects of my life seem to be imploding. Had an extremely stressful day yesterday (cant go into detail, but nothing to do with A) and got about 3 hours sleep last night. My confidence has taken a real knock recently, the self employment is feeling overwhelming and impossible. Basically I have just lost my bottle where that is concerned, so am now seriously looking for a crappy job to keep us going, one with hours that wont affect HE too much. I guess that means early morning cleaning then - oh joy!

On a brighter note - I have booked our flights for our holiday to Italy in September - cant wait! If I keep with Lucy's project (which I WILL - of course!) I may even pack a bikini ;-)

Power cut

2011-05-24T02:00:00.000-07:00

Due to the ferocious weather yesterday we had a power cut (luckily enough it happened just after I had cooked the dinner and switched the oven off). After a brief panic about not being able to get on facebook or watch Glee, A suggested we spend the evening sewing by candlelight (envisaging a long night with no electronic entertainment). So we gathered and lit a load of candles, and of course as soon as we'd done that the power came back on. We decided to keep the candles and do the sewing anyway :-)

A new 'baby monster' - the local craft shop sold a couple so I need to create a few more for them.

A made a bag out of my old jeans, just needs a strap now.

We haven't done much crafting lately, even my knitting has been neglected in the hecticness of life, so it was really good to get back to needles and thread. The evening also had the effect of renewing A's interest in making her own clothes, she found some nice, big pieces of material and is now trying to source patterns for a dress.

Hiking, Ben Nevis, and camping

2011-05-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

That sounds all healthy and outdoorsy doesn't it?

You'll notice that I have a new camera :D A Canon PowerShot A 3100 - and very nice it is too.

So, on Sunday me, A, and Granny went off on a hike. Starting off at Rosemarkie beach:

we then cut back along the path, through the bluebells:

then off up into the Fairy Glen:

One of the waterfalls:

Beautiful views from the top:

We've been doing a fair bit of walking just lately, to prepare ourselves for our Ben Nevis Climb, which (if the weather is ok) will be happening next Sunday (29th).

We'd been thinking about it for a while, then A came up with the idea of getting people to sponsor her to get to the top - to raise money towards the Summer skills course she has a place on down in Edinburgh this August (a week-long residential drama workshop with YMT).

So it will be me, A, Granny, and Nonno - a bit of a family outing. Should be fun!

Ben Nevis - the highest moutain in the UK!

On Thursday we had a lovely home ed group outing - a tour of the theatre in Inverness (Eden Court). Got to catch up a wee bit with some friends, and the tour was really interesting, especially for A, who loves all things drama-related.

This evening I dropped A off for her weekend Guides camp. I don't do camping, so it will be a bit of a novelty for her I think. I'm sure she'll have a great time - they have lots of activities going on, and a campfire disco tomorrow night. She'll probably come home completely wrecked on Sunday (in a good way!)

I was planning on getting lots of work done, and having a night out tomorrow, but have come down with a cold and am feeling all achy and lethargic. Will have to see if the copious amount of vitamin C I'm taking kicks in - if the brain fog clears I might manage some work, if I'm not too snotty I might make it out for a couple of hours. There's always hope!!

Friday

2011-05-14T05:49:00.000-07:00

Merry over at Patch of Puddles is looking for HE people to photo-blog 'a day in the life' for her blog carnival, so I thought I would join in.

This was the beautiful clear sky at 7am when I got up for my early morning jog (A was still fast asleep at this point!)

A couple of hours later and A emerges. First things first - facebook check.

Another crucial task - apply make-up.

After breakfast A does some work on her essay-writing course, she's just started it so is looking at paragraphs and how to make them 'flow'.

Meanwhile, I'm preparing a poster we're making of the periodic table. I've measured and drawn out the structure of the table, A is going to do the arty/pretty stuff - colours and script.

A bit later and she's moved on to maths. A is finishing the 'exams' which conclude the online curriculum she's been following. After struggling with some long multiplication, she manages to get 12 out of 13 correct -yay!

Falafels for lunch!

A pause for some prettiness at the top of the stairs - reflections from the sunshine

Next its off to collect the car (we have a car-share arrangement with Granny)

A has control of the camera while I'm driving:

Music (and singing along) is a definite requirement in the car!

20 miles later we arrive in Elgin, have an hour in the gym, then its skating club for A

After skating one of A's mates comes back with us for a sleepover

Crazy makeover fun!

The day concluded with some late night film-watching in bed for the girls, and a vodka & tonic, and vegging in front of the TV downstairs for me.

Not sure if thats a 'typical' HE day, but that was our Friday :D

She's baaaaack!!

2011-04-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

She's been back for over a week actually, I just haven't got round to blogging.

We had a nice relaxed easter weekend. Staying on track with my new healthy living attitude I did not consume the usual amount of chocolate, I just had one Moo Free egg, and some Montezuma's mini eggs. A did alright for chocolate, but she didn't get an egg from me. I got her a laptop for Easter. Just slightly extravagent, and I'm still not sure that particular moment of online purchasing madness was a good idea, but needless to say she is delighted.
I have to confess a (big) element of self interest here though. I bought MY laptop ostensibly for work purposes, but since our old desktop has become increasingly less reliable, and since A seems to want to spend every waking moment on facebook (another dubious decision - letting her loose on facebook), I was being constantly hassled for use of the laptop.

I have signed A up for a new essay-writing course, which looks interesting. I think its pitched at just the right level for her, so we're both looking forward to seeing how that works out. We've not got back into maths since our easter break, in fact we've not done much of anything 'formal' - the weather has been far too good (you have to make the most of it when it happens up here!) but there have been lots of activities and trips. Today, after skating, she went off to the Spey Bay Wildlife Centre with friends and has just phoned to tell me they saw some dolphins.

I'm feeling very energised and really enjoying my gym visits (going about 3 times a week) and walks in the sunshine. It doesn't seem to have made much of an impact on my mental state though. In the early hours of this morning, for some reason, I became convinced someone was breaking into my house. I stood at the top of the stairs and was sure I could smell cigarettes (I don't smoke), so I took to wandering around the house with a hammer in my hand. Not sure how much use a hammer would be against an axe murderer, but I suppose its better than nothing.
I should point out that pacing the house like a guard dog in the middle of the night is not something I do on a regular basis. However, 12-3am does seem to be my alloted anxiety time, when all my worries and fears come out to play, and repeatedly punch me in the face. This is a pattern that has emerged over the last few years. I've tried different tactics to deal with it: reading; breathing techniques; visualisation; relaxation CDs - but nothing seems to work. It seems as though the anxieties are there, and have a need to express themselves.

A has decided she wants to watch 'the wedding' tomorrow, I'm not happy, I've been trying very hard to block it all out. She argues that it will be educational. Really?? I wont stop her watching it, but I think a session on the French Revolution is required soon.

Two blog posts in one week -

2011-04-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

Whats going on???? You can tell I am child free at the moment :-)

Since the beginning of the year I've been trying to be a bit more active. My main aim is to improve my general fitness level, if I should lose a few pounds (or a couple of stones) along the way that would be fabulous, but my motivation is mostly to do with health.

I've been getting out walking more, especially in this spring weather. The beach is my favourite, and it was so hot at the weekend that there were quite a few people in the sea (this is the foot-numbing North Sea we're talking about!).

This morning I did the river loop - probably about 2 miles. Its a beautiful, quiet walk, with just the occasional dog walker or cyclist to say 'hello' to.

I was going to Bhangra dance classes too, which were fun at first, but the novelty has worn off a bit now. I'm getting fed up with watching myself prance about (in a very undignified manner) in the massive mirrored wall of the dance studio. I watch the teacher, I do exactly what she's doing, but for some reason when I catch sight of myself my body seems to be behaving like a drunken panda.

I was also going to a boxercise class, which I absolutely LOVED!! But unfortunately its changing nights and now clashes with Italian class, so no more boxing :-(

So - to keep up some kind of fitness regime I decided to rejoin the gym, and A has said she wants to join too now she's old enough. I went for my induction the other day, and was taken round by what looked to me like a 14-year-old boy. I think I must be getting old. But I'm looking forward to getting back into working out - I used to go quite regularly when I was studying for my degree and A was at school, and I really used to enjoy it. It will be even better now we can have family trips to the gym together.

A seems to be having a great time down south. We had a slightly disastrous (also quite hilarious) skype session at the weekend - half the time she couldn't hear me, and apparently the rest of the time I was shouting at her. Since then we have stuck to messaging on facebook, she even got me on 'chat' which I hate.

The website is coming along nicely, and I've just heard that I have an article going into the June/July issue of Green Parent magazine - very exciting :-)

WORK

2011-04-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Seeing as my daughter has gone AWOL down to Southampton with her Granny, leaving me to slave over a hot computer, I thought I would write a bit about how thats going.

So, its coming up to 18 months since I went self employed. I hadn't realised that until I just worked it out, it still feels all new. There are lots of things I love about it:

I love that it can fit in with HE - for example I get loads of bits and pieces done in the car waiting for A to have her guitar lesson, just scribbling away in a notebook.

I love the flexibility it affords - working til 2 in the morning if I choose, then having a lie in and spending the day with A.

Being an unsociable git, I love that I can work away all alone, and when I do need to interact with people its mainly done by email.

I love having control over what I do.

I love that I don't have to answer to a manager

The one thing I don't love is the lack of money coming in at the moment!!

I have a website now, although it still needs some work, and I need to put all my energies into promoting my services.

All the stuff in the news about 'Universal Credit' and how it will affect the self employed has scared me a bit (they seem to be saying self employed people should be making at least the equivalent of minimum wage for the hours they are doing - not sure over what period this would be assessed, but I'm certainly not there yet!!). I rely very much on my Working Tax Credits, and also on some Housing Benefit for my rent, so if I cant make this work and build up a bigger client base I will have to rethink the whole thing.

There's a big supermarket due to open in my town later this year, I'm already thinking about trying to get some hours there...so that will be back to working with loads of people, for a manager, within a huge corporation - hmmmm. It would also probably mean leaving A on her own a lot more, which I'm not too happy about. She's at an age now where she's a bit too old for childminders/babysitters (even if I could find one for during school hours!), but I still don't feel comfortable about leaving her alone for too long.

I think for now I will just focus on making the self employment work, and try not to think too much about having to go back to the hell of a job I hate! And despite all the stress of money worries, I am acutely aware of the fact that compared to the vast majority of people on this planet I am very, very wealthy. Need to keep reminding myself of that.

I really do need to get hold of a new camera - this blog is looking very boring without any pics!

Maths exams, and the second law of thermodynamics

2011-03-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

A seemed to have a good time at the sleepover party. She arrived home on Sunday at about 1pm, shuffled upstairs, collapsed on her bed and fell asleep for a couple of hours. Indication of a good party in anyone's terms.

We had a bit of a lazy start to the week, with both of us struggling to feel motivated about anything. But things improved as the week went on.

With maths, A has now reached the end of her online course, and has 10 exams to do (these are each one page of varied questions covering what she's learnt throughout the course). She was less than enthusiastic about sitting 'exams'(!) but I'm hoping they will show her how well she's actually doing with maths. Usually I sit with her so that we can discuss any problems as they come up and look at different ways of working things out. She seems to need this - her confidence in her own ability in maths is so low, I think it reassures her to know she can check things with me. I suggested with these exams that I leave her to it, and she does as much as she can on her own, then I'll come through and we can talk about any she's had difficulty with. She completed the first one on Friday, getting 29 out of 30, and needing no help whatsoever.
I don't think its registered with her how good this is - she focused in on the one error (which was just a careless extra nought, rather than a mistake in calculation), and then started wondering "do they make the first exam really easy, then gradually make them harder?" (which they don't). So, basically not acknowledging that "I did really well"!!!
Its like banging my head against a brick wall sometimes - she seems to be clinging on to this notion that she's really crap at maths (which she clearly isn't!) I guess all I can do is keep finding ways to show her that she isn't.

On Friday we watched the first programme in the Wonders of the Universe series that I've been recording. We both learnt lots, mainly about entropy. I did physics GCSE at school, and it was never as cool and interesting as Prof Brian Cox makes it - maybe if he'd been my teacher I would have actually passed!

This afternoon A is off to a Guide patrol get-together, where they will be cooking pasta together. Apparently they get a badge for boiling pasta - A was as bemused as me at this. Still, I'm sure they'll have a laugh, which is what its all about really :-)

Whoooosh....another week gone!

2011-03-19T07:59:00.001-07:00

Well, week and a half since my last post actually :-/

So, first the sad news: A's remaining guinea pig - Fred - had to be put down. Apparently he had a rather large tumour, and at six and a half was getting on a bit. He is now buried next to his brother - Ginger - in granny's garden.

RIP Freddie

On the HE front, things have been going very smoothly :-)

American history has been quite a theme for the last few weeks. We're still working our way through this book, currently looking at the American Revolution. We're also getting towards the end of To Kill A Mockingbird (which we seem to have taken ages to read) and I have the film version and a documentary about the book recorded and ready to watch. All providing much material for some very interesting discussions!

A has also developed an interest in manga graphic novels, which she has been devouring, and doing her own manga-style sketches too. We recently got questioned - with a look of suspicion - on whether the graphic novel we were getting out of the library on my home educator's card was "for studying purposes?" which I thought was a bit weird. How can a book not be educational?
I really appreciate the fact that we get a HE card - I think its great that the library recognise us in this way - but it seems a little strange that they now want to put restrictions on what is and isn't suitable "for studying purposes". Anyway, I smiled and replied "yes", and we got the book.

On the work front, I feel like I'm putting loads of time and effort in, but there seems to be very little to show for it. Yet! Hopefully this groundwork and gathering of info/updating of skills will pay off in the not too distant future.
What I'm planning to do is get more research/admin type work coming in, so have been on some workshops and signed up for a couple of courses to help me on my way with this.
What I urgently need to do is set up a website. I've been procrastinating on this for ages - I know its essential, and apparently quite easy to do, but (typically for me) I became a bit obsessed about 'getting it right'. I looked at loads of different sources for advice and got thoroughly confused about the best approach to take. So, for fear of getting it wrong and appearing unprofessional, I did nothing.
Thankfully I think I've found exactly the guidance I need through business gateway who offer lots of free resources for the self employed (including workshops on website building), so at last I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

A is off to a sleepover party tonight, so I will have the house to myself. After being forced to watch the comic relief stuff until 1am this morning, it will be lovely to have control of the TV. I'm planning a night of watching horror films in the dark, to see how terrified I can make myself. Such fun.

Mostly science and music (with a bit of crafting on the side)

2011-03-08T05:35:00.000-08:00

We headed off to the science festival at a local college last week, with our HE group. This is the third year we've been and its always well worth it. This year we learnt about 'busy bees', 'frenzied food chains', 'flaming fires', and 'Hetty's human organ chaos' (love that last one!).
This is the second time I've been the contact/organiser for our group, and it all went pretty smoothly. It always worries me as I never think I'm up to the job! But I'm actually ok with this kind of behind the scenes emailing and organising - just don't ask me to present anything or work with groups in person!
The kids were great, we had to split into two groups as there were too many of us for one, and our group ended up being all girls, but a range of ages (between 6 and 13). Most of them joined in and contributed enthusiatically, there are some very bright kids in our HE group and I think the workshop leaders were pleased with the keen responses (although A did point out that one guy appeared to be terrified!!)

A was very quiet, partly I think because she feels she's a bit old for this particular festival (its aimed at the 9-11 age group) but she did enjoy it. Also - its easy to hold back if others are really happy to answer and ask questions, I was like that myself (and still am). I felt a bit uncomfortable seeing that bit of myself in A, as I know for me it comes mainly from a lack of confidence and being easily intimidated - thinking others are much more intelligent than me. I certainly think A has much more confidence than I ever did, but I have noticed her putting herself down a bit regarding intelligence, which really upsets me. She's not drawn to the obviously academic subjects, but - of course - that doesn't mean she's not intelligent, I hope I'm able to get that message across to her.

Saturday we had a wonderfully lazy day, doing crafty stuff on the couch with the music TV channel on. The music videos brought up some interesting discussions, as I became more and more fed up with the endless procession of malnourished girls poncing about in their pants, surrounded by S&M imagery. Thank goodness for Adele, looking beautiful and dignified singing 'Someone Like You'.
There are some exceptions - cynical as I am, Katy Perry's 'Firework' video always makes me want to cry. And there's that weird tennis match video for 'Hello' which made us laugh. But generally, although I enjoy a lot of the music, watching music TV leaves me feeling quite depressed, and concerned for my daughter.

A gets weary with me periodically checking "you do know this is bullshit, don't you???" and we've had plenty of discussions around the issues - how the media manipulates, body image, the connotations of some of the violent lyrics and images - all this and more! She seems pretty sussed about it all, but its hard not to worry. It seeps in. I just hope A can keep her head straight and see it for what it is, after all, we cant hide from it, its about finding a healthy way to navigate around it all.

I have no camera!!

2011-02-23T07:42:00.000-08:00

Oh no!!! I managed to break it :-(
It was starting to fall apart anyway - the battery pod wouldn't close so I had to tape it shut - but the other day I took the batteries out and something broke off. It was obviously something important as it will no longer work at all. So until I can afford a new one, there will be very few pictures with my posts (might be able to get some with A's iPod, if she lets me).

I've been feeling a real lack of inspiration where blogging is concerned. Not because nothing is happening, we've been busy as ever and enjoying life. I'm not sure why actually, I suppose I always feel I should have something new and exciting to say, or some new angle on old stuff, but at times life is just a bit...'samey'.
I guess its all part of the ebb and flow, it happens with our HE journey - there are times when things feel a bit stale and we plod along, then invariably something will shake us up and it all gets a bit more interesting again. Lets hope that I get back into my flow sometime soon!!

A's audition that I mentioned in my last post went very well, we wont hear anything until next month, but she really enjoyed the experience, and I'm very proud of her - there's no way I would have the confidence to go to an audition like that.

There's been a happy development in our HE world - one of A's old school friends has made the move into home education. So the girls have been able to spend much more time together :D Although I don't think A is lacking in social connections, it is great to have another HE friend so close by.

Garbage in the car

2011-02-13T09:30:00.000-08:00

That's what we were listening to the other day - Garbage and Version 2.0 - hadn't listened to these for ages, years probably, but thought A might like them. She gave them an 8 out of 10. She seems to be enjoying more guitar based music now she's learning to play.

Skating is going really well, she's enjoying the social side as well as learning new skills. A bought her own skates on Friday:

Life is busy as ever, hence the two week gap in blog posts!! We are both enjoying the pace though, I certainly feel like I'm benefitting from the increase in physical activity.
We've also found time to get out for walks on our beach in the sunshine :-)

I've found another online maths curriculum that looks promising, A has nearly finished the one she's been using for the past year, and the new one looks more in line with the level she's at now, so we'll probably give it a go soon.

This coming week we'll have a bit of breathing space as most of the clubs are not on due to school holidays. But A does have one exciting activity on Tuesday - an audition with Youth Music Theatre. We heard about it through our HE group email list, and A was dead keen for me to book her a place. I think it will be a great experience for her.

And here is a photo of the fabulous pink hair!!!!

Hecticness

2011-02-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know if that is even a real word, but it sums up life round here lately!

There were more celebrations for A, and of course - more cake:

All went extremely well, the sleepover was very chilled, and it was nice that I had a friend here to hang out with too. The only annoying bit was the ice-rink inexplicably closing an hour early, so the girls only got about 20 minutes on the ice, but even that didn't seem to bother them too much (it bothered me - I had paid for them all!!)

It was great for both me and A to reconnect with our friends who came up from Glespin, we don't see them very often but they are important people to us. They ended up staying until Monday because of car problems, so we got them for an extra day :-)

Then, it was my birthday! A much quieter affair for me, we were booked to go to the ballet with the HE group on the actual day, so that worked out well. It was Cinderella, which we hadn't seen before, the set and costumes were pretty wild! At the pre-show talk we went to there was mention of influences from Andy Warhol and Vivienne Westwood, all very colourful and glamorous.

We seem to be doing loads of activities at the moment - A has started a new drama class at the big theatre in Inverness (as well as still going to the local one), and is keeping up with Guides, writing group, ice skating and guitar lessons. While I am continuing with Italian class and pilates, and have taken up Bhangra dancing and boxercise! Its all very exhausting, but in a good way ;-)

Our new HE schedule kind of went by the wayside for about a week, while all the celebrations were going on/being prepared for, but we are back on track with it all now. Granny has been away so A has had to put up with me ignoring her on my work days, which has been fine really. I give her an idea of what I'd like her to work on for the day (mostly stuff she has already chosen as areas of interest) and she gets on with it.

We found this fabulous book - well actually the librarian found it for us and ordered it in - as A had said she wanted to look at the different states in America. The book is so good we have decided to just work through it, covering American history/geography/politics/culture. We've also been playing this game to try and learn where the states are.

Something else we're quite taken with is the Brian Cox series 'Wonders of the Solar System', I had recorded this when it was on TV last year and we've just got around to watching it. Brilliant programme, we are big fans!

Happy Birthday!!

2011-01-13T14:38:00.001-08:00

A is now 12 years old! This is the cake we made - chocolate sponge with fudgy frosting, mmmmm.

After opening of presents we went off to the cinema this morning to see Animals United, which was ok - some funny moments. We then went into town for a bit of shopping, including a new hat for A :-) she has quite a collection of hats now, definitely a hat girl.

Altogether a lovely chilled day together. A is gearing up for some proper celebrations next weekend, when our friends arrive from Glespin. She'll be going ice skating with a couple of mates then having a sleepover with them back here. She'll also be getting her hair specially done for the occasion, with some pink streaks, very exciting!!

Happy New Year!!!

2011-01-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

Hello! Yes - I am still here!!!

We had a very relaxing time over xmas and new year - so relaxed I couldn't even be arsed to blog. But I am back now and don't plan to leave it so long in between posts again!

This was what we saw on our xmas day walk along the beach
And this is A glued to her beloved iPod (xmas present)

Well, the new year has brought a regime change round here. For the past few weeks I had often found myself lying awake at 3am in a state of panic. Its over a year since I became self employed, and although I've had a few pieces published I have very little money coming in. I know I can do better than this, and I know that to a large extent it is a lack of confidence holding me back.
The only answer I can come up with is to push myself more - I just have to go ahead with things, no matter how scared/uncomfortable/inadequate I feel.

I have been thinking a lot about this, and have lots of good ideas and new approaches to try, but I know that what I really need, what will make a huge difference, is structure.
I need to structure and organise my working time much better, and as a consequence of this, I need to structure and organise our HE time more too. I've been reluctant to do this before. In an ideal world - ie no money worries and being able to devote all my time to HE - learning would be much more fluid and relaxed. But back here in the real world I have to work, and as I'm fast realising - I have to work much, much harder!

Sooooo, we have discussed, drawn up plans, have some goals in sight, and are both feeling quite positive about it all. We're not moving into complete schooly-formal HE territory (that would be disastrous for us), just planning ahead what we want to cover, and on what days we will do certain things. I feel I need to stop the amount of 'drifting about' we both do, and we both need a bit more focus. Wish us luck please, we may need it!!!

And here are some random cuddling parsnips I got in my vegbox, I just thought they were too cute not to share :-)

Festive Cheer

2010-12-14T01:40:00.001-08:00

Put our decs up last week, an event that A was very excited about! It always seems like a chore to me - until I get started, then I enjoy it all as much as A. We now have several presents piling up underneath the tree :-)

I appear to be fairly well organised this year, I still have a few more of our paper Chinese lanterns to make, and a few snowman chocolates to make (found a silicone ice tray with little snowman shapes, so have been melting chocolate and remoulding it), but everything else seems sorted. Making jam in the autumn was a brilliant idea as its solved a lot of 'what to buy for..' dilemmas.

A is dangerously easy to buy gifts for (dangerous to my bank balance). Maybe its just because I know her so well, but I keep seeing things that I know she will love. I need to stop buying now, as I have loads of things for her already.

A had her drama performance last Friday. There were quite a few technical hitches with the lighting and sound, which seemed to worry the kids a lot. I tried to point out that the audience all seemed to enjoy it anyway, and nobody blamed the kids for errors that were out of their control, but A seemed a bit upset about it.

I was really proud of her though, the part she was given wasn't one she wanted, and to be honest I could see why - it was quite embarressing for a typically self conscious pre-teen (she was playing a giant baby, and her few lines were 'babyspeak'), and there wasn't a lot she could do with it really. But she stuck with it and did her best.

A has also been doing a lot of writing, and is writing a spooky story in chapters. Its looking good (I'm proofreading).

Talking of writing, we had her writing group at ours last Monday, which meant I had to lead the session(!) It all seemed to go quite well, I gave them a couple of pieces of music to listen to and write about. I found it quite difficult to judge how well it was being received, but have had some positive feedback from a couple of parents so hopefully they enjoyed it. They certainly came up with some interesting work - talented girls!

So what else? A fab sleepover at ours the other weekend with a family of four sisters (fellow home edders). There were lots of board games and a bit of film making, and a vegan chocolate cheesecake that we all enjoyed. A very late night, but lots of fun :-)

A spent this weekend with her paternal grandparents, who took her to see the big panto in Inverness. We're so lucky to have all A's grandparents so close, and really appreciate how supportive they all are in their own ways. As a lone parent, life would be much more difficult for me if I didn't have my Mum and my ex in-laws around, and I can see how much benefit A gets from these relationships.

Yesterday we took ourselves off to see the new Harry Potter film, which we both enjoyed. We're not huge Potter fans, neither of us have read the books, but we've seen all the films. Before the film we treated ourselves to a Starbucks coffee/hot chocolate, and had a hysterical game of charades in the coffee shop (we stayed in our seats, we're not that embarressing!) where A had me crying with laughter at her antics. We seem to laugh a lot together, long may it continue!!

Making 3D objects from nets

2010-12-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

3D space is what we've been looking at in maths for the last couple of weeks, relatively painless!
Got the nets here.

Purple guitar

2010-11-24T07:35:00.000-08:00

This is A's new guitar:

and she is one very happy girl :-)

She seems to have gone a bit purple-mad just recently, which is a bit of a problem as its my favourite colour too, so we are now fighting over purple stuff (or rather she is now pilfering all the purple stuff I already have!!)

We decorated A's room (guess what colour!?!) and she is now rearranging all the furniture, so it will have a totally new look. This has put me in a rearranging frame of mind for the rest of the house. I have plans, just need to find the time to do it...

We also had a lovely weekend away in Edinburgh with Granny. Visited A's favourite place - Camera Obscura - which had some new exhibits. Also went to the National Museum of Scotland, spent a good couple of hours there. We had an excellent veggie meal at David Bann, I had noodles and smoked tofu in a ginger & red pepper sauce, yum. And we took (a rather reluctant) A on an evening 'ghost tour' of the underground vaults - very spooky! I don't believe in the supernatural and even I was scared! I think we picked one of the better tour companies, some of them seem to be very gimmicky and rely on gory effects, but our guide was good fun, and there was a lot of actual 'history' as well as all the spooky stuff (although there was a 'jumperouter' near the end).
Got a little bit of Christmas shopping done too, and generally had a great weekend, the only bit that spoilt it was our train being cancelled on the way back which caused some stress, we ended up on a bus for part of the way, and not sitting together, but we got home in the end.

I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed by life, not sure if this is to do with xmas approaching. I think thats part of it but there are lots of things affecting me just now. I've started to get that panicky feeling again (I tend to go through phases of this) where I feel I'm just not doing enough. I'm working, but I'm not actually earning very much, and that makes me feel like I should be doing more. All the stuff in the news about welfare reforms makes me edgy too, as I do rely on a certain amount of help from the state, and probably will do until A is independent.
Of course the other BIG area I'm worrying about is home ed (deja vu, anyone?) Am I doing enough here? To motivate? To offer opportunities? Should I push more? Should I stand back more?
I always have this sneaking suspicion that we're not doing half as much as everyone else.

I suppose this is common for a lot of people (well, I tell myself it is to make me feel slightly better!) and I know I will come through it to a more balanced state soon. I do have some exciting/scary plans for something I want to work on, so maybe just need to focus on that rather than panic about all the things I'm not doing.

Can we just slow things down a bit, please?

2010-11-13T02:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like life is just speeding by at the moment, there is so much going on. I know its all about perception, nothing has actually changed really, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick. Probably just need to sort my head out. Not really sure how to go about that though, seems its an ongoing project.

So what have we been up to? All the usual for A: writing group; guitar lesson; drama; Guides. Oh and she's started going to an iceskating club night too - very enjoyable for her (a little less so for me, will copy my friend and take a hot water bottle next time!!). Looks like it might be a regular thing though, and its a cheap way for her to get a little bit of tuition.

A is off to the Remembrance parade with Guides tomorrow. She came home from meeting on Thursday with the news that she needed smart black trousers and smart black shoes for Sunday - of course she doesn't own such things!! - so we went off on a shopping trip yesterday. I ended up spending a fortune, as I've been promising for a while that we'll decorate A's bedroom. We now have purple paint (and various other purple accessories) so will be transforming her room into a purple palace any day now!

I've been enjoying my new Italian class - tutti bene!! Only had a couple of classes so far, but its a nice group, and I really like the teacher. I'll have to get over my embarressment and practice on A's Nonno, thing is, if I say a couple of words he replies - at length - and I get lost and get all flustered!!
It is weird being in a 'classroom' environment again. At school I absolutely hated language class (I did French and German, then dropped German, and did very badly in French). It had all my least favourite elements of school-type learning - being put on the spot, having to speak in front of everyone, feeling totally out of my depth most of the time. So I was very nervous going in to the first Italian class. I still feel that inner panic at certain moments, but there isn't the judgement I felt so deeply at school.

I have been brave and offered to take my turn and hold A's writing group at ours. I was really torn between feeling obligated to share the responsibility with the other parents, but also feeling my natural inclination to run a mile from anything involving 'group' activity. This is not laziness, I'm extremely introverted, and find groups very stressful and difficult. I've had to push myself on this, especially since we started HE, as I don't want A to miss out on social stuff because of me. Sometimes it works out well and I cope ok, other times I barely get through it and collapse in a heap when we get home. Anyway, what pushed me this time was A's brutally honest comment that "it looks bad if we don't have it at ours". And she's right. Although 'how we look to other people' isn't, and shouldn't be, the basis of our decisions about how we lead our lives, in this case it is important for A to feel equal with her peers. And what I found was, once I accepted 'this is something I'm going to do', I started to get all kinds of ideas about themes for the session. This is me in my element: planning and organising, structure. So at least I'll be prepared for the session! I'm 90% sure it will be fine, they are a great bunch of kids, and to be honest could probably run the group themselves, but even if I struggle a bit at least I've put myself forward and taken my turn.

Angelpants!!

2010-11-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

Some shameless self promotion now: we have set up our Folksy shop, its great! Go and have a look!! ;-)

Scary food!

2010-11-02T03:53:00.001-07:00

These were our Halloween treats:

Jellied Eyeballs

Severed Fingers

YUM!!!

Archimedes Screw

2010-10-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

Put one of A's National Geographic prizes together today:

Quite a neat little kit :-) and clearly demonstrated the principles behind the Archimedes Screw.

It also reminded us of Mr Archimedes Bath which we both loved when A was younger.

The Tattie Holidays

2010-10-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Its been a funny couple of weeks. The schools up here have been on holiday, so there's been quite a lot of catching up with 'schooled' friends, and our usual (vague) routine has completely disappeared. This always makes me feel a bit uneasy, but thats my stuff, and A has had a great time.

A went on her first Guides sleepover at the beginning of the holidays, held in a local church hall. I think she got about two hours sleep, and she spent most of the following afternoon dozing on the sofa - so a success then!

We went to see this fantastic ice show with Granny, then on to La Tortilla Asesina for a very delicious Tapas meal.
I had a bit of a mini film fest, going to see I am Love and A Prophet in the same week, two very different films. I enjoyed the first mainly because it was in Italian, but I did get drawn into the story. It took me a while to get past the weirdness of the kind of wealthy existence portrayed, where you have staff around all the time to cook, clean, pull your curtains for you etc, but once I'd adjusted to that I became quite intrigued by the characters.
The second film was a very powerful prison story. Not exactly easy viewing, but beautiful and intense, definitely my kind of film.
Whilst in film mode, I watched Dogville (on DVD) again, one of my favourite films. Quite a depressing view of human nature, but brilliantly written, and I love the way its filmed almost like a stage play.

A seems to have developed a keeness for baking, and there is often a chocolatey smell coming from my kitchen these days. They don't always work out well - she's quite reluctant to follow recipes so its a bit of a trial and error process - but the one she's produced today looks very promising :-)

There was another sleepover this weekend, with A going to stay with our HE friends over the other side of Inverness. She had a wonderful time with them, and they managed to produce and perform a little play together - she's clearly found some kindred spirits there!!

So tomorrow its back to normal, whatever that is. Back to a little bit of structure anyway, and back to all the clubs and groups.

Article on Learning Styles

2010-10-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Another article of mine is in the Aug/Sept edition of Mumsense magazine, which has just become available online if you want a look :-)

Crafty devils

2010-10-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

We had a crafty day yesterday, hence my living room looked like this:

Such a lovely way to spend a day, music pumping, scissors snipping, glue sticking, totally chillful. And we got most of our Christmas cards made.

Finally decided on our Christmas project, that is - a little handmade gift we make and send to friends and family every year. Having made quite a few pots of jam I've got local people sorted, but I don't fancy packing up and sending heavy glass jars out to people all round the country. Racked our brains a bit as we've been doing this for years now and are running low on ideas for 'light' items to send out with cards, but the other day I came across the idea of these (tissue paper) stained glass effect chinese lanterns:

I think they look a bit Christmassy, and are very different to what we've done other years.

I know its very early to be thinking about Christmas, but I find if I don't start getting organised in October time runs away and suddenly - oh, I've got a week to get everything done!!

I'm not religious at all, but I do really like winter. I like the dark nights drawing in, cosy evenings in, wrapping up in layers of jumpers and coats, wearing of big boots. Not so much the wind and rain, but I do like frost and snow. So I suppose its more of a winter festival than a religious one for us, but its still a good excuse to take the time to appreciate loved ones and let them know you care.

Need to mention this lovely bag I bought from Cheery Mishmash, its gorgeous! There are lots of other HE related designs for bags and T-shirts, and other non-HE related items too - I got a really cute baby vest for my cousin's little girl from them. Well worth a look!

Theatre

2010-10-05T06:13:00.000-07:00

We went off to Eden Court last week to see The Rebel Cell, a brilliantly clever and satirical piece of hip hop theatre. Its set in 2015, where the bombing of the 2012 olympics has led to a total clampdown on civil liberties, and rebel dissident Dizraeli is incarcerated in Glastonbury (now the British Guantanamo). The play centres on an interview with Dizraeli by his former friend and performing partner, who is now a journalist.

It was a shame that the audience was so small, as there was a strong element of audience participation and that is so hard when there's only a few of you.

However, I found the whole experience really inspiring and exciting. In a way it made me a bit sad too, because it reminded me of how political and activistic I used to be, and how music played a big part in that. Whereas now I often just feel disillusioned and powerless. And old.

I suppose it is partly age, and partly circumstances, but I sometimes feel that all the 'important' stuff is pushed aside to make way for all the mundane stuff - watching X factor, shopping at Tesco, and all the other bollocks that I buy into, however 'reluctantly'.

I try to ease my conscience by telling myself that we have a balance - its not all Tesco and crap TV, we also have local fruit and veg, and documentaries. Well done me. But is this just a convenient compromise? What are my real, core values, and why is it so hard to live by them and teach my daughter about them?

Maybe I'm just lazy. I am still angry though, about a lot of things, I've just lost sight of what to do with that anger. So when I hear things like Dizraeli's lyrics, which strike that chord of recognition in me, it brings mixed feelings. A boost in motivation from knowing that there are people out there with a similar outlook who are enthusiastically promoting a positive message. But I also feel a sense of hanging in limbo, and that I'm a bit of a hypocrite.

A said she enjoyed it, but it was less of an intense experience for her. She just likes rap. We did talk about the political issues it brought up on the way home, so hopefully its encouraged her to think about some things a bit more deeply.

We Are Winners!

2010-09-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Friday was a very good day.

To start with I had a text first thing from a friend asking if her daughter could come over for a couple of hours. A was delighted to have a mate over, so maths and English went out the window, replaced by piano and guitar playing, and making up and filming a dance routine to enter a competition with. Happy girls :o)

In the afternoon a delivery man knocked on the door, handed me a parcel, and said 'I've got another, larger one in the van'. He wasn't joking - came back with an enormous box! I was desperately thinking 'what the hell have I ordered recently? Is this the result of some drunken internet shopping spree I've forgotten about??!' But no - it was the breakfast hamper I recently won on Hannah's National Breakfast Week giveaway, full of exciting new kitchen stuff:

and yummy cereals:

I don't often buy cereals, we usually stick to porridge or toast, so this is a real treat for us :o)

The other parcel turned out to be a prize for A - she had won a competition in National Geographic Kids Magazine (we're not sure which one as she's entered a few). Looking forward to playing with these:

Later on I had a phonecall from a very close relative to tell me that he and his partner had snuck off and got married that afternoon!!! They've been together about 14 years, and didn't even tell their kids until they'd done it! Very, very happy for them :o)

Guitars and monsters

2010-09-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday A had her first guitar lesson. We were chatting away to the tutor when we first went in, and he asked A "what year are you in at school?" So A did her usual "erm.." and sideways glance to pass the question over to me (she hates having to explain home education to people), so I said "well actually she doesn't go to school, we home educate" to which he replied "oh, so do we" !!!!! How amazing is that!?! They only live a few miles down the road and we've never come across each other. They belong to the same HE online network for the north of Scotland as us, but we've obviously never been to the same events.
Anyway, that got things off to a great start, I went off and had a chat with his wife while A got started on learning the chords for a Katy Perry song. I have a feeling this is going to work out well :o)
We may be needing a new, full size guitar quite soon though, as this one:

is a bit too dinky

We've also been doing a bit of sewing:

Manny & Bob

These little monsters (along with some brothers and sisters when we get time to make them) will hopefully be appearing in our Folksy shop once we get it up and running. There will be other bits and pieces too, some cards, and some of my knitting. I'll link to it once its sorted.

Spellzone seems to be working out well for A, she's able to sit and work through the units herself, without me looking over her shoulder, which I think is good for her confidence. When it comes to the maths programme she's doing she likes me there by her side most of the time. She still really lacks confidence in maths, even though she can do the work ok.

Granny is off on a cruise just now (get her!) so we have the car (yipee!) but I have no childcare, which is not ideal when I have to work. Even as I'm typing this I'm questioning whether it is so much of a bad thing - I always feel guilty about working because I think I should be entirely focused on A, even if we're not actively working on something together I feel I should be available in the background somewhere. But me working gives A time completely to herself to focus on whatever she wants to (today it was creating fictional characters - written details and drawings, painting, and guitar playing, also a bit of 'putting on make-up' too I suspect) which is probably a good thing.

Techfest in Aberdeen

2010-09-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

We went to this last year and A didn't seem that impressed, so I was surprised she was so keen to go again this year. Anyway, I signed up for us to go with the home ed group, then realised our sessions would start at 9am, and seeing as we're a 2 hour train journey away we decided to go the night before and stay at a B&B. And of course we had to go out for a nice meal because it felt like we were on holiday - so a half day science festival turned out to be rather an expensive trip! Still, we had a great time, so it was worth it :o)
Our group was much smaller this time - 9 kids and 5 adults - and I have to admit I found that a lot easier, and had a good chat with the other parents there. A seemed to get more out of it too, I think this was because it was just a morning with 3 sessions, rather than four sessions with a lunch break in between as it was last year. They had an interactive 'bodyworks' workshop, a 'supermarket science' show with several other groups - lots of fun, and a session with 'Mr. Bug' where we all got a chance to handle giant African snails (slimy) and cockroaches (wriggly), and to meet a lizard, tortoise and a snake.
The whole event is well organised and run so efficiently, very impressive. We're both really glad we went.
Did I get any photos with all those fantastic photo opportunities? No, of course not :o( I was however suffering from sleep deprivation after sharing a twin room with A muttering and shouting in her sleep, and at one point knocking a glass of water across the room with her flailing arms - splashing me, my phone and my book, not a good way to be woken at 2am! So that is my excuse.

A is now talking about having guitar lessons, so thats something I've got to look into. She's finishing with the piano lessons next month, so I'm quite pleased she's decided to take another musical route. Her grandparents bought her a half size guitar a couple of years ago, and she messes around on it from time to time, mostly with her grandad who also plays. Its really nice for them to do this together, and I think he's quite pleased she's decided to have a go with proper lessons, so we'll see what comes of it.

I'm feeling a bit frazzled just now. I decided to try doing a bit of work for an American company who use lots of freelancers to write very short articles for online sites. The pay is really crap, but the format is very structured, so I thought if I got quick enough at producing them it might be an ok way to bring in a little bit of regular income. Well, after spending a ridiculous amount of time on a job that was going to earn me a little less than a tenner, then having it rejected and told to do a complete rewrite, I have come to the conclusion that it is just not worth it. I found it really hard trying to write in the company 'voice', when I am used to writing, don't know how else to put it - from the 'heart'. With all articles you have to have in mind the target audience and what the publication wants in terms of style and content, but you still write from your own perspective and in your own 'voice'. This just felt like selling my soul, and for very little!!
Part of me thinks I'm not really in any position to be so precious about it - I need to make some money! But I just don't think I could get to the point where I'm churning out pieces like a machine, about things I have no interest in, from some corporation's 'point of view'.

sunshine, and more jam

2010-09-06T02:57:00.000-07:00

There's been lots of this lately:

which for us means more of this:

we do love our beach (I may have mentioned this before a few times!!!), especially now the schools are back and there's hardly anyone on it :o)

Friday we had a 'beach art' session suggested by A, followed by chips at the cafe (also suggested by A!). Saturday A's mate came round for the day, so we all headed off again - me armed with a magazine this time as I knew I would be surplus to requirements! All good though, I had a lovely lazy time reading and sunbathing while the girls were off paddling and doing whatever it is they do (I wanted to write 'playing' there, but it seems wrong now they are so grown up. They do still 'play' but I don't think they would call it that).

Sunday was a bit windier, so we stayed home. I had another blackcurrant jam-making session with my HUGE new pan, very successful :o) think I'm going to experiment with some other fruits next.

Today A is feeling a bit under the weather so has stayed in bed :o( not like her at all, she hardly ever gets ill. So our plans for the day have all gone out the window. I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do - Mondays are usually busy for us with lots of 'educational stuff' going on. I think because we don't have anything else going on on Mondays - no clubs or regular activities - we often really get stuck into what we're doing at home - projects or new interests. Mondays are actually my favourite day of the week because of this.

However, I'm not feeling that great myself - managed to slip on the stairs last night, ending up in a heap at the bottom - so I'm feeling a bit sore at the moment, maybe a quiet, restful day would be a good idea for both of us.

Food and Friends

2010-08-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

These have been the dominant themes over the last few days.

The apples are starting to fall from Granny's tree, so plenty of pies and crumbles will be appearing :o)

I had a go at jam-making with some local blackcurrants - divine!!! Think I'll be making another trip to the fruit farm soon as five jars isn't going to last long (especially seeing as I've given 3 away already!) I do need a bigger pan though.

Picked up some broad beans at the fruit (& veg) farm, and made a delicious bean and mushroom risotto - mmmmm.....

Spent Sunday in Perth with some friends who were up from Norwich. Had a great time catching up and walking round the river.

More friends on Monday! Visited some HE friends over the other side of Inverness from us - beautiful weather and surroundings:

and lovely friends to play with:

and chill with:

A is a Planet Defender!!!

2010-08-25T04:50:00.001-07:00

She is! In the September issue of National_Geographic_Kids magazine. They have published a letter she wrote about her fund raising efforts for tigers, and a picture of her too - she's very excited about it all :o)

She's putting a lot of effort into fundraising at the moment, but for less altruistic reasons - she's after this game for her DS! So I'm getting lots of help with the housework just now. The house has never been so clean.

So, Monday felt like a fresh start after our longish trip away. First thing - maths! We're on decimals and fractions at the moment, still plodding along with smartkiddies, supplemented with related stuff from the multitude of maths resources I have (I'm obsessed). Then:

some story-writing...

and reading out to me.

A likes me to give her a list of titles to choose from, she writes some great stories, often very humorous. Spelling is still a bit of an issue, weekly spelling lists and tests didn't really work for us (of course they didn't, what were we thinking!?) so we are looking for another method to help A improve her spelling skills. I'm liking the look of spellzone, and would be interested in hearing from anyone who's used it??? A few people have recommended spellodrome, but it looks like a very competitive approach to me, something A would run a mile from.

We've also started reading To_Kill_A_Mockingbird together.

Next up was science, and an experiment out of this fab little book we got out of the library. Ours involved a toaster, some cardboard, and a pedal-bin liner:

switch the toaster on...

watch the bag puff up...

and its away!

So we learnt about air density, and that cold air is more dense than hot air. I love this book - after it describes the experiment step by step, there are two sections: 'why does it work?' and 'how does this apply to the real world?' - giving really clear, concise explanations.

A is back to all her groups/classes this week: drama, guides, piano. Piano is a bit of a bone of contention at the moment. She's not really enjoying learning, and sees it as Mum 'making her' do something. Its a difficult one - on one hand I can see her point of view, why should she be made to do classes she's not interested in? But on the other - she does enjoy music very much and has a real ear for it, it would be a real shame to waste that talent. I would never push her to do exams or anything like that, but reading and playing music to a competent level would be a great skill for her to have, useful in so many ways and situations. I think I may have to agree to stop the lessons, for now anyway, I'm hoping that at some point she will realise how learning music could benefit her.

I've been looking at college courses, ostensibly for A (yeah I know, getting a bit ahead of myself! But was interested in seeing the local intitutions entry requirements, and whether they are likely to be flexible for HE kids, and as A seems dead-set on drama courses I thought I'd do some early research. Looks pretty positive) but I ended up coming across an MA that I really want to do at some point. I remember looking at it when I finished my degree a couple of years ago and thinking 'this is the next step'. I felt really tempted looking at the syllabus this morning, but it would be crazy - I can barely manage my time with HE and working from home, taking on an MA course would be insane! But still, the longing is there... my time will come :o)

hello! hello! hello!

2010-08-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Its good to be back! Not that we didn't enjoy our holiday - we had a great time - but we arrived home yesterday morning to glorious sunshine, and it felt like the right place to be :o)

Bit of a quick photo catch up then:

Our lodge and all our bikes at Centre Parcs (Whinfell Forest)

First time at CP - loved it! Loads for us all to do, and although it was the busiest time of the year it didn't feel too crowded. Not cheap though!!

The kids did loads of activities, some together and some not, here are a few that A enjoyed:

Pony trekking

Archery

CSI (!)

We also did roller blading, badminton and pottery painting, and the boys got up to some more daring stuff like laser quest and quad biking. I enjoyed a bit of nordic walking, and a spa evening with my Mum - loved those steam rooms. And of course, there was plenty of swimming, unfortunately this resulted in A's blue streaks turning a weird kind of purpley-grey colour, but she wasn't too bothered. All in all, a fantastic week, AND we were all still talking to each other by the end of it!

>After that it was on down to my brother's for a bit of chill out time, and visiting a few relatives. I did a lot of reading, got through Robert Harris's Rome books - Imperium and Lustrum, and also finally got round to reading The_Wasp_Factory by Iain Banks. It was recommended to me years ago by a friend who said "its definitely your kind of book", not sure how to take that now I've read it, but I suppose she was right, as I did enjoy it.

>Next up was the big family wedding that A had been preparing for for about the last six months, very exciting! It was a fab day, and I felt surprisingly moved seeing my little cousin get hitched.

False nails were required for the occasion - very grown up

A having a boogie with the bride

Then after a few more days with my brother and his family, we boarded the Caledonian Sleeper and came home. First thing we did was head down to the beach and have a paddle :o))

And we're off again

2010-07-31T13:03:00.000-07:00

Another holiday, how spoilt are we this year!?! This time we're off to Centre Parcs with Granny, my brother, his partner and my nephews. A proper family holiday. Then down to my brothers and all off to a family wedding. We're very excited!

I feel I have been neglecting Educational Escapades lately. To be honest I've been having a bit of a blog-wobble (that really is a fantastic term - say it out loud, you'll see what I mean!). I've been wondering whether this is really a good thing for me to be doing, asking myself questions such as: am I repeating myself? Is it getting boring? Is it taking up too much of my time? All of which has made me assess why it is I write this blog.

Partly I write to try and keep a bit of a record of what we do. Partly its to offer one example of what home ed can be like. Partly its to connect with other bloggers. But what I've realised is its also become a representation of me as a writer, because I've linked to it through so much work related stuff, and that is a very different thing . Somehow, because of the way I approached it from the start - as a loose, chatty journal - it doesn't feel 'good enough'.

Another issue, which pops up from time to time when I'm feeling insecure, is the tendency I have to look at other HE blogs and feel that everyone else is doing it so much better than me. There are some amazing HEors out there, and in positive moments I can find their blog posts inspiring and motivating. But when I'm feeling low I become very self-critical and just see how inadequate I am as a HEor.

I'm trying to be very objective here, to really look at whats going on and why I'm feeling so troubled about it all. Being rational about it I know that none of the negative stuff is true, and if it is, it doesn't actually matter. This is just one tiny little blog in an inconceivably massive blogosphere. If I can just concentrate on being honest, and writing for me and A, then none of the other stuff matters.

I'm going to take some time while we're away to really try and get my head around this, and find a bit of clarity in my thinking. Hopefully I'll come back refreshed and renewed, with a more positive approach to blogging.

Monday evening at the beach - photos

2010-07-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

What have we been up to?

2010-07-18T08:19:00.001-07:00

Quite a sociable, busy couple of weeks - visiting old friends for a weekend, and catching up with lots of other friends we haven't seen for a while.

Also...

Having our hair dyed:

Doing some henna tattoos:

Going to see the new twilight film - far too soppy for my liking, but A really enjoyed it

And A has been updating her new blog .

Positivity

2010-07-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

Anyone who follows this blog will know that I have regular maths-related anxiety attacks. Don't know why its maths in particular that gets me this way, might be partly to do with A's own feelings about the subject, but anyway, I have been known to lie awake at night worrying myself half to death about whether I am failing my daughter, and will she turn around in ten years time and say "I never learnt my times tables properly because you didn't make me, and because of that my life is now ruined". Not sure why her life would be ruined by this, but my catastrophising generally doesn't need reason.

I decided to do a general review last week, just for myself really, and go through all the 'work' A has been doing this year (by work I mean any interests/activities, not just written stuff). Looking at it as objectively as possible I don't have any concerns - I think she's got a great, and full 'curriculum', which covers a broad range of 'subjects' (I know I'm putting all this in schoolish terminology, which doesn't really apply to the way we do things, but I suppose I do use what she would be doing at school as some kind of comparison when I'm assessing things). She's a bright girl, with clear strengths and weaknesses, but no particular problems with what she's learning (Oh God, this is starting to sound like a school report!)

But I knew all that anyway. What I was really pleased about - from an assessing point of view rather than being involved in the learning process - was how she's progressing with maths. Looking at what she's covered, through the online site we're using and the other material relevant to each theme that I've brought in, made me feel really positive about it all. Sometimes I just need to step back a bit and be a bit more objective, instead of getting all caught up in the parental fear/anxiety/guilt about what she should be doing, because actually she's doing fine. In fact, she's doing brilliantly, and she's happy.

Took a visiting friend to Cawdor yesterday, just for a walk around the gardens and the woods, here are some pictures:

In character

The walled garden

Sculpture made from flint

Bee on a thistle

View from a bridge

Had a lovely girly night last night - make-overs and chocolate facepacks; home made pizza; DVDs; painted toenails - a very late night and a lie-in this morning. Perfect.

pictures

2010-07-03T01:34:00.001-07:00

A beautiful evening sky outside our (dirty) top window:

A lot of skipping has been going on lately, with both of us trying to keep in shape:

New T-shirt and a new blog

2010-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

This arrived in the post today, bought from these lovely people.

The new blog is not mine, but A's, and can be found here:
http://puppy-musicandmayhem.blogspot.com/

Hopefully she'll post a bit more often than with her last blog!

Seagulls

2010-06-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not a great fan of seagulls, I hate the way they dive bomb at you when they've got babies to protect. I know they're just being good parents, but they bloody terrify me. However, spotted these guys out of our top window this morning, and have to admit they are very cute looking.

If they start squawking at 3 o'clock in the morning I may change my mind.

A dramatic week

2010-06-27T02:17:00.000-07:00

Because A took part in the performance of 'Island Dream' (a take on A Midsummer Nights Dream) with her drama group. She played 'Bottom', a good role for her - lots of very funny lines. She had a little contingent of fans in the audience - grandparents and friends - and did extremely well. More importantly she really enjoyed the whole experience, not just performing but the teamwork involved with the group. She's going up to the older group after the summer, which she's a bit sad about as she'll be leaving some of her friends behind, but it will be an opportunity to make new ones and maybe for more challenges.

A's friend came over last night for a sleepover, and they have gone off this morning with Granny to the Quaker group's barbecue, its glorious sunshine and they will be by the beach so I'm sure they'll have a great time. Later on they are going off to a dress-up/singalong showing of Mama Mia (are they insane??), so I wont see them for a while. A chance for me to get on with some work, a bit sad when its such a lovely day. I now have an 'office' in our spare room, which is much better than working in the corner of the living room, and am on a mission to create an even more effective work space. I need a desk, and a proper chair for sitting at the computer (one which supports my knackered old back).
I have another piece in the current issue of mumsense magazine, not really an article - more of a list: '101 summer fun ideas', something I was asked to do, and created back when we were snowed in, which was a little weird! I have a couple of other pieces I'm working on, but feel I need a big push to get some more work out there. It feels difficult at the moment as there's so much going on through the summer - various visitors coming up, and then we're away again for a couple of weeks - but then there's always 'stuff' to distract me, I just need to get on with it.

MMmmmmmarshmallows

2010-06-20T03:57:00.000-07:00

We had a go at making these on Friday, the pack had been lying in our cupboard since Christmas, when it appeared in A's stocking.

Had to go out and buy a cooking thermometer to monitor the sugar/water/starch mixture

Mixed it at high speed with the other water/starch mixture, adding a bit of vanilla extract and a little pink food colouring

Then left it to set

Chopped it up and dusted with icing sugar

Plenty to go round :o)

They weren't as light and fluffy as they should have been, probably due to our impatience at the mixing process - I reckon if we'd mixed a bit longer they would have fluffed up more - but they do taste delicious.

We had some with strawberries and melted chocolate last night, and are going to try toasting some tonight.

Angel Fish

2010-06-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

We spent this afternoon making this.

Back to work

2010-06-14T04:12:00.000-07:00

Really feels like a 'back to work' day with HE today, after our holiday break. We did some revision on the division A had been trying to get her head around before we went away, and she seemed to remember it all very well. We had a look at some of the other topics in the online course she is following (in a very flexible way, ie avoiding all the timed assessments that send her into a brain-freezing panic) and A asked me what there is to like about algebra. As I launched into an enthusiastic defence I could see her eyes glaze over, and almost heard the word "nutter" escape from the corner of her mouth. So I have been on Amazon and ordered a load of murderous_maths books, in a (probably futile) attempt to prove that 'hey - maths is fun!!!'

We also had a look at 'spelling'. We have a new approach to spelling, using this book. On Monday A is given 16 words to learn and on Friday we have a test. Very simple, very schooly, but she seems OK with it. Spelling is the one area where A really falls down. She has a great vocabulary, writes wonderfully, has a fairly good understanding of punctuation and grammar, and has no problems reading, but her spelling is pretty bad. I used to say to myself that as long as she is reading and writing lots the spelling would come eventually, and maybe that's true, but we've both become aware that she seems to be lagging behind her peers in this area. Embarrassment - as wrong and unfair as it is to be judged on your spelling skills - can be a strong motivator, and A wants to improve. We've used the 'fun' spelling workbooks and games in the past, but feel the time has come for something a bit more intense. We'll see how it goes...

After maths and spelling A decided it was vitally important to tidy her room. She's been up there for a couple of hours now and there has been a lot of guitar playing going on, and apparently she's just "nearly done the splits!!".

Some more ideas have come up for themes to work on:

research into Anarchism (A started using the Anarchy symbol as her initial, but only had a vague idea of what it stands for)
a creative/arty look at the periodic table, as A seemed so interested in it when looking at this book
artists profiles - I have recorded several programmes on different artists recently, and we'll link this into doing some studies of favourite artists work

Had another 'nutter' moment this morning. Popped out to pick up a few things in town and bumped into an old acquaintance - very nice lady - who asked me if I was still 'home tutoring'. I smiled and replied 'yes', and she raised her eyebrows, gave a wry smile and a little sigh, nodded goodbye and walked off. Now I have no idea what was really going through her mind, but there was a definite vibe of 'nutter' I feel. At least I'm a happy nutter though.

My young scribe

2010-06-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

Just been to the 'young scribes' (A's creative writing group) summer party, where my girl read out a poem, a short story and a monologue, all written by her. Very proud Mum here :o)
The standard of all the kids writing was astonishing, the main group is made up of 7 girls between the ages of 10 and 13, with a few little brothers who attended the party as guest readers.
Sadly, the woman who runs it is moving away very shortly, but hopefully the parents will keep the group going.

We are back

2010-06-12T03:59:00.000-07:00

Hello!!
Feels like we've been away for months. Had a busy time, mostly fun, visiting and staying with various people down south. Struggles with certain elements, for both of us (yes, I'm being deliberately vague here) but hopefully we'll learn from it. All in all a good holiday with lots of happy times and good people.

Started off in London with my oldest friend - M, (she's not old - I've just known her a long time!), a lovely, lovely person, who put us up for a weekend. Its always easy with M, we don't actually keep in touch very much, occasionally email, but whenever we meet up we seem to slot back into that old friendship as if we'd just seen each other last week. Very much on the same wavelength.
On the Sunday the three of us went into town, firstly to the V&A, then to see 'Stomp' in the West end. Really enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how they would make a show out of what is basically a load of grubby looking men banging stuff (which incidentally is one of my favourite fantasies) but it was very slick and clever, and also very funny.

I haven't got too many photos this time, but here are a few from the V&A :

Some squashed trumpets etc hanging from the ceiling

A strange glass sculpture

This is my favourite - its title is "Guts"

Glass lollipops

Some vases

Pancakes!!!

2010-05-15T04:51:00.001-07:00

I haven't made pancakes for years, I always (unnecessarily) associate them with eggs so just don't bother, but this book inspired me to give them a go. Very, very delicious, especially with the rhubarb puree I made, perfect combination!

This past week has seemed to speed by, quite alarming, I suppose that means I'm getting old.

Rehearsals are well under way for A's drama group production. She's getting a little nervous about it, but has learnt her lines well and is definitely enjoying the group. There's a week long summer school in July with the group, which A is quite keen to attend. I can see a real boost in her confidence since joining the group.

Guides has been another good move - she's been to about five sessions now, and has enjoyed every one. It doesn't seem to be very organised, I never went to Guides but I had this image of girls working towards different badges and completing various challenges. All A seems to have done so far is play sports out in the field. Not that I have a problem with this - if she enjoys it and it works for her then that's great, and they definitely seem to be a friendly group, the 'working as a team' thing is obviously emphasised.

We went off to an interesting exhibition of Renaissance drawings at the Moray Art Centre yesterday, A wrote in the visitors book that she found it 'very inspiring'. Some good classes go on there too, we must keep an eye on their courses listings.
While we were there we bumped into a parent from A's old school, and in conversation it came up that we were home educating. We ended up having a long chat as she has been thinking about home educating her son but is a bit unsure at the moment. It felt really good to be able to offer some insights from our experience of the past two years, and also how we see the future with HE. I actually felt like I knew what I was talking about (rare for me!), which showed me how far we've come. I'm feeling less that I have to justify everything and reassure people that I'm not a feckless neglectful parent, and more comfortable in our choices, because you only have to spend a couple of minutes with A to see that she's flourishing. I gave the woman my phone number and said to phone if she wanted to talk more, which she seemed quite keen to do, so we'll see what they decide.

This may be my last post for a while, as we're off on holiday on Thursday (yipee!!). We're going down to London first, then visiting a few other places to see friends and family, and will be gone for about 3 weeks. Prepare yourselves for lots of photos on our return!!!
I don't feel I'm organised at all, this weekend I'm focusing on work as I have a piece on learning styles that I need to finish before we go, and I just know that the beginning of the week will be a blur of rushing around madly trying to get things in order. I'm making lists, which is a good start, but they inevitably get lost or hidden under piles of magazines/paperwork/books. Oh well, we have our train tickets, and places to stay, so I guess we'll be ok :o)

Edinburgh

2010-05-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

Just had a wonderful couple of days down in Edinburgh :o)
Had a FAB conference to go to on Wednesday, so I went down on Tuesday and stayed overnight at a hotel (A stayed up here with Granny).
Spent a couple of hours enjoying the art_gallery on Tuesday afternoon, then had a delicious meal in this restaurant.
The conference itself was really interesting, entitled: Nutrition for Learning, Behaviour and Mood. Some fantastic speakers, lots of evidence and information I can use in my writing, in fact its really inspired me to write more on nutrition. It has also challenged some of my fundemental beliefs about my own diet, and left me in a bit of a quandry about that, but thats for me to try and get my head around :o/

Some pics from my hotel room window:

I'm refusing to blog anything about the election - I cast my vote, we've discussed various issues and followed whats going on, but I find the whole thing too depressing for words.

Thanks to lovely Hannah we made this today:

It caught our eye when we were looking at her blog, and A was very keen to make one ('keen' about maths - whats going on?!?) I think it appeals because of the colours and shape - the 'artyness' of it. It can be used the same way as the multiplication square, but I'm thinking (hoping) that because it appeals in a visual way it might have more impact on taking in the info. Whatever works!

We also rediscovered a story we started writing together well over a year ago (in fact it might be more like two years!). We had done character descriptions, including drawings, as well as planning the skeleton of the story, then put it all in a folder and put it away in a drawer. Once we reminded ourselves of what we'd done previously the story started flowing, and we got a few pages down. Hopefully it wont be another two years before we get it out again!

We Must Go Swimming More Often

2010-05-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

A was dropped off at Nonna's for the weekend this morning, where she will get time with her grandparents, and also get the chance to see her little half siblings. She doesn't see them very often (the littl'uns), and always looks forward to it. She really enjoys the big sister role, and is very good at it too - very patient and caring.

So I have the weekend to myself. I suppose I really should work, but I feel that the last couple of weeks have been so hectic workwise that I might just relax and enjoy my own company for a while.

We managed to get to the swimming pool on Friday. I am in a perpetual state of guilt when it comes to swimming. A can sort of swim, but is not confident out of her depth, and I really wish she was. I have tried in the past - sent her to lessons when she was five, but by the third lesson she sat sobbing in the changing room because she hated it so much and I felt like a heartless mummy-monster, so they stopped. A couple of years later I organised one-to-one lessons, but she had a different instructor each week, which was a bit rubbish, and when I watched one of them spend most of A's 'lesson' chatting up young girls it really pissed me off. So that didn't last long either. A has never wanted to attend lessons (I think her first experience put her off), although she does enjoy going to the pool.
So we now visit the pool sporadically, with me repeatedly saying "we must go swimming more often" but failing to actually make it happen. Thing is, I know if we went more often she would improve, I'm sure it wouldn't take much. But the truth is, I just don't like going swimming. The hassle of getting there, the indignity of wearing a swimming costume, the wet hair, the stinking changing rooms, and possibly on some level the memory of being called out of the pool over the PA system to a phonecall telling me my dad had died, then having to drag a protesting 4-year-old A out to get dressed and go up to the hospital and meet my Mum. All of that. Or maybe I'm just lazy. As a 'good' parent I'm sure I should put all that aside and put my child first.
Anyway, we must go swimming more often...

Deadlines

2010-04-28T10:01:00.001-07:00

(Work) deadlines are looming. And Granny is away. This means I didn't get my usual day and a half child-free 'work' time this week. I was a little stressed about how this was going to pan out, but I shouldn't have worried - A has been brilliant, and I think quite enjoyed proving to me that she's more than capable of self direction.

Yesterday she got loads done, she decided on a couple of activites she wanted to do, and I asked her if she would also write up the red cabbage experiment we did last week. I gave her some instructions about how to write up a science experiment, but (of course!) what she came up with was far more interesting and creative than the boring old formula I would have used. I just want to share the introduction and conclusion with you, as they really made me smile:

Introduction

Hello, my name is Professor H---. Me and my apprentice KittyRae (me apparently) decided to do this experiment because it sounded like a chance for our big brains to shine and our hands to get dirty and everybody enjoys that. We also wanted to find out what pHs are for certain items around the house (pHs are a way of telling acids and bases apart). We were also able to learn lots more about chemistry and that was great!

Conclusion

Our experiment was successful!

We found out that laundry liquid and indigestion tablets pH are around 9 and orange and lemon juices are 5-6, wow! Our brains are going to explode with all this knowledge!

Today she has spent hours reading (!!!) This is because her library book, which she wasn't even half way through this morning, is due back tomorrow, and I casually said she'd have to renew it as there's no way she'd finish it by then. She finished it this afternoon :o)

We also did a 'photoshoot' for the maths article I'm just finishing off. I don't know if they'll actually use the photos, but we had fun anyway.

Last Friday we had a wicked shopping day in the big city (thats Inverness. I was being sarcastic). Met up with lovely Nonna for lunch, and bought some exciting stuff including curling tongs -

Sewing going on

2010-04-21T04:10:00.001-07:00

A is getting to grips with her sewing machine. Although when things go wrong she leaves it to me to swear at it, fiddle about with it, then finally google up a solution.

She's made a few of these little lavender bags, but now has gathered quite a lot of scrap material and has big plans for some clothes. Transforming the designs from paper to reality is going to be quite a steep learning curve I think, but she's up for the challenge.

Red Cabbage Experiment

2010-04-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

A drew up a schedule for Friday. I was a little apprehensive as it was a very long list, but it worked brilliantly. She did have to cut things out as the day went on, but that was ok. Our main activity for the day was pH indicator-making with a red cabbage:

The cabbage was first chopped...

then boiled for ten minutes

Meanwhile, several household substances were gathered

Once the cabbage water had been drained and cooled, it was distributed between 10 glass containers (I knew all those jars I was hoarding would come in handy one day!)

Then A added a different substance to each jar - recording how much was added and any differences occuring to the cabbage water.

And here are the results - A has estimated the pH of each substance based on how blue or red the cabbage water turned.

Next came the 'experimental healthy biscuits', this involved chucking a load of vaguely healthy ingredients together, shaping into biscuit shapes and baking.

They weren't at all bad actually.

Other activities included:

another crime scene investigation project, this time looking at DNA evidence
writing a short story in 20 minutes
online maths assessment on multiplication (she got 10 out of 10 - yay!!)
'geograball' - a game A made up with her Granny which involves throwing a ball at each other and naming countries/cities beginning with A/B/C etc
piano practice
smoothie making session

We ended the day with pizza-making, and both felt very satisfied with our day. Its great to see A so motivated, she seems to be entering a new phase (or something) where she's taking much more responsibility for her own learning.

The art session with the HE group went really well, I think A was quite inspired by the artist taking the session, and had a good look at her website when we got home.

A had her first night at Guides on Thursday. She was extremely nervous about it, worrying that she wouldn't know anyone, but as it turned out she already knew a couple of the girls, and was put into their patrol, so she came home with a big smile, keen to go back next week.

So all good then. I'm off to the pub tonight - haven't done that for ages. I think I'm in a lager mood tonight...

"Science is not really my thing"

2010-04-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

So says A.
But we had one of those wonderful, flowing, 'home education at its most effective' afternoons last week.

It started off with a request from A to solve one of the crimes in this book:

which involved looking at corrosive liquids and what they can do to aluminium drinks cans. This led on to her asking what the hell pH levels were all about. I explained the best I could, but she still looked a bit puzzled, so I dug out this book:

which had a perfect little section on pH levels, including an experiment involving a red cabbage where you make your own pH indicator. I have bought a red cabbage and that is on our to do list for this week.

What made me smile most of all was the fact that she kept going back to the chemistry book all that evening. Sat in front of the TV at about 9.30 that night she started asking me about the periodic table. That was the point I thought to myself 'why did I not pay more attention in chemistry class?'. (The answer to that is we had a very creepy chemistry teacher so I gave the subject up at the earliest opportunity, ie age 13, but thats a whole other story). But anyway, we talked and read a bit about the periodic table, and both learnt a bit more.
She still says science is 'not her thing', but at least she's open to being interested in parts of it. I hated science at school because it was 'boring'. It actually was very boring because of the way it was taught, and I shut off from that subject completely.
Fast forward a few years and guess where I was working? In a medical science lab. I loved this environment, it suited me perfectly, but because I'd switched off from science at school I had to enter at the most junior level and never really made a career of it. I know I could have done if I'd put the work in, but it all seemed too hard and other parts of 'grown-up' life got in the way too much. I cant help feeling that if I'd had the right teacher, teaching in a more interesting way I would have realised how much I enjoy science much earlier on and it would have been a viable option for me.

On to something that definitely is A's 'thing' - art. This is her latest drawing:

We are off to an art session with the home ed group tomorrow, really looking forward to that. Haven't been to a group meet for quite a while, a bit nerve-wracking for me with my crap social skills, but A will love it, which is the main point of course.

Busy week all round this one - various appointments, back to drama and piano, and A is finally getting to start Guides. She's a little apprehensive but I'm hoping it will work out well for her.

The stressful situation I'm in just now is ongoing, cant say much more, but I am doing something positive about the way I'm coping with it all.

My article!

2010-04-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

'Reading Matters' - its available here - have a look! There's even a horrible little photo/bio thing about me at the front. All very exciting (if you're me).

On a completely different subject, I was so pleased to hear that the legislation going through Parliament regarding HE in England has been ditched, for now anyway. I have avoided posting much at all on this, partly because I don't feel confident that I know what I'm on about, but mainly because there are many people out there blogging so articulately and passionately that I didn't feel I could add anything of any worth. But I have been quietly following whats been going on and contributing in ways I could - petitions and responses etc.

Politically the whole issue has thrown up such a lot for me. I used to feel very sure about where I stood on the political spectrum - very much to the left - but I am no longer clear on this. Right wing views are still abhorrent to me, particularly when it comes to economics and trade, but in a lot of other areas too. However, the left (not that we really have a left left, if that makes sense) no longer seems the obvious answer. The older I get the more confused I feel about it all.

Today we took advantage of the sunshine and went out on our bikes. All the way there (along the river, past the caravan park by the beach, into the large woods at Culbin) the sun was shining beautifully, when we turned to come back we got wind, rain and hail. Lovely. We arrived home filthy and soaked, but I still felt better for it.

Here's a little pic of our 'bike cave', much cheaper and more convenient than putting up a shed, although it needs the bench in front of it to stop it blowing over in high winds!

I have noticed A talking to herself a lot just lately, when I eavesdropped I realised she was practicing her lines for the play she's going to be in with her drama group - based on A Midsummer Night's Dream. She has the part of Bottom, which means she will get a chance to reveal her comedic talents! I cant wait :o)

Right, I'm off to email the link to my article to everyone I know, whether they're interested or not.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T06:10:00.001-07:00

- not that we celebrate Easter, but A will shamelessly feign enthusiasm for any religious festival if it involves chocolate.

I made these gorgeous looking cupcakes in honour of A's lovely mad Auntie and her equally lovely (but less mad) partner who are visiting us later today. I still haven't decided whether or not to have one myself as I am currently on a diet (how sad am I?). There will probably be bullying and arm twisting, I don't think it will take much.

So where did that week go?

2010-03-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

I feel exhausted a the moment, struggling with trying to support a friend, not sleeping at all well, and feeling pretty stressed a lot of the time. However, home ed life goes on and we have managed to do some good stuff too.

Went ice-skating Thursday (well, the kids went on the ice while my friend and I sat shivering and drinking horrible coffee). I discovered when we got to the rink that this was the day for the home ed group's regular lesson - a fact I had forgotten as A had never shown any interest in attending - so it was really nice to see some familiar faces, one in particular I hadn't seen for ages, and A got to see a couple of the older girls she gets on well with.

Friday was good, despite the grey weather. We went to visit a lovely family we know through the home ed group, had some lunch together and the girls played. We got out for a short walk but it was very damp and dreary, hopefully we'll go back in the summer and get out with them as they live in a beautiful area.

Saturday was difficult. 'Nuff said I think.

Yesterday A went off round to Granny's and I had a work day, although I didn't get as much done as I'd hoped due to my frazzled brain worrying away. Still, exciting things are happening in my world of work - an article about to be published (I will put a link up when its out) and I'm working on a couple more. I'm not likely to make my fortune any time soon, but things are going in the right direction.

Reading at the table...

2010-03-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

...is very rude.

We don't give a monkey's.

Times Tables, anyone?

2010-03-18T03:24:00.000-07:00

I'm back to worrying about maths.

For the past few months we've been using smartkiddies - an Australian online programme (with a crap name). It has worked really well for A, and I've supplemented it with other materials I've picked up along the way from various sources, linking in to the area she's working on.

The only part she hasn't got on very with with are the timed challenges, put her under any time pressure with maths and she panics and cant think straight. She has completed some of these, but I haven't pushed her because I'd much rather she understood the processes and how to work things out than give her the message that you have to be quick to be good at maths.

We have now reached the multiplication section, and it seems to be expected that all children must learn their times tables off by heart. I know this is what she would have to do in school, and she did when she was at school, but I have big reservations about this approach. We have gone through all the tables and looked at the patterns within them and ways of working out the answers, and she can do that, but I have not made her learn them by heart.

Most people I speak to about this seem to see times tables as a necessary evil, and the only way of teaching kids the basics of multiplication. I don't really agree with this, but am starting to doubt myself. I've been having a few of those 'am I doing this all wrong?' moments, which are fairly familiar as a home edder.

My problem with times tables is - it is learning by rote, which goes against my general approach anyway, and means there isn't necessarily any understanding behind it. A child could repeat all their times tables perfectly but not be able to work out the answer. I know this is not very likely as kids get taught the processes alongside learning them off by heart, but it seems that learning them by rote is just a way of getting to the answer quicker. Which brings us back to this idea that you have to be quick to be good at maths (am I going round in circles here?).

I suppose I could drill A everyday in her tables, and she would learn them eventually, but I worry that it would take her back to that deep, deep hatred of maths (rather than the dislike we have progressed to) and feelings of inadequacy because she's no 'good' (ie quick) at maths. My gut feeling is that it just wouldn't suit her way of learning, she finds rote learning very boring (unless its learning lines for a play, because she's connecting into the performance for that) and will just switch off. She needs that connection of understanding and application to 'real life'.

However, we are trying a little experiment. A has realised herself that she has particular problems with the 7 times table, so we have written it out on a big piece of paper and put it on her bedroom wall. She is going to approach it like learning lines, and keep going over them. It will be interesting to see how she gets on with this, it may work because the idea (although suggested by me) has come from her own realisations about her strengths and weaknesses, and a desire on her part to improve. We shall see...

I'd be really interested to hear anyone else's experiences in this area - please feel free to give me your opinions and examples of what has/hasn't worked for you and your child/ren :o)

Mother's Day

2010-03-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

After an emotionally exhausting Saturday (nothing to do with A - I spent a lot of time with a very troubled friend) I was treated to a day of pampering on Sunday :o) Just what I needed.

I was woken to flowers, chocolates and a cup of tea, followed by breakfast in bed. Then I came downstairs to find a lovely hot bath with candles and a drink on the side.

Tulips - my favourite

bath with scattered lavender & candlesposh juice!

We went over to Granny's for a cup of tea and to give her a present, then it was back home for massages, make-up and nail painting.

We rounded off the day by going for a curry with Granny - perfect.

I just need to say - I REALLY appreciate my lovely girl.

Hope all you mums out there had a great day too.

I am - most definitely - back

2010-03-10T04:54:00.000-08:00

OK, enough with the blog break. It didn't work. Even if no one reads it or wants to know what I think or what we're doing, I have to blog.

I have been motivated today, by some positive news on the work front, to give myself a good kick up the arse and stop being so lazy. I cant use the 'not enough time' line as an excuse - there is NEVER enough time to do everything I want to, thats how my life is. Truth is, I like blogging, I enjoy it, and I've missed it.

I think there may be changes in the way I blog, it has evolved along the way in any case, its bound to. I'm toying with ideas about changing the name and how it looks, but am not sure yet. I think a slight change in perspective may occur, posting more about me and work, but then my life is still predominantly about parent/home ed stuff, so not that much of a change perhaps.

I am going to try to be more honest here. I think I've held back on a lot of issues because I'm not sure who's reading and don't want to upset anyone. A bit ridiculous really, why should I care? Its my blog.

Anyway, here is a little update on some of the things we've been up to:

went to the science festival at a local college with our HE group. A bit stressful for me as I had been the contact for the group, so lots of emailing to and fro, but all went well on the day and we learnt about volcanoes, made solar power models with K'nex, and met lots of creepy crawlies.

went for a loooong bike ride in the sunshine.

watched and discussed a programme called 'American Hate' about the Black Panthers - their history, and the current 'new' Black Panthers. We're going to watch the second part, about the Ku Klux Klan, sometime soon.

A wrote a letter and drew a picture to send to the African child her Granny is sponsoring

A created some more fashion designs for her label

We discussed and researched setting up our own shop on Folksy - watch this space!!

Talked to Nonno and Nonna about our plans for Italy next year - they are taking us to meet some of A's family out there.

Lots of maths, English, piano, drama, art, singing, laughing, eating of cake....I could go on...

Marbling

2010-02-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

Big thanks to Hannah for this idea -

we had great fun with it this afternoon, and now have some lovely cards.

some great films

2010-02-19T05:18:00.000-08:00

I took A to see three films this week, as part of the Take_One_Action film festival tour - 'bringing together people and movies that want to change the world'.

The first one we saw was HOME (available online), which A described as 'beautiful and horrible at the same time'. The images are truly beautiful - shot from the air in around fifty different coutries. It really brings home how amazing and wonderful our planet is, and how small our particular part of it is. The commentary, in some ways, is the 'horrible' bit, but its an unavoidable and truthful horror. The details of what is happening to our world's ecosystem are given in facts and statistics, some scary and shocking. But it does end with a positive tone, pushing the notion that we can change things.

We then saw Food,Inc which was an expose of the American food industry. It was very hard-hitting, and some of the scenes of slaughter houses and factory farming conditions were too awful for A to watch. I find it really scary how much power these massive corporations have, and the misery they can cause to both humans and animals.

Last night we went to see The_Yes_Men_Fix_The_World which we both absolutely loved. A fantastic film - hilarious, inspiring, anger-inducing, I really admire people who can do this stuff. Their blog gives this description:
"Impersonating big-time criminals in order to publicly humiliate them. Our targets are leaders and big corporations who put profits ahead of everything else."
The stunts they pulled off were incredible, like posing as a Dow Chemical spokesperson on the BBC World news channel and announcing that they take full responsibility for the Bhopal Disaster and will finally clean up and compensate those affected.
One bit that stuck in my mind was when one of the various members of right-wing/business think tanks who were interviewed gave his opinion on global warming. I'm paraphrasing greatly here, as I cant remember his exact words, but it was along the lines of: its good, because warmer is more pleasant.
Wow. The lack of any kind of depth of thinking or intelligent reflection behind his statement was astonishing. And these are the kind of people influencing policy. Explains a lot.

Still here...

2010-02-12T04:26:00.000-08:00

Felt it was time for a blog post.
A has gone off to an all day party today, so I've got a whole day to myself. I've kind of missed blogging, so thought I'd take this opportunity to write a few words.

I dropped A off at the swimming pool at 11 this morning, and am picking her up from her friend's at 8pm. She was really nervous about it, the friend is someone she used to go to ballet with ages ago, and they've kind of kept up with each other through email. She did come over here last week, but before that they hadn't actually seen each other for a couple of years, and A wont really know any of the other girls at the party (she knows a couple of them from her old school, but they weren't in her class and she hasn't seen them for ages either). Anyway, understandably she was quite apprehensive, but also really wanted to go. I felt sick when I left her at the swimming pool - I don't think it matters how old they get, you always feel for them so intensely. And I know she'll be fine - I'm 99.9% sure they'll all get on well and she'll have a great time, but there's still that 0.1% fear that it will all go wrong. Well its 12.40 now and I haven't heard from her, so maybe I should just relax :0)

Things seem to be coming together a bit more with (the dreaded) maths. We have been using this Australian site, I even paid for the year as A seemed to like it so much, and its been a really good way for her to chart her progress. She just does about 20 - 30 minutes most days, and it seems to suit her way of learning. There are lots of games, some very short 'tutorials', and worksheets to print out - enough of a variety of things not to get boring. She struggled a bit with the timed assessments, just the idea of being timed stresses her out, but it doesn't matter how many times you attempt them. And it really proves to her when she completes them that she is not as crap at maths as she thinks. There are also lots of other activities - things you can 'buy' with your points, and each student has their own character they can design.
To be honest its not the sort of site I had imagined using, but it really does seem to work for A, and when it comes to maths I'll use whatever works!

A had a bit of a mini crisis this week, which was very interesting for both of us.
I had dropped her off for choir at her old school, but it turned out choir was cancelled, so she called me to go back for her. On the way home she ended up in tears, saying she wanted to go back to school and that she really missed it. I had to take a deep breath and try not to react too much, as this immediately sent me into a head space I really didn't want to be in - ie I made the wrong decision about HE. So I stayed calm, and fairly quiet, and we considered the options together. As it happens, things are better for us financially now (lack of money was the main reason for taking her out of school), but not enough for me to afford fees for the next five years. We talked about what a shame it is the school isn't open to flexi-schooling, as I could possibly manage to fund that. We talked about the local schools, which neither of us are keen on.
When she was a bit calmer she told me what had prompted the upset - one of her 'friends' up at the school while waiting for me to go back for her had been winding her up and generally playing manipulative mind games along the lines of: why did you leave the school?/don't you want to be here with us?/you will lose all your friends here/people wont like you any more because you left.
This is not unusual or surprising from this particular girl. However, I happen to know that this girl is having an extremely hard time at home just now, and while that doesn't excuse what she did, it did help to discuss that with A, and give her another perspective - ie that sadly the girl's way of dealing with difficulties seems to be to hurt other people.
About an hour after we got home I had to take A off to drama, and as she got out of the car she said 'don't worry about earlier - I was just having a 'moment', I don't really want to go back to school at all, I love home ed'. It was such a relief to hear that! Apart from anything else I don't think I could face going back and dealing with all those people - I would do it for A's sake, but I would hate it.

The whole episode brought up a couple of things. Firstly, there is still the issue of 'friends' and the fact that A doesn't feel she sees enough of them. Her going to a few group activities now has definitely helped, and with drama in particular she really enjoys being part of a team, but she still seems to need more. She's really keen on joining guides now, but we're still waiting for a place to come up :0( I'm also looking into sending her to art lessons at another local independent school, who are open to that kind of flexi-schooling, as I think she needs more guidance than I can give in this subject, so thats a possible opportunity for more socialising. Its a real shame there's not a more cohesive, close-knit HE group in our area, but thats mainly down to the fact that we are in the Highlands and eveyone is so spread out. I don't know of any other HEors in our town.
A more positive upshot of the whole incident was the way we both handled it, and what that says about our relationship. I can imagine, if I was feeling hassled or rushed, reacting very differently. I hate to admit it, but I think I could have quite easily gone on the defensive, thinking 'oh god, don't tell me that!' and come out with all the reasons she couldn't go back to school. Instead I listened, and seriously considered what she was saying, and she felt heard. This is one time where I actually feel I can say I got it right :0)

A has requested a project about pregnancy and childbirth, as she feels she doesn't know enough about them, so after a trip to the library and finding very little appropriate material, I bought this and this for us to use. So will be starting that very soon.

We had a lovely little exercise this week, suggested by A - we visited a new vegan deli/coffee shop in our town (so excited about that!!!) and both wrote reviews about the place. They were glowing :0))

Blog break

2010-01-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about this for the last week or so, and have decided its time for a break from educational escapades.

A few reasons for this - firstly, now I am working part time I seem to have so little time to sit and ponder at the computer, which is a real shame, but thats the way it has to be just now. I have this constant feeling that I'm not doing enough 'work', and there is always stuff to do.
Secondly, a lot of the time I'm struggling to find something to say. Not sure why this is - maybe because I'm using my writing skills in other areas and am exhausting them, or maybe its to do with how I'm approaching it, and related to my first reason - ie I'm rushing and its become a bit of a chore.
Thirdly, part of the reason I started the blog was to keep an overview on what we are doing and achieving, and 18 months in I'm a lot more relaxed about this aspect. I know we are doing 'enough' and I'm much more confident about the education A is getting.

I could go into lots of other reasons that have gone through my head, but I fear it would get quite boring.

Anyway, I'm hoping this wont be permanent - if I get my act together and improve on my time management I may get back into posting regularly, and I may post now and again little bits and pieces, but for now I wont be around much.

Thankyou to the followers and regular readers and commenters, its been great to have some feedback on what we're doing, I really appreciate it. I'll still be popping in to other blogs when I can because I love the HE blogging community, its been so helpful and supportive to me. Its so important when you're seemingly surrounded by people who think you're insane for HEing, to find people out there who understand and are also making it work for their kids.

So, bye for now!! X

Happy Birthday A!!!

2010-01-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

Today, A is 11.

She's having a few 'birthdays' this year - today with me; Sunday with her friends; next week with Granny (who is away just now); and at the end of the month with Nonna and Nonno when she goes to stay with them. Lucky girl :0)

We had fun today, a leisurely morning, out for lunch, a visit to see some friends, then it was back to drama class for A - something she had really been looking forward to. She's a happy girl and says its been the best birthday so far in her life.

11 seems like such a milestone to me, maybe because of how things changed for me when I was 11. I changed, grew up, an awful lot the year I was 11. I expect it had a lot to do with going up to secondary school, but I remember it being quite a drastic change. I discovered all sorts of new things when I was 11: the clash; smoking; boys; black eyeliner. My relationship with my parents also transformed, not in a good way. I can remember feeling a real shift away from them, and there was a lot of antagonism and resentment during the following few years. I'm pretty sure I wasn't a very nice person to be around.
I suppose this is why I have feelings of trepidation around A turning 11. Even though I know A is not me, and our relationship is very different to mine with my parents, I know that she will over the next few years move away from me and into her own world. Its not really the moving away that worries me, more the possibility of her shutting off from me and losing our connection.

I know I should stop looking for potential problems, always been my way - imagine the worst then at least you wont be disappointed!

I am very proud of A, of who she is and who she is becoming.

Some of A's presents

A slice of our day

2010-01-07T03:54:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at the computer, having a look at the badscience website (well worth a look), its about 11.50am.
A has been in her room all morning, took just an apple in there about 2 and a half hours ago for breakfast, informing me she was tidying her room.
She comes downstairs and picks up the stepladder.

Me: Are you going to have a bath now? Its just that we need to get out to the shops at some point, I thought we could go soon...

A looks around distractedly for a minute, then gives a big sigh

A: You know that artist, who locked himself away in a room?

Me: No, who's that then?

A: You know, the one who locked himself in a room so that he could create his masterpiece without interruption

Me: Oh, are you doing some artwork now? I thought you were tidying your room.

A: Well I was, but I finished and now I'm messing it up again

Me: By doing some art?

A: Yes

And off she went with the stepladder.

Thank-you letters

2010-01-05T02:44:00.000-08:00

I had reminded A several times yesterday that thank-you notes needed to be written quite soon for all the lovely Christmas presents she'd got, and she eventually took some up with her to write when she went to bed.
When I went in to switch her light off before I went to bed I had a look, and thought I was going to wake her up with my laughter!
She's letting me put a couple here:

Dear _ and _,

Thank-you very much for the green crafts book, paint by numbers, socks and the vouchers. They will all be really fun, complicated, warm and spent!

To _

Thank-you very much for the ten pounds which I'm saving up for something good, and the beautiful top I'm wearing so much its a little bit smelly!

Love that girl :0)

Art

2010-01-02T08:59:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to share some of A's marvellous artwork:

I may be biased, but I think she's rather good :0)

Christmas Day

2009-12-26T03:58:00.001-08:00

We had a lovely long walk along the river and on the beach.

A and Granny

Snowy mountains across the Moray Firth

The best present in the world!!

Christmas dinner :0)

HAPPY SOLSTICE!!!

2009-12-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

Went sledging this morning, then came back for this:

Snow!!

2009-12-20T14:54:00.000-08:00

Woke up to this loveliness-

And here are mummy snow and baby snow-

Had a fantastic time playing out in the snow, including a snowball fight that went on for over an hour! (I won by the way - I'm much more devious than A).

Then we came in and had an afternoon of quizzes - out came the quiz_box from last year - we had general knowledge quizzes; staring contests; and a humming 'name that tune' quiz (A won this!).

I feel like I have done nothing but laugh today :0))

A decided this evening at about 9 o'clock to do some work on her Joanne Harris booklet - a while ago I suggested she do some research and produce a piece of work on an author she liked, this was just an attempt on my part to give A a bit of a challenge and get her to produce something she felt proud of. I was quite surprised at her choice of author, and impressed. Anyway, I love the fact that she was still working away after 10 o'clock, by choice, on something she was clearly enjoying.

I spent this evening pulling together my 'evidence' to send off to the job centre - surprise surprise - a couple of days after my last posting I got the letter through requesting self employment evidence for In Work Credit! Feeling more or less ok about it now, I just tidied up and updated my 'work diary' that I had tried to keep, and I also have invoices for the payments I have received and my paying in book for my work bank account, so hopefully that will be all they need. Mandy's comments after my last post certainly helped put my mind at ease - thanks for that!

Work

2009-12-16T05:27:00.001-08:00

Thought I'd do a little post about work, as I've not mentioned it much since I went self employed, and I know that from a home ed point of view there are others considering self employment who might be interested.

Generally - going quite well.
One of the things I'm having to get used to is switching focus/roles. Because of the way we operate, A spends a day or two a week with my Mum, as well as going off to clubs and friends to play. I'm not always sure exactly when she is going to return, especially from my Mum's, and I like to leave it fairly open for her to decide so that she doesn't feel like she's being offloaded and feels like she has some control over whats happening and how she spends her time. I work from home, but it is still A's home and its important she knows she can be here if she wants/needs to be, even if I'm working.
Its really important to me to be flexible, this is one of the main reasons I don't feel I could work in a conventional job with fixed hours and be the parent I want to be. Its also one of the problems I'd have with A being in school - the same rigid structure of how you spend your time. Sometimes its really important for a child to have time with their parent. There may be an obvious reason - if they are upset about something - or there may not. There may be periods where they need lots of this time, and other periods where they don't seem to need it at all. Above all, it is not predictable, it cannot be fitted into a schedule or routine.
I want to be available for as many of these 'times' as possible, because once they've gone - your child buries or hides that need - they are lost.
I know some who would accuse me of 'spoiling' my child by seeking to be available like this, or of failing to teach her about the reality of the world - that you cant get everything you want when you want. I disagree. I want my child to know that she is important to me, and I want to connect with her as much as possible. Materially she certainly doesn't get everything she wants, but time and love are not things I am going to purposely deny her just to teach her about how shitty the world can be, she'll learn that through experience I'm sure.
Anyway - getting back to the point about switching focus - what I'm having to do is put aside work if A seems to need me, and grab opportunities to pick up work while she is out or otherwise occupied. I have to admit, abandoning something I'm working on and leaving it in a pile for later is not always easy. Giving up trying to read through something because A is nattering in my ear, and turning my attention to what she is actually saying, without resentment, is not always easy. But it is getting easier. Its not an ideal way to work, but I am a parent first, so this is the way it must be.

Another issue I'm struggling with at times is: how do I prove that I'm working?
Now, I know that I am doing at least 16 hours a week 'work', but not all of it is paid work. As a freelancer I am trying to build things up, and a lot of time and effort goes into work that may never be commissioned. I do have some fairly regular clients, and there are more possibilities in the pipeline, but how to demonstrate this?
Maybe I don't need to worry about this, but I know that while I am receiving Working Tax Credits and - more importantly - In Work Credit, there will come a point when I will receive a form in the post asking for 'evidence', and the type of 'evidence' they will want is probably not the sort I can give them. I can give them bank statements and invoices showing payments I have received, but if they add it all up it wont come to 16 hours paid work a week. How do I document all the hours on the computer researching magazines/planning, researching and writing articles/brainstorming ideas/writing emails to editors/detailing my talents on listing sites/interviewing potential subjects of articles/studying books on freelance journalism?
I could tell them I've done these things, but what evidence can I give?
I gave up trying to write down hours I've worked as its all so bitty and irregular, so I cant give them a nice, neat timetable of what I've been working on, which is what they would like I'm sure.
I suppose I'll just have to wait for that form to come through the door and deal with it then. I'm just dreading having to phone them and try to explain my dilemma - I've had dealings with the centralised job centre before and it was NOT fun, they have their boxes to tick and anything outside that is just not recognised. Now I'm just depressing myself!!

This was going to be a short post - ha!
I don't want to end here with that negative stuff - the truth is I am really enjoying my work, and am very glad I went self employed. There are worries, and moments of panic still, but looking at the bigger picture I know I am working towards something for a better future. I know I will overcome the difficulties. It might not ever make me wealthy, but I am doing something I have always wanted to do, something I enjoy. Thats the best kind of job I reckon.

Christmas hearts - for Sally

2009-12-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

Sally was asking about how we made our Christmas hearts - they are not difficult, just a little bit fiddly. I hope this photo helps explain the process:

we cut out a red and green piece of felt as shown above - I used a cardboard template as you can see, just to make sure they were exactly the same size and shape (which is quite important for the next step).
Once we'd cut the two slits, we weaved the two pieces together (the fiddly bit!), then pinned them to keep them in place, then sewed along the edges.
Lastly, we sewed on some sequins (not shown in this pic), punched a hole in the top and tied on a ribbon.

The girl's social whirl

2009-12-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

A was singing at her old school's Christmas Market with the choir yesterday, very enjoyable to watch and listen to. She then disappeared with a gang of mates while I caught up with a couple of people and did some shopping. After a couple of hours I was ready to go, but A wasn't! Luckily another parent offered to bring her home later on, so I left her there.

She had a great time, as far as I can tell the group (about six or seven of them - girls and boys - all 11/12ish) did their own thing, including going off to the local shops, while the parents were involved in running stalls etc. This kind of thing is happening more and more often, and to me it feels positive, if a bit weird. She really is growing up.

Today she has gone off to the cinema with a couple of the friends she was with yesterday (with their parent - apart from anything else the nearest cinema is 15 miles away).

I have to say I am really enjoying seeing her burgeoning independence, and the self confidence that clearly follows. We seem to have entered into a new phase of this, which I think is partly a result of all the new group activities she is involved in. The latest of these - the creative writing group - is fantastic, and I'm sure will do wonders for her confidence.

OH NO!!

2009-12-03T03:34:00.000-08:00

Received this in my viva parcel yesterday:

I can see that my new year weight-loss plan (for when I've finished all the chocolate I've ordered in for Christmas!) is just not going to happen!!!

Crafty TV day

2009-11-29T01:58:00.000-08:00

This is what we're having today - in front of the box, working on this years Christmas project (see below). We have about 22 of these to make and send off with cards (we've made the cards already - we usually do that in January!). So far we've made 8, but not all of those have the sequins sewn on yet, so today we really need to crack on.

A's concert went very well last week, and she really enjoyed performing. There are another couple of carol singing gigs coming up with the choir, so she's all excited about that. One of them is at her old school's Christmas Market, and the other is at the big shopping centre in Inverness.
We have also discovered that there is a local children's creative writing group, so A is going to go along on Monday and see how she gets on. She knows a couple of the girls who go, so that makes it easier I think.

I have been getting a lot of headaches over the last year or two, and just recently had a couple of attacks of a weird visual disturbance - a kind of curved, shimmery blind-spot. This lasts for about 20 minutes and leaves me with a headache and feeling sick and woozy. After a trip to the doctor I have discovered that I suffer from migraines, or 'ocular migraines' to be more precise. In a way it is a relief, as I had myself all worked up about brain tumours etc, but I just hope they don't get worse.
At the moment I take ibuprofen when it gets really bad, and the doctor said there were lots of different stronger painkillers I could try if things got worse, but I hate taking pills, and would like to find a more natural remedy. Am thinking of trying acupuncture. Any other suggestions?

Happy Day

2009-11-23T15:15:00.001-08:00

No book-learnin going on here today - had a wonderful long walk in the sunshine, then a huge clearout of our bedrooms, including some furniture shifting. Feels like we have new rooms.
I've done some online Christmas shopping this evening, and have ordered in far too much chocolate (vegan_store is a very dangerous site!)*. Also some books and stocking fillers.
*just had an email informing me that the postal charge for our area is £11.99 instead of £4.95 for the rest of the UK - extortionate! How can they justify that? Wont be ordering from them again!!

Here are a few pics from our day:

Forensics

2009-11-18T04:48:00.001-08:00

We went off to Elgin on Monday, to go to the big library, but also with the intention of buying a chemistry set for A. This is what we came home with!

A was so thrilled to find it, her interest in forensic science and detectives is ongoing, and she is currently working on something for the next Quaker children meeting to do with solving crimes (I'm not totally sure what its all about, she had a long meeting with the adult who is taking the meeting and has been working on various bits and pieces for it. All I know for sure is that I have to bake some biscuits for it?!)

Another busy week!

2009-11-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

I really feel I need an extra day in my week.

I was at a conference on Tuesday - 'Immunity From Pandemics: Protecting Yourself & Your Community', put on by the Shen_Foundation . Very interesting stuff with some excellent speakers. In particular Prof_Mark_Harrison from Oxford who spoke about historical perspectives on pandemics; and Dr Zaijin Ren who talked about her extensive experience of flu prevention projects in China, particularly in relation to use of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Meanwhile, Granny took A to see a play - Playing_a_round_with_Shakespeare , which they both enjoyed very much. I'm sad to have missed it myself, it sounded great - very funny apparently.

Choir and drama on Wednesday again - the choir have their first performance next Friday and A is very excited about that, and rehearsals for the drama performance (next month) are developing well. A and her friend are coming up with some great ideas about costumes and slapstick routines for their roles, they make a good comedy duo.

A had her third piano lesson and I am so thrilled with the way its going. Its not so much the level of playing (although she's catching on to things very quickly), but more the way she approaches it and communicates with the teacher. She is showing herself to be a very mature and intelligent young person, and I feel very proud of her.

On Friday we had a home ed group visit to Duff_House , where the children learnt about how it was used as a POW camp during WWII. The activity leader was really good - in character as a soldier, but not too shouty or intimidating. I think the kids had a lot of fun.
A certainly enjoyed it, and also enjoyed seeing a few friends again, particularly the girls who came over to ours a couple of weeks ago. She managed to have a bit of time with them after the group activity, and we're going over to theirs sometime soon.

A has spent this weekend with her Grandparents, and also had the chance to see her little half siblings and their mum. She's not back yet so I don't know how it went, but I'm sure they will have had a lovely time, and Nonna will be exhausted!! (but in a good way).

Films, drama, singing, piano-playing...

2009-11-06T04:31:00.000-08:00

This has been quite a hectic week for us. We saw some films as part of the
national_schools_film_week , the first time we've taken part in this as we were away last year, and the Steiner school A used to go to (unsurprisingly!) never participated. It was very easy to book (online), they had no problem accommodating home educators.
On Monday we saw Kirikou_and_the_Sorceress , a fantastic West African film about a little boy born with the ability to walk and speak. Very different from the usual Disney/Pixar films we're bombarded with.
Tuesday Granny took A to see The_Secret_of_Moonacre , which they both seemed to enjoy.
Yesterday we saw The_Spiderwick_Chronicles , which I found a bit scary, although A didn't. Quite fun though.
Kirikou was definitley my favourite, A says Spiderwick was hers.
A also watched The_Cat_Returns , at home. I only saw tiny bits of as I was too busy to sit and watch it, but it looked really good, and A really liked it. We've seen a few of these Japanese animation films now, and love them.

A is having a great time at her new drama class, and they are preparing for their Christmas show next month. Its so good to see her enjoying drama again, she's been in various drama groups since she was about six and always loved them, but there was a bit of a gap where we couldn't find a suitable one, until a local class started up this August. One of her best friends goes as well, and they usually get together after class for a while, so thats a good arrangement for all.

A has also joined a choir, which I'm delighted about because I've been encouraging her to do this for ages (she has a great voice). Its at her old school, so she knows most of the people already, and is a mixture of adults and children which I think is really good. I drop her there and wait in the car - there's no way you'll get me singing (it would be very unpleasant for all invovled) - which is ok as I get to catch up on some reading for an hour or so.

And... I have managed to find a great piano teacher who lives just round the corner from us! I've been trying to find someone to give A piano lessons for months - asking around a lot etc - so its fabulous to have found someone so near. (I'm having to borrow the car every week for choir now as that is ten miles away and we have to get straight back for drama the same night, so I really didn't want to have to borrow it another night for another class.) The piano teacher seems very direct and clear in his approach, but in a gentle way. He doesn't 'talk down' to A, but treats her as the intelligent person she is, and already seems well aware of her tendency to panic when she gets things wrong, reassuring her that she's doing really well. She's only had two lessons so far, but I'm really pleased with how its going, and more importantly so is she!

Workwise, things are going well so far, although I still have panicky moments where it all feels out of control. I'm struggling with time management, but I knew I would, and I also know I'll get there and become more organised as things progress - I'll have to!
Trying to sort out the official stuff like Housing Benefit has been a bit frustrating (again - I knew it would be!) They like all the information to fit the boxes they have to tick, and want definite figures for earnings etc, which is all a bit impossible if you are just starting out as a freelancer! So I'm doing my best to give them as much as I can, hopefully it will all get sorted soon, as its highly unlikely I'll make enough to pay all my rent at this stage. That is the ultimate aim of course, but it will take a while to build things up.

Today was the first day this week we could just be at home, so we had some maths and English this morning - we've been working on place value for maths and A has struggled with this. I think its getting a bit boring for her going over it again and again, I've tried to find different ways of explaining it to make it clearer, but then I worry I'm making it even more confusing by explaining it differently! But I've found some games in this book which a friend gave me a while back that might help. For English A chose to use A Ladybird 'Grammar and Puctuation' workbook that Granny gave us (strangely I cant find a link to it!?). As workbooks go it wasn't bad, and A seemed to focus very well with it. In between all this 'sitting down learning' stuff has been much drumming and other percussion type noises going on in the kitchen, which is always good :0)